


Incentive

by Jellyneau



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-04-16 22:00:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 70,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4641738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jellyneau/pseuds/Jellyneau
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><div class="center">
  <p>Having been inadvertently rescued from the Time Lock by the Doctor, Gallifrey’s new President insists he help the Time Lords reclaim dominance and assert their rulership over the rest of the universe. When he refuses, they force his compliance by offering him the one thing… the one person…he could never turn away from.<a href="http://s1057.photobucket.com/user/Jellyneau/media/Incentive%20Banner%20tiny_zpsmsczrazh.jpg.html"></a><img/><br/></p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	1. Taken

**Author's Note:**

> A great big fat thank-you to my dear @licieoic who gave me a brilliant prompt that I HAD to follow up on. I beg her forgiveness for not following her fantastic prompt to the letter. I hope she can forgive me! 
> 
> Another heartfelt thanks for the lovely @tenroseforever for her advice on the synopsis. I so value her opinion, because she’s truly brilliant! I have to admit, though, to fiddling with it after she’d helped me out, so if you don’t care for it in general - that’s completely on me.
> 
> FYI: For those of you who prefer adherence to strict canon, this story isn’t canon compliant to anything discovered after the episode ‘End of Time’, the Tenth Doctor’s last episode.
> 
> Now, I need to warn you. The first chapter holds some surprises that may be unsettling, but check out the warnings. Trust them (or lack of them).

### 

“Oi. Sleepyhead.”

“Mmmmm,” Rose grunted, turning over in bed, away from the sound of the Doctor’s happy morning voice. 

“C’mon, Rose. You said you’d come with me,” he whinged, poking her playfully in the arm. 

Prying open an eye she found the alarm clock shining a cheery 5:16 at her from the bedside table. Blimey. It wasn’t even half bloody five in the morning on a Saturday. Not for the first time, she lamented the fact that her adorable man hadn’t managed to acquire Donna’s human need for more sleep. “Too early. Can’t we go this afternoon?” she grumbled, pulling the bedsheets higher up to escape his prodding finger. 

She could almost _feel_ the pout aimed at the back of her head. “But early morning is the best time time of day to see them. And they could be gone by tomorrow,” he reminded her. 

Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, she turned over to look at him. Bloody hell… he was already dressed. Hair perfectly tussled and his blue suit dawned for the day. It was so unfair he could get up and look so good with so little effort, she thought, appreciating the view. He was so friggin’ sexy and he didn’t even have to work at it. Like… look at those bloody inviting lips. Perfectly suited for nibbling on. And that lithe body...

Turning completely on her back, she drawled, “But Doctor, it’s Saturday. Couldn’t we just… stay in bed for a bit?” Giving him her best sleepy, sultry look she bit her lip and slowly and purposefully slid the sheets down so her bare chest was exposed to the cool air of the room. 

The Doctor’s eyes widened and his mouth gaped a bit as his gaze slid down to linger on her breasts. “Uh…”

“I think I could come up with something equally as interesting to do this morning,” she offered, raising her eyebrows.

Glancing up to her face and back down to her breasts, he almost whimpered. “Rooooose,” he said, clearly torn between his excitement at seeing the decennial migration of the Ippods and allowing himself to be seduced. 

Sighing, Rose resignedly pulled the blanket back up, taking pity on him. He’d been looking forward to this for ages and it really was sort of cruel to make him chose. “Fine,” she acquiesced. “Let’s go watch the little tadpoles take off. But when we get back, I want to shag. A lot,” she warned sternly.

A manic grin lit his face. “Oh, yes! All day if you like,” he agreed, leaning in to plant an ecstatic kiss on her forehead. 

Rose giggled. He was such a plum. “Yeah. I like,” she smiled. 

“All day it is,” he affirmed. “Now up you get, Rose Tyler! We’ve got Ippods to see, so let’s allons-y!” he said, jumping off the bed and heading to the door of the room. “Ooo! That rhymed!” he chirped, obviously pleased with himself.

Rose laughed. “Your gift with words clearly wasn’t lost in the meta-crisis,” she observed with a smile. 

“Clearly not,” he agreed, waggling his expressive eyebrows.

“Listen… you’re not going to wear that though, are you? You said these things live in the marsh. You’ll get your suit filthy again,” she warned, recalling the last time he’d worn his suit on one of their explorations. He kept forgetting he no longer had the TARDIS to restore his clothing for him.

Looking down at himself, he frowned. “Naaahh. It’ll be fine. Bit of water never hurt anything,” he concluded. “Besides, we don’t have time for that. We’ve gotta go,” he informed her. 

“Alright, but let me jump in the shower first,” she said as she climbed out of bed to pad to the ensuite. 

“Awww, really?” he complained.

“I’ll make it quick, I promise,” she tossed over her shoulder as she pushed the loo door open and stepped in. Man… once he had his mind set on something...

Quickly turning on the shower to heat up the water, she brushed her teeth before testing the temperature and climbing in under the warm spray. Grabbing up the soap, she slicked the bar across her wet skin, once again marvelling at the fact she was here. In a flat that she and Doctor shared. 

It was hard to believe it had been three years since she and the Doctor had been dropped here on that blasted beach. It was the worst day of her life that turned out, in the end, to be the best day as well. If it had never happened, she and the Doctor… _this_ Doctor… would never have ended up together. 

And now… here they were. It wasn’t the life she’d imagined living with him. Stuck on earth, taking the slow path, doing domestics. But to her surprise, she was actually enjoying it. More than that. She was loving it. Loving _him_. She still ached for the stars sometimes, but she always tempered that feeling by reminding herself that they still had hope for future travel with the TARDIS coral growing steadily every day in the ‘workshop’ the Doctor had built at her Mom and Dad’s place. It’s just that seven years just seemed like forever from now, with only three passed since they were left here together.

And of course it hadn’t always been easy. When they’d first been dropped on the beach, left to deal with this new reality, she grieved. Deeply. Despite having him standing beside her, he was also gone. Forever. It was a confusing, painful process and she’d not accepted the situation gracefully. 

She still ached to think of the pain she must’ve caused him. _This_ him. She’d cried for days. Weeks. Until no more tears were left. And she’d wanted nothing to do with him. After spending a few heartbreaking nights trying to avoid running into him at the mansion, she finally left him with her mum and Pete and moved back into her flat. She’d needed time. She knew that now. But in the process she’d been so cruel to him. And all he’d wanted was to be accepted for who he was. He _was_ the Doctor. THE Doctor. Not less than. 

It was a month before Jackie convinced her she needed to see him. To talk to him and hear him out. And after a lot of soul searching she finally agreed. They’d talked and cried and argued over the next months and finally came to the understanding that they were still ‘them’. In fact, they were more than that. And they were ready to move on and make a life together. 

And that’s what they’d done. A couple of years later and they were inseparable. He was her soulmate. And this him, unlike her other Doctor, had no qualms telling her how much she meant to him as well. That day on the beach he’d admitted to loving her, and after she’d finally accepted it was true, he’d wasted no opportunity to remind her of the fact. 

Yeah… as hard as their road had been, this was where she was meant to be, she mused. In this world with him. 

The now cool water sluicing over her skin alerted her to the fact that she’d become distracted from her task. The poor Doctor was practically beside himself trying to get out of here to see these Ippods and here she was daydreaming. 

Quickly rinsing the conditioner from her hair, she pulled the shower curtain aside and stepped out of the tub to towel off. From the other side of the door she heard him moving about in the bedroom. Maybe he decided to change his clothes after all.

Opening the door, she stepped out of the loo. “Doct-” she started before the name morphed into a startled scream.

A large round stone column stood directly in front of the bedroom door and flanking it were two helmeted men in rust coloured chest armour, red trousers and high boots. Both held weapons and both were aimed squarely at her. 

Immediately her hands flew up into the air in surrender and she ridiculously thanked God she’d done up her towel tightly around her chest before she’d stepped out of the loo. 

“Rose Tyler?” one of them said, clearly requesting confirmation of her identity. 

“Um… no?” she tried, looking nervously between the both of them. 

“Take her,” the other one said before they started closing in. 

Backing up, Rose called out as loudly as she could, “Doctor! DOCTOR!”

The shorter of the two was practically on her when she turned and dashed through the bathroom door. She almost had the door closed, but he stuck his boot between the door and jam and pushed his way through to grab her roughly by the arm. “Let me go!” she screamed, trying to wrestle away from the large man’s grip as he dragged her back out into the bedroom. 

“ROSE!” she heard the Doctor shout as the bedroom door banged partly open, it’s movement halted by the tall column standing in front of it. 

“Doctor! Help!” she cried as the taller bloke took her other arm so they could both forcibly pull her toward the column. 

“Fuck!” she heard the Doctor curse as he tried to push his way through the too narrow space between the door and the stone obstruction. 

The taller man pressed his hand to the side of the column facing the room. In front of Rose a door appeared and the other bloke gripping her arm pushed hard on it making it swing impossibly inward to reveal a huge room. Oh god. 

“Doctor! Oh my God… It’s a TARDIS!” Rose cried, now terrified. They meant to take her. 

“Let go of her!” she heard the Doctor cry as he managed to slither through the crack of the door behind the column. 

“Deal with that,” the taller bloke said matter of factly before shoving Rose through the column door forcibly. 

Behind her she heard a weapon discharge followed by a wail of agony. “NOOOOOO!” she yelled, clawing at the ground to get up and run back toward the bedroom. 

Before she could even get to her feet, though, the shorter man clambered into the ship and closed the door behind him. “DOCTOR! NO!” she called, now up and fighting to get past the bloke standing before the doors. He held her at bay with seemingly no effort. 

“No! What did you do to him!” she shouted, pounding her fists ineffectively into the man’s chest. 

“Put her out,” the taller man ordered. “I can’t listen to this for the whole trip.”

“Yes, sir,” her captor replied, pressing his fingers against her temples. The world suddenly became muted. All sounds became distant and the lights dimmed. “How long until the Inauguration?” she heard in the distance, the pressure on the sides of her head not decreasing.

“We will have enough time to get her to the Castellan Elect, don’t worry. The Incentive will be ready for her debut,” another male voice echoed in the distance before everything ceased to exist.


	2. The Incentive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sweated over this chapter - it took years off my life, I think! In the end, though, I think I managed to convey all the important info it needed without completely divesting it of movement and interest. That was the plan, at least! 
> 
> Okay... let's do this!!!

### 

With his coat billowing behind him, the Doctor stormed through the corridors of the Capitol building in the Citadel, every cell in his body exuding fury as he headed for the President’s Chambers. Even the three burly ‘escorts’ who’d followed his every move since Rassilon had been killed back on Earth seemed a bit fearful of him as they struggled to keep up.

This was ludicrous! Where did she get off just _assuming_ he’d agreed to such an insane idea?! She might now be the President of Gallifrey, but it didn’t give her the right to announce to the entire assembly of the Time Lord Council that he was to become the Vice President of Gallifrey. HIM! The very man who’d locked his entire people up and shoved them into hell! How could she possibly be so naive as to think _that_ was going to work?! The bloody cheek! 

He was practically stomping now as he made his way toward her offices. He knew it. He knew the moment he realized Gallifrey had been freed that nothing good would come of it. If he’d only known that his actions would be key to its freedom. But he hadn’t. It had been a freak confluence of events that had lead up to Gallifrey’s release.

Images of the Immortality Gate room filled his mind as he relived the moment. At the same time he’d shot over the Master’s head and destroyed the White-Point Star, Wilf… Omega love him… had managed to break the window and open the door of the tiny enclosure he’d gotten stuck in. Deadly radiation was released into the Immortality Gate room, but thankfully, the implosion of the White-Point Star sucked the radiation from the space, saving Wilf’s life. _Un_ fortunately, the implosion paired with the radiation caused the creation of a temporal bomb of sorts. But while his shooting of the Star and Wilf’s attempt to escape his prison had created the bomb, it wouldn’t have gone off if it hadn’t been detonated. Only the passing of a fixed point in Time would do that. And it was Lady Lode’s actions that had ultimately caused it to happen.

He had to admit he hadn’t seen it coming. Of course, he, along with every other Time Lord in the room knew there was a fixed point coming to pass, but, unlike them, he’d truly assumed that it was going to be his sending of Gallifrey and the Time Lords straight back into the Time Lock along with the Skaro Degradations, the Horde of Travesties, the Nightmare Child, and the Could've Been King with his Army of Meanwhiles and Neverweres. Instead, the fixed point had been the death of Rassilon, shot in the back by Castellan Lode as he announced his insane plans for his planet. That event changed everything and decided what planet’s future would be impacted by the bomb. Gallifrey.

So now here he was. Striding down the halls of the Capitol like it had never been gone. Gallifrey was free and the time war was over, thanks to him, Wilf and Castellan Lode. Or rather, President Lode, as she was now referred to. Thanks to them, Gallifrey was lazily circling it’s suns, back where it started out in the universe. It was a reality he’d admittedly fantasized about on more than one occasion, before truly considering the ramifications. The Time Lords unlocked. Taking a sidelong look at the guard on his left, he once again considered the terrible impact of this new reality and it almost made him ill. 

Finally arriving at the President’s wing of the Capitol building, he stalked toward the Presidential Secretary sitting at a desk in front of the President’s office. Two large, well armed guards stood purposefully before their leader’s doors. Not surprisingly, the Doctor’s arrival didn’t appear to be unexpected. “Good day, my Lord President-Elect. Can I be of service,” the grey haired male Time Lord asked, moving to stand between him and the President’s office. 

“I need to see the President,” the Doctor instructed, barely holding himself back from pushing past the man and charging into her Chamber. 

“The President is in a meeting, I’m afraid,” the older looking man said without a hint of regret. “Can I pass on a message?” he asked.

“Oh, I won’t be leaving until I see her. Tell her the ‘Vice-President Elect’,” he finger quoted, “would like a few words. Pronto,” he informed him, purposefully emphasizing his words with a threatening glare.

“I’m sorry, my Lord,” the Secretary stated resolutely. “The President has asked not to be disturbed. Especially by the Vice-President Elect,” he said, as if reciting a practiced script.

Seething now, the Doctor clenched his jaw to hold himself back from lashing out. “Look… what’s your name?” the Doctor asked.

Clearly taken aback by the question the man replied, “Secretary Bodrick, my Lord.”

“Right. Well, Bodrick… you’re doing a fine job here. Can’t be easy working for someone who clearly has no respect for anyone’s wishes, I expect, so I’ll cut you some slack. You see, I only recently became the Vice-President Elect. Long before that I was simply known as ‘The Doctor’. Now, you’re in your… what? Your second regeneration? And you’re probably too young to know what that means, so let me explain. I’m not only the man who has saved more worlds than you can count, I’ve probably destroyed equally as many. I don’t mean that to sound threatening - it’s simply a fact. Now, I’ve got something extremely important to discuss with the President along those very lines, so you’ll need to move aside or you can consider yourself responsible for a possible mass genocide,” he said seriously. 

The man standing before him visibly swallowed, clearly flustered by the position he was being put in.

Just then the door to the President’s office swooshed open. “Doctor,” President Lode said by way of greeting. “Please come in,” she said, inviting him to enter. 

His lips pressed into a thin line, the Doctor nodded and followed Lode into her Chambers, leaving the stunned Secretary and the guards to gather their wits again as the door closed behind him.

Confronting her immediately he demanded, “What was that about?” tossing his head to refer to the brigade that had denied him passage. “Did you really think I was just going to give up and leave?”

“Yes, well, I thought you might be… concerned… about the revelations of my speech today, Doctor, and I needed time to prepare my case,” she answered matter-of-factly. 

‘Well, your thoughts were correct,” he assured her. “What could you possibly have been thinking?” he asked her point-blank. “You can’t have thought that I would agree to this. My regenerations haven’t changed me _that_ much.”

President Lode gave him a small smile. “Yes, it had occurred to me that you may not find my proposal agreeable, Doctor, though in honesty, I have a feeling you’ll reconsider by the end of our conversation,” she said with confidence.

“Oh, I can assure you, Lady President, that will not be the case,” he promised. If she thought for one moment he was truly going to consider staying on Gallifrey simply because it now existed again, she was sorely mistaken. 

A knowing smile was all she gave in reply before rounding her desk and sitting in the plush chair behind it. “Please,” she said, gesturing to the seat across from her. Looking at the chair, the Doctor decided against actually sitting in it. He needed her to know he wasn’t planning on staying long.

Clearly seeing he wasn’t going to take her up on her offer, Lode shrugged lightly before leaning back slightly. “Doctor… you can see what a state Gallifrey is in,” she started. “You may be a lot of things, but you’re not naive. Like myself, you can feel the unease in the Council. The Time Lords will not easily accept a new leader after Rassilon’s mishandling of his power. You and I, Doctor, we know that Rassilon was merely a pretender. And we are not the only ones. There are a significant number of Time Lords who believe that it was really Omega, the true founder of the Time Lords, who was meant to rule our race. But Rassilon had had Omega killed, making sure he got sucked into the very Black Hole he’d created to power Time Lord technology so that he could be the one to lead Gallifrey into greatness,” she recounted.

The Doctor had heard this theory before, and had to admit he didn’t see it as being out of the realm of possibility. Admitting as much, he stated, “That may be true, but I still don’t see what this has to do with me,” he said, refocusing the conversation.

“Doctor, Omega’s followers are many and they are the faction that finally convinced the High Council to act against Rassilon. But there are still many loyal to Rassilon and his cause. Those who think the Time Lords should become corporeal and become gods,” she explained.

“And how does that make them so different from you?” he countered. “You can’t tell me your political platform is much different. I’m sure it involves raising Time Lords to rule as Gods over the other populations of the universe. And if the way you’ve managed to raise yourself to the position of President is any indication, I’m sure you won’t be above using violence to do it,” he challenged.

Lode chuckled. “Doctor, do you hear what you’re saying? You’re comparing the Time Lord’s right to rule with Rassilon’s plans to become a vengeful god. You know better than that. Like Rassilon, Omega understood where Time Lords belonged in the hierarchy of the Universe. At the top. The difference was that Rassilon was willing to do _anything_ to achieve it. Despite your claims to the contrary, we don’t believe in doing that. And we know you feel similarly,” she informed him.

It was the Doctor’s turn to laugh now. “Oh, really? And how’s that then?” he countered.

“Oh, the evidence is quite clear, Doctor. Tell me… how is it Earth managed to become such a universal power? It’s not because it’s resident species is superior. No. Far from it,” she stated. “It’s because a Time Lord decided it should be so. _You_ decided it should be so,” she clarified. “Without your intervention that inferior planet would have perished long ago… destroyed by one of the many conquering races roaming the galaxy. Instead, you’ve made the planet yours. It is protected by you and it’s inhabitants owe you. You’ve done it for their betterment and for yours. Without you, they would be nothing. And they, in turn, have unknowingly followed your wise reconstruction of their history,” she stated. He was about to argue when she cut in, “And don’t pretend you haven’t considered that, Doctor. With all your ‘helpful’ intervention, in the end, you’ve placed yourself… a Time Lord… above them. You’ve become a merciful ruler. To guide them in their tumultuous quest to survive in the Universe,” she stated. 

He paused. Is that what he’d done? No. Surely not. All the things… all the species he’d protected the Earth from… it had only been to allow humans their rightful place in the galaxy. He didn’t decide their fate… he merely watched it evolve and gave it a little nudge in the right direction at times. But then… isn’t that what she was alluding to? 

Shaking his head, he denied the idea even as he considered it. He’d never done any of the things he’d done for Earth for the purpose of ruling it. “That’s not what I’ve done,” he confirmed aloud. “I’ve protected the Earth only for its betterment. Not for my own gain and certainly not for power,” he affirmed.

“Mmmm,” Lode said knowingly. “You keep telling yourself that, Doctor. Keep denying your true motives. They will eventually emerge to prove me right,” she concluded. 

“Never,” he said with conviction. 

Nodding thoughtfully, the President studied him. “We’ll see,” she finally said. “Nevertheless, that doesn’t change the fact that you are needed here. Whatever our motives, you know as well as I that Gallifrey needs solid leadership right now, and you are an integral part of making that happen,” she stated. “Having you as Vice-President will serve two purposes. Firstly, you are rightly feared across all of Gallifrey and, in fact, the galaxy. There is not one man, woman or child who doesn’t know that you are the one who exiled us to suffer beyond all imagining for hundreds of years,” she said pointedly. 

A well of pain sprung in his stomach with her words. He was feared. Of course he was. And rightly so. 

“Secondly… and more importantly… you are now a symbol of hope for Gallifrey. I have seen to that,” she said with a lopsided smile. “I have launched a campaign to educate our people about what really happened on Earth the day we were freed. They now know that it was _you_ , dear Doctor, who was responsible for freeing Gallifrey. They know that you had instructed your elderly servant to break out of his cage at the same time you destroyed the White-Point Star in order to create a temporal bomb. They also know that you had predicted the death of Rassilon at the very moment. That you had known that the Master… the sadistic Time Lord that Rassilon had tried to save… would shoot Rassilon in the back as he turned to address me, therefore igniting the bomb and freeing Gallifrey from its bonds. You are a true hero, Doctor.”

The Doctor’s jaw dropped with the pronouncement. It was all a lie. A bald-faced lie. The Master had only ever been a pawn in this - used by Rassilon and now by Lode. Anger and a sense of dread began building somewhere deep inside him. This was not good. Very not good. 

The President continued on, seemingly unaware of the Doctor’s horror. “So you see, Doctor… the people, while still having a healthy fear of you, also now have a respect for you as someone who would go the distance for them. I need that image as part of my rule. The people need to trust that this regime will go to the end for them. You, Doctor, are unique in that you will be able to control both the naysayers through fear and the believers with hope,” she concluded.

The Doctor sat staring at her, his mouth agape. Was she serious? It was so very clear she hadn’t read much about him or his history if she thought he was going to cooperate with this. 

“Look, Sirdara... “ he said, purposefully using her chosen name rather than her title, “I’m sure you believe this is best for the planet, but Gallifrey needs leaders who don’t start their regime with lies. You can’t begin your tenure this way. It’s not what this planet needs. It’s not what the universe needs. Secondly… and let me make this very clear… there’s no way in Gallifrey’s garnet grasslands I’ll ever consent to being your lapdog.” 

The President tsked. “Now, Doctor. That’s hardly what you’d be,” she said, standing and waving away his apparently ridiculous notion and evidently the entire first part of his speech. “You have much you can contribute to this planet, and we on the council would support you in making positive changes to our world, so long as they are in line with our mandate.”

The Doctor eyed her suspiciously. “Sooo, you’d actually let _me_ influence Time Lord society? I think you need to re-read your file on me,” he warned.

President Lode actually chucked with that and circled the desk to lean against the front of it. “You would have to follow protocol, of course,” she clarified, “and your proposals would have to go through the High Council, but I see no reason why you couldn’t contribute in a very real way to our world, Doctor,” she stated. “So the way I see it,” she continued, “is that you have two choices. One, you can stay here, take your post as Vice President, accept the accolades and the power that go with the title, and live your life as a revered member of the High Council. Ooooor, you can take your rickety, outdated TARDIS and leave. Free to fly amongst the stars, wasting your remaining regenerations and precious talents on those who can’t possibly appreciate what you can offer. It’s your choice,” she said, eyebrows raised as if giving a toddler the choice between having ice cream or a pear. 

“So it’s my choice, is it?” he said, unconvinced. “I can just… waltz out of here this minute? Wave good-bye and promise to send you a postcard from Clom?” he proposed.

“Yes, Doctor. That’s what I’m saying,” she concluded.

Still suspicious, but not willing to waste another moment in case Lode actually meant what she was saying, he offered her a face splitting grin. “Well, that’s good. For a moment I was worried you’d try to, oh… I don’t know… try to _make_ me stay. But I have to say, Lady President, that I’m impressed. Completely impressed. It seems you have surpassed my expectations of politicians… not that that’s saying a lot, mind,” he said, wrinkling his nose in thought. Shaking his head, he reorganized his face into an attempted look of sincere regret. “Now, I appreciate the offer. I do. But if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll be on my way. I’m sorry I’m not the right Time Lord for your campaign. I’m sure there’s someone more fitting in the High Council who would do a bang-up job,” he said turning toward the door.

“Of course…” the President began, letting her words hang in the air.

The Doctor’s movements froze just as he was reaching for the door panel. He knew there’d be a catch. There was _always_ a bloody catch. There was no way she was going to let him go that easily.

Well he wasn’t going to make it easy for her either. Turning, he rolled his eyes dramatically. “Of coooouuuuuurse…” he echoed, “you wanted to say good-bye! Well… good-bye, Lady President. I’d like to say I’ll miss all this, but...” he shrugged in a way that was much more like his last self than his current self and turned back toward the door.

“What I actually wanted to say, Doctor, was that I think you might like to find out what incentives we have to entice you to stay. Rewards for taking on the office of Vice President and, of course, for saving our beloved planet,” she explained. 

“Awww, that’s alright,” he said, still reaching for the panel to press his hand to it. “I’ve got enough trinkets of gratitude stuffed all about the TARDIS as it is. I appreciate the thought, though,” he said, finally making contact with the door release.

The door slid open before him to reveal six members of the Chancellery Guard blocking his exit. 

“What’s all this?” he squeaked indignantly, gesturing toward the posse before him. “I thought I was free to go,” he said, turning to challenge the President.

“Oh… you are,” she said sweetly. “I just thought it was important for you to see what incentives you were passing up first,” she explained. “Lieutenant Jarvis!” she called past the Doctor to one of the guards in the corridor. 

The Lieutenant, who was apparently in the middle of the pack, stepped forward with a satin cloth covered tray. On it lay a large bound book. The Doctor’s eyes widened. “Rassilon. Is… Is that…?” he whispered.

“The Black Book of Gallifrey,” the President finished. “The Vice President is the keeper of all three books. The Black, Red and Green Books of Gallifrey, Doctor,” she catalogued.

The Doctor swallowed. These books held the records of ancient Gallifrey. They were coveted by many, and not just because of their contents. It was said, when combined, they released old magic originating before the days of the Time Lords.

“As Vice-President you would have unlimited access to these books and the powers they hold, Doctor. The knowledge they contain would be yours… knowledge that is sought after throughout the universe. And it would be always at your fingertips,” the President said, her voice almost seductive.

Knowing he could never accept the offer she was making, the Doctor reached out anyway and carefully picked up the bound, black tome from the tray. It was heavy in his hands. Gods. There had been wars waged over this very book.

“Lieutenant Lilia,” the President called, jarring the Doctor from his almost amazed musings.

A female Lieutenant stepped forward, holding out a scroll. Bowing, she presented it to the Doctor. 

Still holding the book, he regretfully returned it to its place on the first guard’s tray before reaching out to take the proffered parchment from the second, smaller guard. Holding it in his hands for a moment, he studied it. It was sealed with a familiar stamp. 

“Open it,” the President urged. 

Now quite unable to resist his own curiosity, he broke the seal and unrolled the scroll. Studying the swirling Gallifreyan script for a moment, his jaw dropped. It was the deed to his parent’s house and lands. Before the Doctor was exiled to Earth for the length of his third incarnation, the state appropriated his family’s lands as part of his punishment. 

“It’s all yours again if you agree to stay,” the President said almost kindly, now standing directly beside him, gazing at the scroll he still held out in amazement.

Shaking his head to clear it, he tore his eyes from the parchment. “I… I’m honestly… I don’t know what to say,” he said, his throat clogging. His reaction was surprising even him. He had no idea the very thought of seeing his childhood home again might make him feel like this. There was a time he was positive he’d never set foot on his planet again. He certainly never dreamed of ever walking the very land he grew up on one more time. 

A warm breath tickled the shell of his ear. “Say yes,” Lode’s soft voice whispered. 

He swallowed. Gods. He was _almost_ tempted. Of course, he’d never ever really consider it. Not really. But Rassilon… _this_ , he thought, squeezing the deed a bit tighter. 

Squeezing his eyes shut, he clenched his jaw. There wasn’t a choice to be made here. He could never do what they were asking. Resolutely, he re-opened his eyes and stepped back from Lode, who was still at his side. “I’m sorry, Lady President. As I said before… I’m simply the wrong man for the job,” he said, holding the scroll out for her to take. 

Instead of doing so, though, she gave him a ‘poor sweet naive thing’ sort of smile. “But we haven’t even shown you the biggest incentive to taking the position, Doctor,” she said sweetly. 

Turning back to the door, she raised her voice and said, “Captain Rula.”

From the very back of the group, a tall, dark-haired Captain jostled forward, pulling something along with him. Unable to see what he was bringing with him, and frankly, not caring, the Doctor interjected, “Really, Lady President, it doesn’t matter what you offer me…”

And that’s when the air left his lungs.

Before him, her arm firmly in the guard’s grip, was Rose.


	3. Security Pin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so honoured by the enthusiasm for this story so far. Thanks so so much for your comments and kudos and faves!
> 
> We’re moving into the meat of the story now, with our Doctor beginning to understand what he’s really up against. Things are about to get interesting :)

### 

“Wha- What?!” he exclaimed, willing his hearts to start beating again as his astounded eyes took in the impossible vision before him. Rose.

“Don’t you recognize her, Doctor? I thought you two were close once,” the President asked innocently.

Ignoring the comment, he stepped closer to what had to be an apparition. “Rose?” he said uncertainly, tentatively reaching out but not quite brave enough to test the solidity of her form. After all… how could this be her? His Rose was safely living her life out in the alternate universe with his other self. But… it _so_ looked like her. She was looking down, so he couldn’t see her eyes, but her hair was blonde, like he remembered it. She looked slightly older than the woman he remembered though… maybe in her late twenties in human years. _His_ Rose had never worn an outfit like this, either. This one wore a white flowing robe and under it she wore a curve hugging gown with a plunging neckline. The sides of the dress at the waist were cut out so her radiant skin was bared to his view. She looked like a goddess. 

“Raise your eyes, human,” the President instructed Rose from behind him. “You know who this is, don’t you?” she prodded.

“Yeah… this is the Doctor,” she said, a small smile gracing her lips. Her voice washed over him like a familiar blanket. He blinked. A thousand memories flooded his awareness with that heavenly sound. If he had any doubts about this woman’s identity, they were now washed away. Rassilon. It _was_ her. She was really here.

“Rose,” he gasped, emotion filling his voice as he swiftly moved forward to envelope her in his arms. He could scarcely believe what was happening. In fact, he still wasn’t completely sure he wasn’t dreaming. Closing his eyes he pulled her close, nestling his nose in her hair. The sweet smell of her shampoo and her own very enticing scent filled his nose. Rose was here. She was real. 

Her name reverently escaped him again as her own arms came up to encircle his slim waist, but her hug didn’t have anywhere near the enthusiasm his did. In fact, he was slowly coming to realize, she seemed rather stiff in his embrace. 

Pulling back slightly, he looked down into her face. And what he saw there made his blood freeze. She was… nervous. Frightened even. Leaning back further, he looked her over more thoroughly. 

And that’s when he saw it. He hadn’t noticed it right away mostly because of its location, which was at the top of her cleavage… somewhere he had made his eyes skip over despite his body’s near insistence that they linger there. Just under her radiant pink skin a pale blue light shone dully, heralding its terrible presence. 

Letting her go he backed up a step, his mind reeling. Spinning around, he closed in on the President. “What have you done?!” he demanded.

With his barked question a number of the guards advanced, sensing a threat to their leader. Lode held her hand up, though, staying them as a knowing smirk found her features. “Now, really Doctor. Is that anyway to say ‘thank-you’?” she asked innocently. “You may not appreciate all we’ve done for you… offering you a significant seat in the High Council along with the title of Vice President and all the trappings that go with the office,” she stated, “but _we_ appreciate _you_. This is our way of thanking you for what you’ve done for Gallifrey and for what you _will do_ for Gallifrey,” she explained. “She is our gift to you, Doctor. Or rather… you can think of her as _incentive_ for you to stay. To take your rightful place on the High Council.”

Fiery anger now flew through his veins threatening to consume him. For all Lode’s talk of giving him the freedom to decide if he wanted this, she’d found the one thing in the Universe he could never compromise. Rose Tyler. Stepping forward to loom over the President he hissed through gritted teeth, “Sirdara… you can’t use a sentient being like this. She is not property you can give or take at your whim. Now Let. Her. Go.” 

The President merely laughed at his fervent diatribe. “Oh, I don’t think so,” she tittered. “Besides, I’m pretty sure your human would rather not leave,” she said lightly. “Let’s ask her, shall we?”

Turning toward Rose, the President said politely, “What’s your name again, girl?” 

“Rose, My Lady,” she answered, her eyes glued to the ground before her. 

Rassilon, what had they done to her? She looked… crushed. Had they hurt her? Gods forbid… had they tortured her? Pain clawed at his hearts with the thought.

“Right. Rose. Well, Rose, what if I gave you a choice right now. In fact… that is what I will do,” Lode said significantly, darting a look in the Doctor’s direction. “You are free to leave this planet. We will remove the implant and drop you off on Earth where you’re from and you can go on living your life there unhindered. You can do that, _or_ you can stay here. On Gallifrey,” she proposed.

Rose nearly looked up then, but seemed to think better of it and continued looking at the ground. Then he realized why. She was avoiding his eyes because her answer was going to go against what she knew he’d want. No. Nooo. “Rose -” he started.

“Answer my question, girl! I am offering you freedom!” the President interjected. 

Unable to tear his eyes from her small subjugated form he willed her to hear his internal plea. _No, Rose. Please…_

“I don’t want to leave,” she answered, her voice small. 

The Doctor felt a whimper escape himself with her answer. “Noooo…”

The President beamed. “Just as I thought. You see, Doctor,” she said, turning back to him, “she is here of her own free will. The security pin was not implanted because we fear she wants to leave. It is active because we want to make sure the Incentive… or ‘Rose’, as you call her… serves her purpose. You see, her fate truly doesn’t matter to us. The only value she has is that she is something you want. And she is never going to leave this planet. Now the question is… what are _you_ going to do?” she queried, approaching him. 

Anxiety threatened to drown him. Rose. She couldn’t leave Gallifrey. She couldn’t ever leave. He’d heard of this device before, this ‘security pin’, but had never imagined the Time Lords using it. It was a crude and sick technology used on many planets to control slaves and slave trading. The very thought of it being used _anywhere_ made him angry. The fact that it was now threatening the life of the one person in the galaxy he’d ever truly given his hearts to… it terrified him. These sadistic species-centric bastards had inserted it near Rose’s one fragile heart and it would now have tendrils wrapped around it and possibly around several other biologically necessary organs as well. The only thing keeping the pin from sending a lethal cocktail of muscle paralyzing and tissue eroding toxins through her system was a device that could be anywhere on the planet… and it would be well hidden and safely guarded. Any attempt to leave the planet, and the proximity of the device, would result in the pin being activated. Rose would die within minutes.

For a long moment the Doctor stood paralyzed, his eyes still glued to the lethal device implanted in Rose’s chest. Everything in him screamed in frustration. Damn it! She should have been safe! She _had been_ safe! There in Pete’s world with his metacrisis. But then he’d gone and bloody helped save this godforsaken planet and all the power hungry Time Lords living on it and now here she was. Once again she was paying a bitterly unfair price for ever having met him. 

“I’m so, so sorry, Rose,” he said, his eyes stinging with unshed frustrated tears as he raised them to find hers still trained on the ground before her. 

“Well, Doctor?” the President’s voice cut in. “I need an answer. Will you stay and take your office, or are you still intent on leaving?” she asked, knowing full well what his answer would be.

Stealing himself, he took a steadying breath. “I’ll stay,” he answered quietly through clenched teeth. There was no other answer he could give. He would always choose her well-being over all else. Always.

His eyes were still glued to the woman he thought he’d lost so so long ago, but he felt the smirk that dressed the lips of his oppressor still looming behind him. “I’ll let the High Council know of your decision,” she informed him. 

Not gracing the comment with an answer, the Doctor moved forward and held his hand out for Rose to take, if she wanted to. For a long moment she simply stared at it. His hearts stuttered. He didn’t know what trauma had brought her here, but everything in him prayed she might still find something in him that was worth trusting. 

Finally she reached out and twined her fingers through his. Relief poured through him with the gesture. He didn’t deserve whatever faith she was now putting in him and everything he had in him ached to apologize again. She was here because of him. Everything… the security pin… her very presence on Gallifrey… it was because she’d been part of his life. 

“Commander Drago and his men will escort you to your home, Doctor,” Lode said from behind him. “The Castellan himself has made sure your security detail is adequate to ensure your safety, since you are now a very prominent political figure,” she clarified.

Nodding without turning, he ducked his head a bit to find the eyes of his precious, precious girl. She seemed so reticent to even look back at him and that fact stuck daggers into each of his hearts. Focusing all his energy he tried to communicate to her a very simple message. _’I will get you out of here. I swear it._

 

OoOoOoOoOoO

 

The trip to his intended residence was very quiet, with Rose silently walking alongside him, her hand still encased in his. Larry, Curly and Moe were still tagging along, apparently directed to continue shadowing his every move. Probably wise, because the minute he was left alone with Rose he intended to take her and search the planet for the security key device. He wouldn’t stop looking until she was free. 

Despite the terrible circumstances, he found himself repeatedly glancing down at her as they walked in an effort to process that she was actually here with him. The day he’d left her on the beach, watching himself… not himself… press his lips to hers with all the passion he’d pent up over the years, had been one of the most painful in his life. It was a nightmare in which he’d watched his dream play out before his eyes but was paralyzed by circumstance… completely unable to take part in it. But he’d had no choice. Not really. Rose deserved better. More than what he’d ever be able to give her. At least _that_ him could give her a full human life. Despite that though, a large part of him died inside the moment he turned away from her and he knew at that moment his hearts would never beat for anyone else. They were hers, and hers alone. 

Now here she was, walking beside him again, her fingers blessedly twined in his. It was no doubt wrong for him to even consider feeling this way, but he couldn’t help but acknowledge that for the first time since that horrible day he actually felt a tinge of hope. 

Looking down at her, he tried to guess what she was thinking. He assumed her silence and continued avoidance of eye contact was due to the presence of the guards and it pained him to think she was probably too frightened to say anything to him in front of them. He tried to push away the thought that she simply didn’t _want_ to say anything to him. That she wouldn’t be able to forgive him for what his people were putting her through. 

Picturing them sedating and violating the woman that he… that he _loved_... made his blood boil. He didn’t believe in retribution as a rule, but he had to admit to fantasizing about what he would do to those responsible for the death machine wrapped around her heart. Not to mention whatever else they’d done to her that he didn’t already know about. He ached to have Rose to himself so they could really talk, which was why he wasn’t dallying on the way to the place he was apparently going to be staying for at least the next few days. _Years_ , if Lode had her way.

They walked a good distance before coming to the opulent home of the Vice President located a stone’s throw from the President’s residence. “This is it, Vice President Elect,” Commander Drago informed him. 

Beside him, Rose gasped. It was the first sound she’d made since they left the President’s Chambers. Quickly looking over he found her gazing up in wonder at the building before them. From his spot on the walkway, he had to admit it was pretty impressive. Not that he went for that sort of thing, but he could see where people absorbed with material trappings would be pleased with the towering structure. Spires and rounded turrets rose up high above those of all the homes around it, other than the President’s. It was probably pretty much the equivalent of a castle in Rose’s eyes.

Squeezing Rose’s hand a bit, he steeled himself to move forward. They headed up the walkway to the front door. “It’s already keyed to your TNA,” the Commander said from behind him.

Nodding, he pressed his hand to the panel alongside the door and it slid open. Swallowing, he stepped forward into the foyer with Rose willingly following. 

The interior was as impressive as the exterior, if Rose’s gaping jaw was anything to go by. The walls were made of smooth Gallifreyan sandstone and there wasn’t one angular corner in site. Green and red leaved vines trickled down the walls in various carefully chosen places and he recognized the artwork between the leafy tendrils as being contemporary pre-war era. As far as prison cells went, he had to admit he hadn’t been holed up in one this posh since… well, ever. 

“The Castellan has assigned to oversee your personal security detail, my Lord,” Commander Drago said from behind him. “I have stationed Captain Rula and some of his Lieutenants here to ensure your safety. They’ve been ordered to make sure you’re well looked after and that you’re escorted should you need to leave your residence. Please let the Captain know if you are in need of anything,” the Commander instructed, giving the Doctor a barely veiled look of warning before closing the door behind him as he left.

For a moment he and Rose just stood there, hands held fast. He waited for a moment in the continued silence as they adjusted to being alone. Of course, he was pretty sure they were anything but. Lode would have set up surveillance devices if she was half the devious embodiment of evil he now knew her to be.

Looking down, he found Rose continuing to look everywhere but at him. His hearts nearly ripped in half looking at her. She’d been hurt and she probably didn’t trust him, and given what she’d been through it didn’t surprise him. This all came down to him and his actions. 

Deciding to take a chance he said, “Rose?”

Turning her head in his direction, she leveled her eyes at his chest rather than look up at him. 

“We should talk,” he offered, near terrified she might not want to. That she was so angry or upset with him that she’d turn him away.

“Yes, My Lord,” she answered formally.

Fear engulfed him. ‘My Lord’? Gods… she was so angry that she couldn’t even call him by his name any longer. He swallowed, anxiety now flagrantly running amok through his body. Spying a sitting room off to their left, he led her toward one of the plush couches and gestured for her to sit, which she did. 

Seating himself beside her, he drew in a steadying breath. He wasn’t sure how to start this conversation, so he figured he’d just delve in. No matter how upset she was, this was still Rose, after all. The same woman he’d known and travelled with for so long. They’d been through so much… surely she’d hear him out now. Or at least let him properly apologize. 

“Rose…” he started.

“Have I done something to upset you?” Rose said, startling him just as he was gathering the courage to continue.

“What?” he replied, thoroughly surprised. Rose’s eyes were trained on the floor, but from the side he could see she looked thoroughly distraught.

“I have, haven’t I?” she said, her voice thick with emotion.

“No! No, of course not,” he assured her, moving his hand to cover hers. “Rose, please look at me,” he entreated, needing her to see the conviction in his eyes. Tentatively she tore her gaze from the ground and met his eyes with hers. She looked stricken. “There is no reason in the universe I could have to be upset with you. If anything you should be angry with _me_ ,” he said shaking his head.

Her forehead creased in confusion. “I… I couldn’t be angry with you,” she said without doubt. “I can never be angry with you.” 

“But Rose… they… the Time Lords, they’ve made you a prisoner here. On Gallifrey. And it’s my fault,” he said, needing her to understand. “If there’s any reason it may seem I’m not overjoyed to see you, it’s only because it means they’ve hurt you. They’ve made you a slave,” he said, taking both her hands in his. “They’ve put a lethal device in your chest. If I try to take you away from here you’ll die,” he said, searching her eyes, waiting for the spark of anger he knew should be there.

Surprisingly she seemed relieved with his explanation. “Oh,” she said, a smile actually playing on her lips.

The Doctor shook his head. “Rose… don’t you understand? You’re a prisoner. You can’t leave here now because of me,” he said, sure she just wasn’t understanding the true meaning of what he’d told her.

She stared at him for a full moment, confusion once again decorating her features. “But… I don’t want to leave,” she said simply. 

The Doctor froze. Everything in him came to full attention. “You don’t want to leave?” he said, making sure he’d heard right.

A baffled smile lit her face. “Well, no, My Lord. I’m here to serve you. I don’t want to leave,” she said, as if explaining to a child. A sudden look of concern crossed her features then. “If… if you don’t want me, though… if you want to go… I’ll understand,” she said, clearly trying to appear sympathetic.

The Doctor’s blood froze. This wasn’t Rose. Not _his_ Rose. That is… he knew this was _physically_ Rose Tyler, but they’d done something. They’d altered her. Changed her. 

“Rose…” he said carefully, “Who am I?” 

He watched her brows furrow as she considered his question. Finally she said, “You’re the Doctor. The Vice-President Elect,” she said. 

The Doctor swallowed the ball of anxiety forming in his throat before asking, “And when did you first meet me?” 

A confused smile formed on her lips. “Are you teasing me, My Lord?” she asked, obviously uncertain.

Leaning in, he once again took her hands in both of his and studied her eyes. “Oh, no, Rose. I’m very serious. Please. When did you first meet me?” he repeated.

Meeting his gaze, though clearly not very comfortable doing so, she answered. “Today, My Lord.”


	4. Perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you all so so much for your support for this fic! I'm truly grateful!
> 
> Allons-y!

### 

Leaning in, her master took up her hands and stared intently into her eyes making her feel oddly bare. “Oh, no, Rose. I’m very serious. Please. When did you first meet me?” he asked.

She didn’t feel right doing it, but she sensed he was trying to see something in her eyes - maybe to make sure she wasn’t lying, so she forced herself to keep her gaze focused on his. “Today, my lord.”

Horrified. It was the only word she could think of to describe his reaction. Pulling away from her, he stood and stared at her for a moment before he began pacing almost frantically, tugging at his hair until it stood out in every direction.

Oh God. He was upset with her. Watching him stride back and forth before her, she felt her heart beginning to pound in her chest. She’d said something wrong. 

Casting her mind back, she tried to think about what they’d just talked about. He’d asked when she’d met him and she told him. Was she wrong? Was she not supposed to have told him that? His Lordship, the Castellan, hadn’t told her to avoid the topic of her master’s familiarity to her. Maybe she should just have known better. 

It wouldn’t surprise her if she’d missed learning an important lesson. After all, she’d certainly been told numerous times during her training that she was a poor student. She was too curious. Too proud. Too frigid. She needed to learn the value of subordinance and only then could she possibly be of use to anyone, especially a Time Lord. 

Her thoughts drifted back to those frightening days on the planet where she’d been trained. The exercises had been both physical and mental, and they’d been grueling, humiliating and often painful. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been there, holed up in that hot, dark room, alone with the His Lordship, but it had to have been a couple of months. He was the castellan elect at that point, but his title meant nothing to her. He was her trainer. That’s all she needed to know. He’d told her he rarely personally trained those privileged enough to be selected, but that he’d made an exception in her case. She was to be for the vice-president. ‘The Doctor’. He was apparently a formidable man who didn’t suffer fools gladly… a fact the Castellan lamented over as he trained her. Clearly whoever had chosen her had made a grave error, because she was exactly that. A fool. He’d told her so repeatedly as he punished her for her misdoings. 

One of the lessons he’d tried to impart had been the importance of not speaking unless she was spoken to. It had been a very prominent part of her training and it had been a lesson that had taken her too long to learn. It was easy enough to remember to keep quiet when the situation was calm, but she’d found it difficult not to cry out… to beg… when being punished. A sound slap across the face every time a sound or word escaped her lips taught her to button them no matter what the circumstances. 

Now, though, she felt she had to make things right despite her training. If her master decided to punish her for it, so be it, but she had to take the chance. Screwing up her courage, she dared to address him. “Pardon me, my lord, but I wanted to say I’m sorry. Please forgive me if I’ve said something wrong,” she said, trying not to sound as terrified as she felt. She’d been told her job was to please her master and that she had no other purpose. If she was already failing at the one task she’d been assigned, there was surely no hope for her. She might as well contact the Castellan herself and get it over with.

“What?” her master said, stopping his movement and staring down at her. Dropping her eyes immediately, she twisted her hands in her lap. 

“I’m so very sorry, my lord. I must have been wrong about my answer… please forgive me,” she apologized, praying she’d now said the right thing.

Startling her, the Time Lord knelt before her, his knees touching the toes of her sandaled feet. “Rose. Look at me,” he commanded. Doing as she was told, she raised her eyes to his. That’s when his hand came up. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried not to shrink away but failed as her body readied itself for her punishment. After a moment, though, when the slap she’d been expecting didn’t come, she chanced opening her eyes.

Before her, the Doctor sat back on his heels. He looked… hurt. Pained. Not sure how to respond, she decided that this time she’d better just keep her mouth shut. She didn’t want to chance another misstep.

Shaking his head, he regarded her with clear anguish. “What have they done to you?” he said, his voice nearly choked with emotion.

Unsure what he meant, she cast about for an answer, as he seemingly wanted one. “They, uh… the Castellan hadn’t readied me for that question, my lord,” she said, deciding she should just stick with what she knew.

Her answer seemed to draw out another wave of irritation in him, making her want to run and hide. Knowing, though, that he wouldn’t want that, she made herself sit still, fighting every instinct she had. 

“The Castellan,” he said lowly through clenched teeth. Standing again, he abruptly began pacing. “The Castellan. He… he ‘readied’ you, did he? For what, exactly?” he asked, clearly reigning in his fury. 

The need to put distance between herself and her master was almost a physical ache now, but she was terrified he might unleash some of his barely restrained anger if she dared even put an inch between them. Tears sprang to her eyes unbidden and her answer was drenched with the fear she was trying to reign in. “For you, my lord. I was selected to be yours. If I don’t please you I will be terminated, Master,” she said frankly. It seemed the wisest course of action. Maybe he would take pity on her and give her another chance to make this right.

Her master’s jaw dropped and he stood still now looking at her. She honestly couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Was he angry? God, she hoped not. Maybe he felt badly for her. She could hope that was the case. Surely he’d take pity on her if that was true. 

Falling onto his knees so that he was seated on his heels, he sat across from her, his eyes distant. He looked broken. If she wasn’t still so frightened for her life she might have felt sorry for him.

“Gods…” he said, trailing off. 

The dejection and hopelessness on his face was so clear it was almost painful to see. Eager to please him, she chanced, “I’m sorry, my lord, if I haven’t pleased you so far,” she said, hoping her plea might ease him somewhat. “I promise I will do better in the future,” she said earnestly. 

“No, Rose… that’s not it,” he seemed to be assuring her. “It’s… Gods, I can’t even explain it. What they’ve done. What _I’ve_ done…”

Swallowing, she gathered her courage and moved to sit on the floor beside him. She knew what she needed to do, even though it wasn’t comfortable for her. Reaching up, she slowly… gently… pushed a tendril of hair away from his forehead. 

The action resulted in a look that was unmistakably thankful. He liked it. Feeling a bit more courageous, she pulled her hand down to softly cup his cheek. Closing his eyes, he leaned against it. His eyes squeezed more firmly shut and he sighed aloud. “I’m sorry Rose. I’m…”

“Shhh,” she suggested, moving her finger to touch his lips. He quieted immediately. Deciding this was as good a time as any to make first contact, she leaned in to replace her finger with her lips. 

His response was slow, but it didn’t take long before he reciprocated. His response was gentle and not demanding. He merely took what she gave him… he seemed to almost revere it. 

In seconds though, he pulled back, skittering away from her across the floor to put as much distance between them as he could. “I… Rose, I’m sorry. I… can’t…” he stammered, his eyes wide with something akin to shock. “I, uh… I should… I have to find out what my agenda is. For tomorrow,” he clarified. 

Now what had she done? She thought he’d been enjoying their contact.  
Nodding, she returned her eyes to the floor in front of her. Only look when it was requested. One of the many rules she was given when she was chosen.

“Yes, my lord. Should we find your bedroom first?” she asked, standing.

“Sorry - what?” he squeaked, apparently surprised by her question.

“I just thought maybe we should find your room so I can get it ready for you,” she suggested.

“Oh. Right. Yes… Get it ready. Good call,” he blustered. “I… yeah. I suppose we should finish looking around,” he agreed, gesturing for her to precede him back into the foyer. 

Doing as she was bid, she moved into the large foyer and took in the elaborate spiral staircase. There was nothing that wasn’t opulent about this home. In fairness, though, she didn’t have any particular memories of what a normal home looked like. This could be a hovel, as far as she really knew. Still, somehow she was sure that this was the kind of place where kings might live.

Mounting the stairs, she led them up toward the hall on the second floor. They explored the rooms one at a time with her master insisting on entering each first in case there was a threat of some kind. She wasn’t sure why there would a threat in the vice-president’s home, but she knew better than to ask questions. Curiosity was not a welcome trait in a personal servant. She learned that the hard way.

The number of rooms seemed to go on and on. It appeared the vice-president was supposed to either entertain many out of Citadel guests or loom lots of children, as there were a total of eight bedrooms, each exquisitely furnished and ready to occupy. 

Finally done looking through all the guest rooms, they ended up in the massive master bedroom. A four poster bed stood prominently in the middle, adorned with plush, red and gold sheets and pillows. Elegant looking night tables and bureaus finished the esthetic of the space. 

Beside her, her master sighed. “I guess I’ll take that one,” he said, indicating the guest room across the hall. “You go ahead and take this one,” he suggested. 

Rose’s throat went dry with worry. What did he mean? He wanted her in the master bedroom… by herself? Knowing she shouldn’t, but unable to hold herself back, she dared to reply, “I… I was told I would sleep with you in your bed.” Had she misunderstood that as well?

“What?! NO! I mean… noooo, you should have a room of your own, I think. Privacy. Every woman needs her privacy, right?” he blustered, looking almost frantically distraught. “Besides… I snore. Like a Slitheen. And they can snore, let me tell you,” he elaborated, tugging at his ear in discomfort. “So… it’s probably best if you have your own bed. You know… so you can actually get some sleep,” he added.

Rose felt herself deflate. It seemed she hadn’t done anything right since she’d met her master, and now he wasn’t even accepting her in his bed. It was a slap in the face that she truly hadn’t been ready for. The Castellan had told her that pleasing him would assure her place in his home, so she must be willing to give herself to her master in that way. She had therefore tried to mentally prepare herself as much as possible for the eventuality. Now, faced with it, she almost couldn’t believe her ears. He didn’t want her. Against her will, moisture began to sting her eyes. 

“As you wish, my lord,” she made herself reply, resolutely staring at the ground, now more in an effort to hide the tears threatening to fall than to follow rules. 

“Rose?” her master said, approaching her. 

“Yes, my lord?” she answered.

“Could you please look at me?” he asked, his voice concerned.

Cursing her inability to keep her feelings in check, she lifted her watery eyes to find his studying her. “Oh, Rose,” he said. He seemed worried. Was he afraid he was going to have to put up with a servant who couldn’t manage to keep it together until she was alone?

“I’m sorry, my lord,” she said, a fat tear escaping the corner of her eye to slide down her cheek. 

“May I?” he asked, slowly bringing his hand up to touch her face.

Swallowing, she nodded. She wasn’t sure what he was going to do, but he didn’t seem angry, at least. 

Raising his hand the rest of the way, he slid his thumb over the wet trail of her tear and swiped it away before surprisingly gently cupping her cheek. “I know I’ve said this all day, Rose, but I mean it. I’m so, so sorry for whatever they’ve done to you. When I see you like this… seeing you anxious and sad… it makes me livid that they’d dare treat any sentient being this way, especially you. And I’m going to make it right, I promise. We have so much to talk about… there’s a lot you need to know. About yourself… about us. But it’s late and you need rest, so let’s save it until tomorrow, yeah?”

For some unknown reason, a distinct feeling of unease trickled through her with his statement. He knew something about her… about her past? 

Unbidden, a thought pushed its way into the forefront of her mind. _Everything you were before you were chosen is gone._ She felt a shiver skate up her back. 

“Rose?” her master said.

Surprisingly, his voice effectively made the dread in her belly melt away. “I’m sorry, my lord. Yes, of course,” she agreed automatically. 

Nodding, he turned away from her, but stopped before taking a step. Turning, he said, “Can I ask you a favour, Rose?” 

“Of course, my lord,” she answered automatically.

“Could you please… I mean, if you can… if it doesn’t hurt you or anything… could you please look at me? When we’re together?” he said, sounding almost pained at having to ask.

Lifting her eyes, she found a smile now involuntarily forming on her lips. “I would be honoured, my lord,” she replied.

He smiled back, his eyes crinkling attractively. “We’ll talk about the ‘my lord’ bit tomorrow as well, yeah?” he said. 

Unsure what he meant, but not wanting to press her luck, she nodded her agreement. 

“Right,” he said with some finality. “I should... “ he said, gesturing out into the hall, “I should see what they have in store for us tomorrow.” 

Nodding her agreement, she bowed deeply. “Good-night, my lord,” she said with deference. Rising again, she raised her eyes to his as he’d asked her to, but was startled to find him standing directly in front of her, mere inches away. 

“Rose… please. Don’t bow before me. I should be bowing before you. For so, so many reasons,” he said, his face the very picture of earnestness. Moving a bit closer, he tentatively approached. “Can I?” he asked, offering his arms for her to be enveloped in. 

Nodding her agreement, oddly only partly because she should, she stepped forward and allowed herself to be cocooned in his embrace. His strong arms coming around her, she felt his muscles relax slightly as he sighed into her hair. “I’m going to fix this,” he murmured as he continued to hug her close.

Taking a deep breath while nestled against his chest, she swore she felt herself breathe a sigh of relief. He was… familiar. Safe. 

_Home_.

The thought ripped at her insides and making her pull back with a frantic breath. Home. The ghost of a memory skittered across her consciousness, bringing a longing ache with it. It was quickly followed though by an insistent voice that echoed through her mind. _You will not think of it_...

“Rose?” her master asked, clearly confused by her sudden breaking of their closeness.

“I… I’m sorry, my lord. I… I should get some sleep,” she said shakily, suddenly anxious to be alone. 

Her master stood there for a moment just looking at her. Oh God. She’d overstepped. She’d just pretty much requested that he leave! Dread pooled in her belly as he seemed to examine her. 

Finally, to her relief, he spoke softly rather than yelled, “Right. Of course. Well… Good-night, Rose,” he said turning to head toward the door. 

“Good night, my lord,” she replied, desperately relieved he wasn’t angry with her. 

With that, he left the room and quietly shut the door behind him. 

Turning, she sunk down to sit on the bed, willing her body to let go of the stress that had been building since she woke this morning. Cleansing tears sprang to her eyes as the strain of the day finally began to ooze out of her. Her master was not exactly what she’d been prepared for. She’d been waiting all day for the shoe to drop; for him to lose his patience and lash out at her. After all she’d done to disrespect him… talking out of turn, reading his needs incorrectly and kissing him when he didn’t want it, asking him to leave her tonight… she’d certainly deserved it. Still… he hadn’t lost his patience with her. In fact, he actually seemed… sad. Disappointed. In a way she almost wished he’d hit her instead of being disappointed in her. This was almost worse. At least, with the physical punishment she knew what to expect and could look forward to it being over. This, though… if he decided she wasn’t good enough… if she wasn’t what he wanted...

Realizing she was actually shaking, she tried to push the thought out of her mind… tried to quash her rising fear. She just needed to make sure tomorrow she proved herself to be useful to him. That’s what she had to do. She would provide him with every opportunity to see that she could please him. Then, by the end of they day he would want her to stay and she wouldn’t have to face the Castellan as the bitter disappointment he’d predicted she’d be.


	5. Nothing Before Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As some chapters can be, this one was a pain in the arse. We had an argument and it got a few good blows in, but in the end I managed to finish it and leave the fight in one mental piece! 
> 
> Anyway - hope you like!

### 

The night sky slowly gave rise to the light of Gallifrey’s closest sun, but the Doctor barely noticed. He’d spent the night pacing, writing, and staring at all of detailed carvings embedded in the rufescentwood that made up the ceiling of the guest room he was in. He’d thought of wandering the house but worried about putting too much distance between himself and Rose tonight. After what she’d been through he didn’t want to chance her waking and him not being nearby. Not that she’d necessarily want his comfort, seeing as how _this_ Rose didn’t even know him. Still… he felt better not straying too far.

So he’d stayed in the guest room, using the night hours to try to work through some of the hundreds of questions swirling in his mind since he’d laid eyes on Rose in the President’s chamber. It seemed so impossible, yet here she was. The woman he left safely with his clone in an entirely different universe was not only now existing in the same reality as him, but was actually now sleeping across the hall. 

That thought made him pause. Where was his meta-crisis? Could they have abducted him too? An image of his twin locked up in a Gallifreyan prison cell flashed before him. But… what possible use could they have for him? No… it wasn’t likely they’d taken him as well. He’d just be unneeded baggage to them. 

Not for the first time, he tried to imagine what sort of relationship Rose and his ‘other self’ might have. Usually he didn’t allow himself to ruminate on such thoughts, but tonight he had to. Now it mattered. A lot. 

He had to admit, an ashamedly selfish and possibly evil part of him actually hoped they’d never made it work. That she’d decided his clone wasn’t good enough and never would be. He’d always pushed that cruel thought aside quickly when thinking about Rose and where she might be, but now… would it be such a bad thing?

Of course it would. _Of course it would,_ he reiterated to himself. To hope she’d been wallowing in sadness, putting her life on hold for what could be forever because she was heartbroken? Why would he ever wish that on her?

He wouldn’t. He didn’t. He hoped she was happy over there. With his other self. He really did. He hoped they’d managed to make it work somehow. Doing domestics and maintaining the white picket fence and all that. 

Still… if that was the case… if she’d found peace and… and _love_... with _him_ , then her journey here was possibly more than merely horrid. It could actually have been life-threatening to his twin. Had _he_ been there he would never have let his Rose go willingly. He would’ve fought for her. Surely that’s what his meta-crisis would’ve done. 

That troubling thought turned to another even more troubling one. Rose would want to go back. When she realized… when she got her memories back and she remembered what she’d left… she’d want to go back. Of course she would. If she loved him, that is. If they’d taken their relationship to that point. 

Gods, he could think this to death! Tugging at his hair as he lay looking up at the ceiling, he decided to tackle a more pressing problem. How was he was going to get Rose off this planet in one piece? 

More than a few ideas had crossed his mind during the night, but considering each in turn, he’d crossed them off when one or more flaws presented themselves. No matter how he sliced it, the most obvious plan was the best one. If the opportunity presented itself, and they were left alone at any point, he would steal Rose away and search the planet for that damn device. There had to be a way to track it down, and if they had to travel the globe, he’d find it. The way he saw it, he just needed to be patient. Guards could, and often did, grow complacent after they’d spent a while guarding seemingly compliant captives. He could wait. 

Right. So that was the plan for now. In the meantime, he would use their prison time to figure out how to locate the device and to help Rose regain her identity. 

Anger bubbled again in his belly with the thought of someone messing with her beautiful mind. Closing his eyes, he tried to sort out what they could’ve done to change her so much. It was clear she didn’t remember him, so they’d have to have suppressed her memories, something like what he’d had to do with Donna. 

That memory rejuvenated the tendrils of regret that still pervaded his mind over that particular event. Gods. To think someone had done the same to his Rose without the excuse of having to save her life… the _only_ excuse he could imagine that might justify such a horrid action… it only solidified his opinion of the monsters who ran his home world. They were animals. For all their blustering and posturing, they were no better than the most feral animal on the planet. It was all about who was strongest. Who could dominate the other. It was sick. And Rose had been victim to it. 

Trying not to get absorbed in the anger that was once again threatening to consume him, he made himself concentrate. So. He could safely assume she’d had her memories repressed. But that wouldn’t have changed her personality. Rose had always been so feisty. Even with her memories gone she would’ve been aware that being enslaved was wrong. Everything inside her would be fighting this. Yet here she was… seemingly a willing slave. 

An incredible thought occurred to him, then. What if this really wasn’t _his_ Rose? Clearly the Time Lords had to have crossed the void to get her here, but could they have pulled a Rose Tyler from a completely different alternative universe than the one he’d left _his_ Rose in? Could they have abducted a completely different Rose Tyler who’d never met him?

Thinking about it, he had to concede it was a possibility, but unlikely. There was little chance they’d simply substitute another Rose for his. Even if they purposefully shielded her time lines from him he might pick up on their unusual nature and that would be the end of their hold on him. Weeeelll… not really. He could never leave any Rose to the fate they’d decided for her. Still, _they_ didn’t know that. 

No… they would’ve found and taken THE Rose. HIS Rose. So in the end, there was only one really plausible way Rose could’ve changed so much. She’d been programmed. Brainwashed. And the most common way of bending and reshaping someone’s mind was through various levels of torture and reward. 

Everything inside him clenched with anxiety at the thought. Imagining her helpless… at the mercy of some barbarous Time Lord who considered himself superior… 

A soft knock came at his door, saving him from his too vivid imagination. “Come in,” he called, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. 

The door opened a crack to reveal the corner of a tray covered with a long cloth followed by an almost otherworldly vision of the woman who’d been foremost in his thoughts. Unexpectedly he felt his throat clog with emotion again. Just seeing her standing there... it was still so hard to process. She was really here. His Rose. 

“Good morning, my lord,” she smiled radiantly from the door, once again proving beyond doubt that she was, indeed, real. “I, uh… brought you breakfast. I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I brought a bit of everythin’,” she admitted. 

For a moment he sat just staring, still mesmerized by the vision of her. Gods, she was beautiful. Of course, he hadn’t forgotten that fact, but now, with his eyes able to feast on her gorgeous face again, he had to admit that his memories didn’t do her justice. 

She continued to stand there at the door, looking radiant. After a few moments, she dropped her eyes to the ground, a small smile still gracing her lips. Oh! “Oh, right! Yes, manners! Never been my forte, those,” he apologized, realizing he must’ve looked like a complete prat just sitting there staring with his mouth gaping. “Come in! Oh - here, let me help,” he added, rushing to get up and assist her with the tray. 

Reaching her in moments, he took it from her only to realize it had been hiding the fact that she was wearing a decidedly short and rather revealing robe. Swallowing, he forcibly dragged his eyes from her shapely legs and turned purposefully away from her to avoid looking too much at, well, everything in the room that was human and wasn’t currently covered by clothing. 

“Thanks, my lord,” she said as he put the tray down on the bed.

Sitting down beside the it, he willed himself to focus on the tray in front of him instead of on the far too enticing woman who’d brought it in. Pulling off the cloth covering his breakfast, he found a buffet’s worth of food. She hadn’t been exaggerating. There were scrambled yulot eggs, Gallifrey’s equivalent of yoghurt, a bowl of whole grake cereal, a cup of brewed tea, a banana, and a pound fruit. Looking up, he saw her grinning at him from her place beside the bed. “Blimey… thank-you, Rose. You didn’t have to do this,” he said, looking back at the overwhelming amount of food before him.

“I thought you might be hungry, my lord. You didn’t eat last night, so I thought you might like a full breakfast,” she explained with a smile. 

Wait. _They_ hadn’t eaten last night. Guilt welled in him. He hadn’t even thought about getting her something to eat when they got here. “Oh, Rose! You must be starving,” he said apologetically. “Here,” he said, patting the bed beside him as he pulled up his long legs to cross them. “Sit here. Have some of this,” he directed, handing her the yoghurt. “It’s jupaberry. Something like strawberry,” he said, handing her a spoon.

“Oh,” she said, shaking her head, still standing beside the bed, “I shouldn’t, my lord,” she declined.

“Shouldn’t?” he said incredulously. “Of course you should! You love yoghurt,” he explained. “And it’s strawberry, Rose. Your faaaavourite…” he sang, waggling his eyebrows and holding out the bowl toward her. 

Seemingly against her better judgement, she reached out and took the bowl and spoon from him. 

“Thank-you. Now, please sit with me? It feels wrong eating with you standing beside me,” he explained in an effort to entice her to relax a bit. 

“Yes, my lord,” she answered before climbing onto the bed to sit beside him. 

It was then he realized that he’d just made a rather large tactical error. Firstly, she was now very close to him. Now this, in and of itself, was never a bad thing. What _was_ bad, however, was that she was extremely underdressed, which led to the second tactical error. Now that she was sitting, the front of her robe was gaping open a bit too much, revealing a good deal of the inside of her cleavage. Cleavage he had no business looking at. Probably ever. 

Weeeeellll, maybe not _ever_ , he conceded. I mean… what if she, you know, had chest pains sometime and needed to be examined? Or if she happened to drop food down her top while they were eating. Those would be perfectly legitimate reasons for him to look. Or maybe in the future… maybe, you know… if she decided she didn’t want to go back…

NO. Nooooooo. He mustn’t start down that road. It would only lead to disappointment and heartbreak on his part. 

Realizing that all through his very important self talk he’d actually been staring at Rose’s bosom, he quickly tore his eyes from the tempting sight and refocused them on her face. He found a pink blush gracing her cheeks. 

Caught. Gods. When she remembered who she really was she was going to be less than impressed over his apparent inability to control his wandering eyes. Bloody dirty old man.

Clearing his throat, he quickly looked for a diversion. “Banana!” he exclaimed stupidly, grabbing up the offending fruit and making Rose jump. “Nothing better than a banana for the bowels,” he said seriously, studying the yellow specimen in his hand. “A banana’s always a good choice if you’re gonna indulge in a piece of fruit. Full of potassium, bananas are,” he said, squinting his eyes in appreciation. “Gotta love a good, solid banana,” he added holding it aloft. Gods. He needed to shut up now.

Rose appeared to be quite amused by his rambling. “I’m sure you do, my lord,” she agreed with an embarrassed smile.

Right. Stop talking now. Or at least stop talking about bananas. 

In an effort to occupy his gob before it began yapping again, he took up a fork and scooped up some of the yulot egg onto it. Closing his eyes, he tried to concentrate on the taste of the food in his mouth rather than how good Rose smelled and how delectable she looked. 

Hmmmm. It was delicious. A bit salty and the perfect texture - a bit runny but not watery. Lovely. Opening his eyes, he nodded his approval. There was nothing easy about preparing yulot eggs. They had to be handled carefully all through the preparation or their consistency became rubbery. “Rose… this is brilliant. Where did you learn to cook these?” he asked without thinking. 

Rose smiled at his appreciation. “The Castellan said I had to learn to cook, my lord. It was part of my training,” she said.

The food in the Doctor’s mouth suddenly lost its taste. Swallowing thickly, he took up a napkin and wiped his mouth. It made his heart ache, but he knew he mustn’t avoid it. They had to talk. He needed to explain some things to her… how she got here… how he knew her before this. He also had to find out more about this ‘training’ she’d endured. As much as he wasn’t sure his hearts could handle it, he had to know as much as he could about what they’d done to her so he could reverse it. 

“Rose… can we talk?” he asked, putting down the napkin and lifting the tray to put it to the side.

“Of course, my lord,” she replied, putting her bowl of yoghurt down and shifting as if readying herself to receive some revelation from her deity.

The Doctor sighed lightly. Might as well address this first. “Rose… remember last night when I asked you to look at me when we’re together?” he asked.

“Of course, my lord,” she answered, nodding.

“Well… if I could ask another favour. Could you please stop calling my ‘my lord’? I’m the Doctor. Not your lord. Not _anyone’s_ lord,” he corrected, remembering what Lady Lode had said about him enjoying his position of power over others. 

Rose’s expression went from keen listening to concerned worry. “I… I don’t know if I can, my l-…” she trailed off. His expression must’ve communicated his confusion over her answer because she offered, “I was taught to always refer to a Time Lord with deference. And you… well, you’re telling me you’re not my lord, but... “ her eyes dropped, “...you _are_. I am yours, my lord. I am nothing if I don’t belong to you,” she said, raising her eyes to meet his again.

A ball of regret and sadness welled in his throat and he reached for her hand without even realizing it. “Rose...” his voice faltered. They’d even deprived her of her self worth. It made him ache inside. “You are _everything_. And not because of me. Never because of me,” he assured her. Gods. How could he explain this?

Pulling away from her, he stood and paced slowly alongside the bed. “You need to to know who you are, Rose. I need to tell you who you are and where you came from so you can understand how important you are. And not just to me, but to the universe,” he began.

To his surprise, Rose shook her head. “No I don’t,” she said, clearly anxious. 

Stopping all movement he said, “Pardon?”

Rose visibly swallowed, now looking fearful along with worried. “No, my… No, Doctor,” she said, clearly uncomfortable with the new title. “I hope you’ll forgive me my obstinance, but I’d rather not know. If that’s alright,” she added quickly, casting her eyes downward. 

The Doctor blinked. He hadn’t expected that. Sitting again, he gently reached out to lift her chin with his finger. Rearranging her gaze, she conceded to look at him. “This is important, Rose. You need to know where you came from and how you got here. I can’t have you thinking you’re just some… slave. You’re so much more than that,” he explained.

Shaking her head, her eyes now filled with worry, she bit her lips together. 

“But you need to know,” he said, trying to be gentle but insistent at the same time. “You and I… we’ve saved the universe together…”

OoOoOoO

“...and we’ve travelled together across the stars. You… you’re brilliant! And clever and I… I’m so lucky to have met you,” she heard him say. The dread she’d experienced last night was returning. It was the topic. She was sure of it. Closing her eyes, she willed his voice to stop. This was… she wasn’t supposed to hear this. 

Suddenly the voice she’d heard yesterday pushed through her mind. _You were chosen. You exist to serve_. The thought became louder in her head. _You were nothing before now. Everything you were before you were chosen is gone and you will not think of it._

In the background she heard her master’s voice, “And you have a family out there. A mum and a brother and a stepfather…” More words followed but were quickly completely drowned out by the insistent, increasingly painful voice in her head. _**You were nothing before now. Everything you were before you were chosen is gone and you will not think of it**_.

Random words floated in from outside her mind, carried by her master’s voice to her ears. “You are important... something else... there’s some _one_ else...” 

The voice in her mind now boomed, repeating the mantra over and over as it pounded it’s agonizing message home. _**Everything you were before you were chosen is gone and you will not think of it**_.

Squeezing her eyes tightly shut now, she tried to shut out even the sound of his voice, but his words… while they were sheer nonsense to her now....kept bombarding her. “... was a meta-crisis…you started a life together… they took you… found you…” 

Rose’s hand yanked out of her master’s grasp and an agonized moan escaped her as her brain fractured and splintered into pieces inside her head. Even her hands pressed against the sides of her skull did nothing to contain the brains that were surely sliding out of her ears.

From far, far away she heard her master’s voice. “Rose?!”

That was the last thing she heard before her mind shut down.


	6. Training

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter up! Enjoy!

### 

Splashes of light danced on her closed lids as awareness slowly came back to her. What… what had happened? Slowly opening her eyes, she squinted against the sunlight streaming in from the window to her left. 

“Rose?”

Her master. In moments he was sitting on the bed beside her, his hand gently brushing hair away from her forehead. “Are you alright?” he said, clearly worried. 

“Yeah… ‘M fine,” she said, not completely sure that was true. Her head really hurt. “What happened?” she asked, raising her hand to rub her forehead. 

“You blacked out,” he informed her. “I was explaining something to you… I didn’t notice you were in pain right away…” he said, guilt clearly written on his features. “I’m so sorry, Rose,” he apologized.

“It’s alright, my lo-... Doctor. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to listen properly,” she replied. What must he think of her? Apparently he was just talking to her and she passed out. The ever present fear of rejection reared its ugly head once again. She was clearly defective. How long was it going to be before he returned her to the Castellan so he could get a healthier, more hardy personal servant?

A sad smile found his lips. “You were trying, Rose. I just wasn’t paying attention. I should’ve thought they… I should’ve been watching you more closely. What I told you was, well… it didn’t occur to me they’d have used it as a context to trigger you to shut down,” he said, though in all honesty it made little sense to her. “Do you remember anything I told you?” he asked carefully.

Thinking back, she recalled hearing his voice, and then the pain. Pushing herself, she tried to remember anything specific he’d said, but it was all a blur. Damn. He really wanted her to remember, but she just couldn’t. Once again, she was failing at this. 

Shaking her head in defeat, she said softly, “I’m sorry, Doctor. I don’t remember anything you said.” 

He looked disappointed, but patted her hand. “It’s alright. It’s not your fault, Rose. It’s them. But I’m not giving up. I promise,” he said, his expression serious.

She wasn’t positive what he meant… did he mean he was going to give her another chance to prove herself? That would make sense. “Thank-you,” she replied, meaning it.

Taking in a breath through his nose, the Doctor looked at her seriously. “You still haven’t eaten,” he said. “Let’s get some food in you,” he added with a small smile, getting up to move to the door. “When you’re ready, could you join me downstairs? It’s my turn to make you something to eat,” he offered. 

“Yes, Doctor,” she replied, sitting up as he left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

Damn it. She was supposed to be serving _him_. How was she ever going to prove herself to be useful if he couldn’t even trust her to make herself a meal? 

Sighing in frustration she hauled herself out of bed and rummaged in her wardrobe for something to wear. Taking out one of the plain white low cut shifts she’d been provided, she pulled it over her head before heading to the loo to splash some cold water on her face. Her head still ached and she felt decidedly groggy but the bracing water woke her further and helped her focus. 

Please him. That’s what she’d vowed to do today. She needed to make sure he saw her as useful and obedient. 

Looking at her reflection, she studied it for a moment. She looked tired. Her eyes were sunken a bit and dark circles graced the skin under them. There was nothing attractive about what she saw looking back at her. Shaking her head, she wondered why she’d been chosen for him. Surely there were better choices for a vice-president. Oh well. Whatever the reason, she was here now and if she didn’t start proving she was worthy, he’d soon be looking for a replacement.

OoOoOoOoO

Making her way down to the kitchen, Rose found her master there making toast. He hadn’t seen her yet, and for a moment she stood watching his slim form move about the room, reaching for this and opening that. Once again, she found herself experiencing a feeling of familiarity. Like she’d seen this play out before. But it was when he dropped a fork and bent to pick it up that she was surprised to find she was _looking_. Now _that_ was a welcome and oddly familiar sight. He was definitely a bit foxy. 

Apparently suddenly aware he was being watched, her master turned to find her leering at his bottom. Dropping her eyes immediately, she felt her cheeks flush. What was she _doing_? Was she _asking_ for a beating?!

Clearing his throat, her master said, “Oh, hi there,” he greeted her, quickly standing and pulling his jacket down. “I, uh… I rescued some of the lovely breakfast you made, but you should have some warm toast with it. I thought of making you some fresh yulot eggs as well, but I’m afraid I’m a bit used to the TARDIS cooking for me. Not that I can’t cook, mind. Just… this body doesn’t seem to have the knack,” he admitted, scratching at the back of his neck.

“Of course,” Rose said, feeling odd about accepting _his_ apology. She should’ve been the one preparing her own meal, after all. “But you didn’t have to make me food, my lord. I mean, _Doctor_ ,” she amended. It was difficult to use his chosen name when everything in her demanded she be more respectful. “I’m meant to serve _you_.”

Heaving a frustrated sigh, the Doctor picked up the newly made up tray and moved to sit in the chair directly beside hers at the island in the middle of the kitchen. Placing it on the countertop in front of her he said, “Rose… I told you. I’m not your lord. And you’re certainly not my servant,” he reiterated. “You are equal to me in every way,” he said before amending, “except maybe biologically. I’ve definitely got a better respiratory system,” he conceded. 

Dropping her gaze out of habit, Rose said, “But the Castellan… he said…” 

The Doctor stood then, suddenly agitated. “The Castellan is an idiot, Rose. He’s hurt you and took away your very soul. Everything he’s taught you… everything he’s told you you need to be… he’s _wrong_ ,” he spat, tugging his hair in frustration. 

Rose tried to shrink away from him, but didn’t move from her chair, scared he might lash out. Anxious to appease him, she replied, “Yes, Doctor.”

“And that’s something else he taught you, isn’t it? Agree with me no matter what? Well you don’t have to do that either! What else did he teach you? Did you tell you to clean for me? Take care of my bunions? What else, Rose?” he railed, his anger evident.

Biting her bottom lip, she dropped her eyes, casting about for an answer he might like. “He… he taught me that Time Lords are superior beings,” she tried, hoping it’s what he wanted to hear.

He stopped mid-stride and looked at her incredulously. “He did, did he? Well that’s complete rubbish, I can tell you that,” he assured her. “I mean… look at this! If Time Lords are so superior, why are they enslaving other sentient beings? If this lot had any superior moral compass they’d throw themselves back in the Time Lock and seal it for eternity!” he ranted, now pacing again. 

Not knowing what to say, or even if he wanted her to respond, Rose sat facing forward, her eyes lowered. She knew he wanted her to look at him, but she honestly couldn’t make herself. He was frightening her.

“What else did he teach you, Rose?” he asked, his voice tense. She got the feeling he was trying to be gentle, but the effect ended up being one of barely held back fury. 

Knowing he wanted an answer, she once again searched for an appropriate one. He was clearly unhappy with the Castellan. She wasn’t sure what he’d done to make her master so angry, but she wasn’t keen on making his mood worse. It sounded like he didn’t appreciate the way his people went about training their personal servants. Well, she wasn’t sure what she could say to decrease his anger about that. After all, she had no knowledge of any other way of life. 

Deciding to try for honesty, she did her best to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry, Doctor. I don’t know what to say. I don’t remember any life before this one. He… the Castellan… he taught me everything I know. I… I was chosen and my life is to serve you,” she said, hoping her answer wouldn’t elevate him further.

Her answer seemed to deflate him slightly and he sank down in the chair beside her once again. 

After a long moment, he said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to raise my voice.” Running his hand through his riotous hair, he added, “It’s just that… what happened to you is a crime. I just… I need to know what he did to you, Rose. How the Castellan trained you.”

Searching her memory, she tried to recall if she had been forbidden to talk about her training. As far as she could remember, there was no reason she couldn’t. And her master was requesting the information, so she was obligated to tell him. “Alright,” she said tentatively. 

Her master seemed placated by her willingness to share, so she pushed ahead. Unsure where to start, she said, “I… I don’t remember much about the early days of my training,” she admitted, trying sift through the hazy memories from the first couple of weeks with the Castellan. “I remember my first lesson, though. It was deference. I had to learn not to look directly at a Time Lord,” she explained. “That lesson wasn’t too hard,” she recalled.

Her master leaned forward in his chair, his eyes glued to hers, seemingly hanging on her every word.

“And then there was silence. That lesson wasn’t as easy. I was too vocal, the Castellan told me,” she said, pausing to check his expression before continuing. Her master seemed a bit calmer than before, so she decided it might be alright to talk about him again. “He… he said I was noisier than most humans he’d trained. It took a long time to learn that skill,” she shared, recalling the brutal repercussions of her ineptness. 

Shaking her head, she looked up at her master. “There were so many things I had to be taught. I wasn’t a very good student,” she admitted, hoping he wouldn’t hold her honesty against her. 

Clearly bothered by her admission, he asked gently, “What makes you say that?”

It was just a fact. “It just took me a long time to learn things,” she shared. “The Castellan said I was a slow learner. And I was,” she admitted. “It was hard for me to remember my place,” she said, embarrassment at her incompetence now difficult to hide.

Taking her hand in his, her master leaned in a bit. “How… how did he _teach_ you?” her master asked, concern playing over his features.

“Well,” she started, thinking back, “it depended on the lesson, really. If I did well, I got food and water, and sometimes I got a blanket or a pillow to sleep with,” she recalled, remembering the nights she was given those luxuries. She’d always relished those nights. 

“And what if you didn’t? Do well, I mean?” he asked, his eyes intense but his touch still gentle.

“Well… like I said, it depended on the lesson,” she clarified. “For silence, I would be struck to remind me to keep my sounds to myself,” she recalled. “When I raised my eyes without permission,” she paused, gathering herself together a bit. Remembering this particular punishment was difficult. “I would have drops placed in my eyes. It… it hurt. But it was for my own good,” she recited automatically. 

“Oh Rose…” her master’s voice intruded in her memories.

Coming back to herself, she shrugged. “It was hard, but I’ll be able to serve you well now,” she explained, pushing other, more painful memories aside. 

Her master studied her for a moment, as if seeing through her flimsy attempt to hide her most fear inducing memories. For a terrifying moment, she was afraid he might press her for more information. 

And then he did. 

“That’s not all, though, is it?” he stated, rather than asked. “That’s just the tip of the iceberg, isn’t it?” he broached.

Rose swallowed thickly. She really didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t want to _think_ about it. But he wanted her to. “Yeah,” she admitted. Again, only because he desired it.

“Tell me, Rose. Please,” he said, squeezing her hand a bit in support.

Everything in her was at war. The memories of her training… the training he wanted her to talk about… they actually hurt. They brought back feelings of empty desolation and pure fear. But she had to tell him. He was her master and he wanted her to. She was obligated to tell him anything he wanted to know. 

Fortifying herself, she took a deep breath. “At the beginning… when I didn’t understand my real purpose, I tried to escape the training facility,” she started, recalling the dark, hot room she spent months and months in. “During one of the sessions I had pretended to pass out so it would be over,” she said ashamedly, recalling her poor behaviour. “And when the Castellan and the guard left, they didn’t secure the door completely. I could tell by the sound of the click when it closed. So later, when I couldn’t hear anyone around, I snuck out of my room. There were no guards outside the room and the hall was empty. I passed a bunch of other closed doors… I guess there were other chosen ones being kept there as well,” she clarified. “Anyway, I passed a couple of guards along the way but was able to hide from them, and I finally made it to a door that looked like it led outside.” 

Memories of the dank hallway filled her mind and the fear of being caught echoed in her belly. “I didn’t know where I was going to go… but I felt like I needed to run,” she shared, knowing it was no excuse for her next actions, but feeling for some reason like she should try to justify why she’d done what she’d done.

“I opened the door. It was night time. I’d hoped I’d maybe recognize where I was… like, at least what planet I was on. But the sand was pink and the air smelled like something I’d never smelled before. It was all unfamiliar. Then I heard a noise behind me. It was a guard. I guess he’d been standing by the door,” she said, casting her eyes down in memory. “I… I was so desperate to get away,” she muttered, shaking her head. “It happened before I even actually decided to do it. Before I knew it, I’d punched him in the face and kicked him… you know, where it hurts,” she clarified, unwilling to look at her master for fear of his reaction to her admission. “I started to run then, but another guard must’ve heard what was going on and came running. He shot me in the back,” she explained, remembering the impact of the blast and the world darkening in her vision.

Her master once again squeezed her hand. It felt almost supportive, but she couldn’t imagine why he’d want to make her feel better about it. She’d committed a heinous crime; assaulting one of the Chancellery Guard. 

Deciding to push on before he reminded her as much, she said, “I woke later in my room, rightly tied down,” she recalled. “The Castellan had been summoned, of course, and I was punished. It was… painful,” she shared. Memories of the Castellan’s hands pressing hard against her temples, stabbing into her mind with his own, digging into the pain centres of her brain came flooding back to her. Her legs had felt like they were on fire. And he’d left her like that. For two days. She’d cried and pleaded and begged, shouting with every breath she had for him to return. To make it stop. But it was only after she finally stopped screaming… stopped making noise when she’d not been given permission… that he returned. With his forgiving hands pressing against her head, he entered her mind once again and freed her from the agony. Kissing her on the forehead, he’d absolved her. She’d never been so grateful in her life. “But I deserved it. And I learned that lesson well. It was naive of me to think I live for any other purpose but to serve,” she added. 

Her master’s jaw was hanging open when she finally brought her eyes up again to meet his. He seemed completely at a loss for words. He probably was amazed she’d actually told him of her transgression. It would be enough for him to want to hand her right back to the Castellan. To accost a guard… it was unthinkable. But he’d asked her and she was bound to tell him. Now she could only hope he would recognize that he had demanded she talk about it and not hold it against her. 

“They… they _shot_ you?” he said, astounded. 

What? He was concerned they’d shot her? Of _course_ they’d shot her. And really, that had been the easiest part of that lesson. “Yes, Doctor,” she answered. “I deserved it. I deserved every pain I suffered for that transgression,” she said. 

To her incredible surprise, the Doctor leaned in then and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her tightly, holding her head against his shoulder. For one terrifying moment she feared he might actually be trying to enter her mind… to inflict his own punishment for her admitted actions. But his hand never strayed from her hair and he began rocking her softly as if she were an infant. “Gods, Rose. What have they done to you?” he whispered, tightening his arms around her protectively. She was pretty sure he didn’t want an answer this time, so she settled for bringing her arms up to hug him back. He seemed… sad. She couldn’t imagine why, but she did know her master shouldn’t feel sad. 

Rubbing her hand up and down his back, she whispered a ‘shhh’ and willingly pressed her cheek more firmly against his shoulder. “It’s alright, Doctor. Tell me what you need,” she said, recalling the script the Castellan had taught her.

Pulling back, her master studied her. Shaking his head a bit he said, “I need you safe, Rose. I need you healthy. I need… I just need you,” he said, his eyes now glistening. 

Rose’s breath caught. He… he needed her? As much as she hated seeing her master unhappy, a large part of her jumped with joy. He still wanted her. Even after what she’d told him. 

Giddiness created a smile she wasn’t able to suppress. “I need you too, Doctor,” she said, meaning it. He was the reason she was alive. He was the one person she wanted approval from… the only one who mattered in her existence. 

The look in his eyes with her admission wasn’t what she’d have hoped, though. There was kindness there, but sadness pervaded. 

Just then a hard knock sounded at the door. Releasing her master, she stood and made to move to answer it. 

Surprisingly, though, her master stood and took her gently by the arm. “I’ll get it, Rose. Stay here,” he directed. 

Nodding, she did as she was told. Really, she should be the one who answered the door, but he seemed insistent. From where she stood, she could see her master’s back as he pulled the door open but couldn’t see who he’d opened it for. 

That’s when the guest’s voice floated in from the foyer. “Good morning, Lord Doctor.”

Rose’s blood turned to ice in her veins. The Castellan.


	7. The Castellan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whew! This one wrote itself mostly. Editing - that was a different story! You will soon find out why my muse was delighted with this chapter. That said… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

### 

That’s when the guest’s voice floated in from the foyer. “Good morning, Lord Doctor.”

Rose’s blood turned to ice in her veins. It was _him_. 

“Castellan,” her master said formally, his voice as icy as her blood. 

“May I come in?” His Lordship asked, sounding almost jovial.

“I’d rather you didn’t,” her master replied coldly. Rose held her breath. No one ever talked that way to the Castellan. She’d never heard anyone ever defy him. 

Rather than the sound of flesh hitting flesh that she’d half expected, the Castellan merely chuckled. “Oh, Doctor. Ever the rebel,” he mused. The shuffle of robes met her ears. 

Sneaking forward a few feet, Rose leaned out a bit so she could see what was going on. It was a morbid curiosity. She’d convinced herself that nothing inside her ever wanted to lay eyes on His Lordship again, but somehow, she was still drawn. 

Going against her better judgement, she peeked around the corner. The stark vision of her trainer standing in the foyer of her master’s house made her hairs stand on end and made her draw in an anxious breath. As much as she knew it was ridiculous, she’d somehow imagined that after she was presented to her master the Castellan would no longer be part of her life. Of course she’d _feared_ she’d see him again, and now it seemed her fears were coming to fruition right in front of her. And standing before her master, he looked as frightening as ever in his robes and headdress. He hadn’t worn the headgear during her training, but she had too many unwanted memories of her hands in his thinning greying hair, massaging his scalp on his command after he’d removed it before their sessions began. Images of those times flooded her mind sending bolts of disgust and remembered anxiety through her. Her master’s voice then cut through her stressed thoughts.

“Yes, well, it seems my rebellious days are over, Solis,” he said. Solis. That must be His Lordship’s chosen name. 

“Oh, I highly doubt that, Doctor,” the Castellan replied. “In fact, I’ve no doubt you still think there’s a way out of this. And, I suppose if you weren’t such a tender-hearted soul that might be true,” he continued. 

Shaking his head, her master said, “There’s a difference between being tender-hearted and having a conscience. And apparently that isn’t something you’ve grown since I last saw you,” he said bitterly.

The Castellan laughed. “Really Doctor. You’re not still angry about that little Matrix incident, are you? Rassilon - you were still practically a child when that happened. You were in, what? Your fourth incarnation? And the Master was controlling my mind. You know that,” he said lightly. 

“Maybe. But you’ve always had it in you to cause people pain, haven’t you? The Master only saw that and used it to his advantage,” her master countered. 

“Doctor, if I cause people pain, it is because they deserve it,” he said significantly, raising an eyebrow.

Anxiety pushed through Rose’s chest and she felt herself shrinking back a bit further to make sure she was out of view. She was unable to tear her eyes from the scene playing out before her though, and she watched in fear as her master stood tall and moved in closer to His Lordship. “And how… HOW, exactly, did Rose deserve it?” he challenged, his body charged and tense. 

A smirk turned up the Castellan’s lips. “Oh, Doctor. Your human pet needed training. You and I both know it. A Time Lord deserves only the kind of reverence that can be found in a trained servant and I’ve had years of experience ensuring our Council members are provided with only the best trained attendants…”

“Wait. Are you saying she’s not the only one you’ve done this to? Time Lords have bloody put themselves so far above the rest of the universe that they’re now taking _slaves_?!” her master said, anger and disgust evident in his voice. 

“We _are_ above the rest of the universe, Doctor. And as such we deserve to be deferred to. Servants are necessary on Gallifrey and deference is a quality that is necessary in them. And your human… she had difficulty with that concept at first. She was difficult, I must admit. Headstrong, that one. It took months to break her,” he said, his expression triumphant.

Her master’s jaw gaped open. “Months! You’ve had her for _months_?!” he said, clearly astounded. “Are you telling me you abducted her and then dragged her back in time to torture her for _months_! That…”

“... was necessary,” the Castellan interrupted. “It’s simply best practice, Doctor. It takes months to properly train a servant. To wipe the slate clean and start again. So, once an order comes in for a personal attendant from a council member, we whisk the chosen trainee off to a remote planet to train them and return within moments. It’s unreasonable to make our respected council members wait when their goods can be delivered in a much more timely manner. Plus, that way the deserving party can choose a servant specifically depending on his or her preferences. Human or otherwise, male, female, bigendered or poly, large or small, tentacled or non-tentacled, no memories or implanted memories… you get the idea,” he explained patiently, as if to a child. “No matter what, though… our attendants are compliant. They live to serve us.”

“But why?! Why do you need to take their lives from them at all? You’re taking away their memories… robbing them of their personalities… what could possibly be the point?!” her master demanded.

Shaking his head as if inconvenienced by his question, the Castellan replied, “Come now, Doctor. We can’t have feral humans and other species running amok on Gallifrey sewing seeds of dissent. They cause enough trouble on their own planets. Do you think we want to take the chance they might do the same on ours? Besides, once we’ve trained them, our personal servants have no desire to leave. They are happy to do our bidding and, after they’re trained, our Council members don’t have to waste their time disciplining them all the time.”

If the Castellan intended to stop talking, it was apparently not going to be anytime soon. Rose could tell, though, that her master’s anger was cresting. If his eyes could shoot arrows His Lordship would be lying dead at his feet right now. 

“And then there’s _your_ servant,” he continued, apparently blithely unaware or uncaring that her master was on the brink of committing homicide. “Rose, I believe you call her?” he said, not expecting a reply. “I daresay you won’t need to discipline her much. I did a very thorough job of training her. Oh, and she didn’t make it easy, I’ll tell you that. Those first few weeks she fought,” he said, his eyes distant in feigned remembrance, “but in the end I curbed her. Heeled her, as they say. Actually,” he said conspiratorially, “I think she actually enjoyed a good deal of it once she succumbed to my will,” he smiled sickly. Then, to her horror, his eyes shifted to meet hers. “Isn’t that right, my dear?”

A stake of pure terror pierced her heart and her breath froze in her lungs. He’d seen her. He’d called her out and now his cruel eyes had her glued to the spot. There was no point in running. He’d find her. He’d make her pay for her reckless curiosity. 

To her great surprise, though, the scene before her exploded in a flurry of movement. Her master had grabbed the Castellan up by the collar and pushed him hard against the wall by the door. Every pore of his body radiated fury as he crushed His Lordship against the hard surface. 

“You have no idea know what you’ve done,” her master intoned through clenched teeth. “You have NO. Idea. You’ve hurt the most important being in the multiverse. The one person I care about more than the fate of all the galaxies combined. That’s not something I will ever forgive,” he growled, pushing the Castellan against the wall again so his head bounced off the solid surface beneath it. “And I promise you, you bloody pompous sick bastard… you’re going to pay for what you’ve done!” he snarled, pulling the man forward by the collar. He was about to slam his head against the stone again.

“STOP!” Rose heard herself cry as she ran out from her hiding spot. Almost crashing into her master she wrapped her hands around one of his arms. “Please, my lord! Please don’t!” she pleaded, trying to pry his hands from the Castellan’s robe. 

Her action somehow jarred her master from his rage and he reluctantly released his hold on the Castellan, taking in deep trembling breaths as he did so. 

Moving to stand protectively between her master and the Castellan, she suddenly realized what she’d just done. Not only had she spoken out of turn and imposed her own desires on her master, she’d defied his wishes and come out when he’d told her to stay in the kitchen. But that wasn’t the worst of it. She’d done all that right in front of the Castellan. 

A massive part of her was terrified over the repercussions, but another part, one she truly hadn’t known even existed, felt she’d been right in doing it. If he’d have continued… if her master had kept going, he might’ve hurt the Castellan. And while that bothered her a bit (for some reason she couldn’t really understand), she was even more worried that if he’d done so he would’ve been hurt in return. The guards would’ve come running and would’ve shot him. Maybe killed him. She couldn’t let that happen.

A hand struck out then and grabbed a fistful of her hair, yanking her roughly out of her master’s reach. Pain bloomed in her scalp with the biting grip that only worsened when the man holding her spun her around so her back was snug against his front and her head was pulled against his shoulder. 

Knowing better than to cry out, she bit her tongue instead, willing herself to be quiet. 

“You will NEVER touch me again. Do you hear me?!” the Castellan shouted past her ear at her master. Her insides knotted in dread. She’d only ever heard him this angry once before and it hadn’t ended well. “She may be a gift to you, and I may not be permitted to kill her, but know that I have no qualms about hurting her. And I will do so with abandon if you ever defy me again,” he warned. “And in case you doubt me...” he said, throwing her down to the ground to her knees before pressing something on his wrist. 

A scream tore from her lips as pain ripped through her, radiating from her chest outward. Her heart was exploding. She was sure of it.

“NOOOO!” her master’s voice shouted in the distance. Agonized cries were pulled from her as the pain reasserted itself in pulsed waves that crashed through her one after the other. 

Her master’s voice was muffled and unclear as he continued shouting, but the Castellan’s wasn’t. “It will stop when she remembers her place,” she heard him say, presumably to her master.

Biting her tongue once again, she closed her eyes and willed herself to be quiet. The next pulse hit with force but she contained it with concentrated pressure of her teeth on her tongue. The hot copper taste of her own blood filled her mouth as another wave slammed into her. 

Then it stopped. 

“Good. It seems you needed a refresher, my dear,” the Castellan said. 

In moments she heard scuffled movement and felt a cool hand on her forehead. Her master. 

“You _bastard_ ,” he spat, clearly directing his comment at the Castellan. For an unclear moment she wondered why he was angry. He must be bothered that the Castellan had taken it upon himself to punish her when she was no longer his to punish.

The Castellan tsked in response. “Really, Doctor. Don’t force me to teach you deference as well. Because I promise it will not be you who suffers,” he said significantly. 

Rose could feel the tension that radiated through her master as he knelt beside her, but he didn’t respond. Instead he stroked her forehead and her cheek, his touch gentle despite the anger she knew was bubbling beneath his skin. 

“You are expected to attend your inauguration tomorrow afternoon and the reception following, Doctor,” she heard Castellan say from the door, his voice neutral. “You will be on your best behaviour. As you can see, the Security Pin is capable of so much more than being a simple restraining device. I would hate to have to demonstrate all of it’s impressive settings during your ceremony, so I’d advise you to play nice,” the Castellan practically cooed as he reached into his robes to pull out an envelope. Dropping it on the floor beside him as he crouched beside her he said, “This is your speech for the inauguration. The commander and his detail will pick you up in 4.3 marcrospans past mid-day. You may bring your human, but clean her up first,” he instructed with distaste. 

Opening her eyes, Rose saw his red robed form turning to leave, but he stopped before actually exiting. “Oh, and I almost forgot,” he said before looking out the door and snapping his fingers. 

In moments Captain Rula appeared carrying a pile of red, gold and white fabric. “Clothing for you and your human. The vice-presidential headdress will be bestowed during the ceremony,” Rula explained to her master before the Castellan moved aside to make room for him to move past.   
Striding through the house the Captain moved to the kitchen and placed the pile of fabric on the table. On his way by, the dark haired Captain cast a glance down at Rose’s prone form. 

At the moment she didn’t care much about anything but the pain still throbbing in her chest, but she couldn’t help but notice his expression. She was used to looks of either disinterest or pure disdain from members of the Chancellery Guard. But there was something different about the way the Captain looked at her. He almost looked… concerned. Within seconds, though, the moment was gone. The young looking Captain’s expression reverted to one of neutrality as he returned to His Lordships’s side. 

“It appears you’ve been given a rather important role to fill, Doctor,” the Castellan observed, resuming his taunting diatribe. “I trust you now understand the repercussions of letting the President and the members of the council down,” he said, his lips quirking up in a sick smile. Turning then, he left.

Closing her eyes in relief, Rose took a steadying breath in. He was gone. The man who’d haunted every nightmare she’d had since arriving on Gallifrey was gone. Her body wanted to shut down in response to the decrease of adrenaline in her system. Her chest still hurt so much.

In moments, though, she heard her master curse vehemently in Gallifreyan. He was angry. She was in trouble.


	8. Pained

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.
> 
> NOTE: Mind the rating for this story. This chapter, and few that follow, contain references to non-con.

### 

Lying on the floor of the foyer, Rose felt relief pour through her as the front door clicked closed behind the Castellan. Within moments, though, she heard her master curse vehemently in Gallifreyan. He was angry. 

A surge of adrenaline tried to assert itself inside her, but she was having difficulty summoning the energy to try to talk herself out of whatever punishment he planned to add to the Castellan’s. She couldn’t blame him, after all. She’d disobeyed his direct order to stay in the kitchen. 

In moments his strong arms lifted her head and shoulders off the ground and she was swept up wholly into his arms. Resignedly she slumped against him, truly unable to do anything else. Dejectedly she opened her eyes to find she was being carried up the stairs. 

Up the stairs.

Alarm flew through her. He was taking her upstairs to the bedroom. Closing her eyes again, she tried to stave off panic. She’d been so afraid of this, but she’d prayed her master might not use such discipline. The Castellan had readied her for such punishment and had used it himself on a few occasions. The back of her closed lids filled with images of his wrinkled form sliding over hers, his puffy lips berating her as he grabbed cruelly at her breasts and pressed his cock into her where it would create the most pain. She didn’t want to go through that again. Moisture stung her eyes and she felt a tear slip down the side of her face to drip into her hair. 

Maybe if she pretended to be unconscious? Would he still do it? Before she even really considered it, she dismissed the thought. If he was going to do it, she’d rather it be sooner than later. The worry and fear would be almost worse if she had to live with the knowledge it was coming hours or days from now. 

She opened her eyes again just as he was laying her on her bed. Working to keep her fear under control she decided she needed to just turn off and take what was coming to her. 

Her master sat on the edge of the bed and laid his hand on her cheek, stroking down gently. Holding her breath for a moment she waited for whatever would follow. 

“Just close your eyes, Rose,” he said softly. 

He was trying to be kind in his administration of her punishment. That was a good sign. At least it might be over quickly. Her master continued to stroke her cheek for a moment and then pulled back. 

He must be undressing. Deciding he might show even more mercy if she showed her acceptance of her fate, she turned her head away from him and sat up. The Castellan had taught her that unless she was ordered to, she mustn’t look at a Time Lord when he or she was bare. It was the epitome of disrespect. She definitely wasn’t going to add that to the list of things she’d done wrong so far with her master. 

Pulling her shift up and over her head, she lay it beside her on the bed and removed her bra to do the same. 

“Rose! What are you doing?!” her master’s alarmed voice echoed through the room. 

Shrinking away from him, she instinctively cowered toward the opposite end of the bed. He’d probably wanted to disrobe her. God, she was so stupid! “I’m sorry, my lord,” she apologized, her gaze still turned resolutely away. “I thought you would want me to,” she added, hastily pulling her shift back over her head in an effort to cover up.

Behind her she felt the bed sink. Squeezing her eyes shut she braced for pain. For a moment it was quiet as she sat tensely, waiting for the inevitable blow. Under her, the bed shook the smallest bit and then, to her bewilderment a quiet sob issued from behind her.

Unable to keep from looking, Rose tentatively turned her head. Her master was turned away from her, his shoulders shaking. Another mournful sob escaped him.

Confusion swirled in her as she watched her master despair before her. It made no sense. He… he was going to punish her. And really, she deserved it. Was he upset because she was such a poor servant? But… surely he’d not feel such despair over that?

Whatever was causing his pain, it honestly hurt her inside watching him going through it. She wasn’t sure why, really, but somewhere deep inside her, she could feel his sadness calling to her. This man… the Doctor… he shouldn’t feel this way. He should never feel this way. She could feel the truth of that in the depths of her heart. Reaching out tentatively, she touched his back. 

Instead of comforting him, though, her action seemed to spur him to deeper sadness as he leaned over further to bury his face in his hands, his louder sobs now muffled.

She honestly wasn’t sure what possessed her, but she turned then and moved in behind him to wrap her arms around him from behind. The ache in her chest from her earlier punishment increased a bit as she pressed herself against his back, but that was the least of her worries at the moment. Right now he needed her and she’d vowed she’d be there for him. She’d prove herself worthy. 

Her master’s tears didn’t abate, but his hands moved to cover her arms as they encased him. “Shhhh,” she whispered. “It’s gonna be alright,” she promised. 

“Rose…” he croaked after a few moments. “I… I…” he trailed off, a sad moan taking over.

For some reason, courage took hold in her then. He needed her. He’d said it before. And she was gonna be there for him even if meant he might not be pleased with her actions later. 

Moving to kneel beside him, she gently touched the side of his face, urging him to turn toward her. When he did, her heart melted. Wet tears tracked down his face and his eyes were reddened with sorrow. “I’m here,” she said, unable to keep her own tears from welling in response to his. Longing and anguish seemed to pour from him as his eyes bored into hers. He seemed to be searching for something… for acceptance? Forgiveness? Understanding? She didn’t know. And really, it didn’t matter. She was here for him in any capacity he needed.

Leaning forward, she dared to position her lips close to his. Close, but not touching. She wasn’t going to make that mistake again. She was his if he wanted her. That was her message now. She felt her heartbeat quicken as their shared breath mingled between them, the air decidedly charged. 

Finally he moved minutely closer, his hooded eyes now focused on her mouth. That was all the permission she needed. Closing the remaining distance between them, she pressed her lips to his. 

He responded immediately, his lips moving beneath hers before the tip of his tongue snaked into her mouth. 

The initial fear she’d had about getting close to him… of giving herself to him… of giving her body to him… it was suddenly gone. She wanted him. Her master. The Doctor. She was his and he needed her. That’s all that mattered now. 

It seemed any reserve he’d had about wanting her had also gone, she was satisfied to note as his hands moved up to pull her against him. Still working his mouth, she reached between them and began undoing his jacket. He seemed to be working out what she wanted, because a moment later he pulled away and threw it off, along with his shirt and vest. 

Moving quickly to gather her back in, he buried his face in her neck and began kissing and nipping there as his hands roamed along the cloth covering her back. 

The feel of his lips on her neck sent a zing of arousal through her. She hadn’t expected this. To feel anything. But she did. She really did. Having him against her was actually insanely pleasurable... she’d never anticipated she might actually _like_ being with her master in this way. It certainly wasn’t something she’d been taught might happen. 

Deciding not to overthink it, she tried to just enjoy the feel of him against her. Of his lips kissing across her clavicle as he gently pulled the edge of the shift to the side. Of his pleasured moans rumbling through his chest as it pressed against hers. 

Not wishing to overstep her bounds, but also wanting to feel his skin against hers, she dared to reach up and pull her her shift up and off of her. The fabric dropped away to reveal her chest to him. 

The soft presses of his lips against her skin stopped then and the hiss of a breath in took their place. Flashing her gaze up to his she found him staring at her chest… but not in the way she’d hoped he would. His eyes were fixed on the dull blue light pulsing lazily beneath the skin at the top of her breast. 

“Gods… what am I doing?” he said, pulling back and away from her in haste, leaving her alone and bereft on the bed. 

“What?” she asked, once again perplexed at his behaviour. He’d been enjoying her. She was sure of it. 

“I… I can’t… ” he said, his brows furrowing above his conflicted eyes. 

Seeing he was torn for some reason and feeling bold, she crawled toward him to end up in a high kneel before him as he stood frozen beside the bed. Toying with the edge of the tiny knickers she’d been provided, she said, “But you can… I want you to.” 

Bravely she moved her hands down to pull the edges of her knickers down until they uncovered her to land at her knees. His eyes dutifully followed her their movement and he swallowed thickly as the scrap of fabric finally dropped to reveal her to him. Then, reaching out to pull him toward her by the band of his trousers, she tugged boldly and he stumbled a bit, moving only half against his will, to stand before her. 

Her hands slid up his chest to wrap around his neck, pulling him in for a solid kiss as she purposefully moved forward to press her bare skin against him. 

He began again to respond… to kiss her back with intensity, but his pleasure quickly turned into a negative hum against her lips and he pulled away. “No. NO. I won’t… I can’t do this,” he reiterated. “I can’t do this!” he admonished, closing his eyes and pressing his fists against the sides of his head. “I’m sorry, Rose. It’s not you,” he said, bending down to retrieve his shirt quickly. “I just… I can’t do this to you. You need you to remember. You have to know what… who you’re choosing,” he said nonsensically. 

“Doctor… please,” she entreated bravely. “Please don’t leave,” she heard herself beg. “I can please you! I’m here for you… you need this,” she said, hoping he might change his mind. 

Her words seemed to have the very opposite of the intended effect, however, and backing up… backing _away_... he shook his head. “But you don’t need this. You need… you deserve... and I… I… ” he trailed off, worry and anxiety pouring from him. For a moment he simply stood there, his mouth opening and closing. She could almost see him trying to formulate a way to tell her he just didn’t want her. Finally it seemed he couldn’t stand to even look at her any longer and he turned to dart through the door of her room. 

Leaning back to sit on her heels, she sat staring dejectedly at the empty doorframe, hoping he might come back but knowing better. She was alone. And at this rate, it looked like she might be alone for a long time. Unwanted by the one person in the universe who she was tied to. He held her life in his hands. And if he didn’t want her, what did that mean? 

It meant that before long she’d be returned to the Castellan, likely to be disposed of. She had been groomed for the Doctor. His Lordship had made it very clear. If she didn’t do her duty… if she didn’t please him as she’d been instructed to do, she’d be killed. There was no other use for her. 

For a moment, she waited for the familiar sting of tears in her eyes, but they didn’t come. She had no tears left for this. If she was going to die, she was going to die. She only hoped it would be quick and that her master didn’t take too long to come to the decision to pass her back to her trainer. Then again… maybe he’d simply give her to someone else. After all, he seemed to hate the Castellan. He’d probably pass her on to someone else just to spite His Lordship. 

That thought was almost more worrying than the first. If she was given back to the Castellan, at least she knew her fate. At least then she’d be guaranteed an end to the torment that was her life here. If she was passed on to a new master, it was very possible her life could end up even worse than it had been with the Castellan. 

Sighing, she rolled onto her back and pulled up her knickers. She was so tired. Maybe her master wouldn’t mind if she slept for a bit. He probably would, but at the moment she had trouble pulling up worry for the possibility of a beating. 

Moving to the top of the bed she pulled back the sheets and climbed under them. Pulling one of the fluffy pillows under her head as she curled onto her side, she stared at the wall before her for a moment before letting exhaustion take her. She just wanted to close her eyes and never wake up.


	9. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter up! Thanks, as always, for your encouraging words and for following this story :)

### 

The Doctor finally sat down on one of the plush couches in the sitting room after having come downstairs half an hour ago. After their encounter yesterday Rose had stayed in her room and had presumably fallen asleep. For a while he’d waited, working to pull himself together and hoping she’d come down so they could talk. By the time the second sun went down, though, he knew she wouldn’t be joining him again. 

Sneaking upstairs, he’d listened at her door and only silence greeted him. She was sleeping. He’d thought of peeking in… to apologize again. To make sure she was alright. But in the end he’d decided against it. She needed the rest and he didn’t want to risk waking her, so he’d decided to try getting a few hours in himself. He was due for a kip and really, other than more self-flagellation, there wasn’t much he could accomplish during the night. 

Now, as he sat on the couch in the sitting room, hoping Rose would join him soon, he once again let guilt run freely. How could he have let it get that far? What the hell had he been thinking? 

He hadn’t been. That was the problem. Once again he replayed the scene in his mind.

 _“I’m sorry, Rose. It’s not you,”_ he’d said, frantically looking about for his discarded shirt. _“I just… I can’t do this to you. You need you to remember. You have to know what… who you’re choosing,”_ he’d tried to explain despite the fact that every nerve ending he had was singing with want and anxiety equally. 

Then she’d pleaded with him not to leave. Gods… even after thinking he might… he might force himself on her… she still wanted him to stay! And then he’d almost bloody let things get out of hand anyway, he admonished himself yet again.

 _“I can please you! I’m here for you… you need this,”_ she’d said, her gorgeous, enticing body and her pleading voice beckoning him back. 

A part of him… a disturbingly big, big part of him… had wanted to once again crawl back into her arms, but thankfully the actual content of her message penetrated and overrode his need for solace. _”I can please you_.” Very distressfully, he could almost hear Castellan’s voice echoing within her words. It’d made him ill. 

Shaking his head he’d backed away without even realizing he was doing so. He tried then to explain… he needed her to understand! His mouth spouted something nonsensical before he’d trailed off, at a complete loss for intelligent words. Everything inside him was demanding he leave, but the hurt on Rose’s face had made him pause. She’d looked so small. So lost. None of this could possibly have made sense to her. He’d been the king of mixed signals and she had been programmed to bloody ‘please’ him (Gods! The very thought made him livid!). For a moment he’d tried to find more words to explain why this just couldn't happen. She deserved at least that much.

So he’d tried. He’d really tried to find a way to convey why he had to leave… why he couldn’t just lose himself in her like he wanted to. Like his body and his very soul had desperately craved him to. He’d tried to find words. Instead, though, his mind and mouth simply shut down. He had to leave. He needed to get his head together. Turning, he’d darted from her room like the coward he was. 

Now, his eyes resolutely focused out the window, he sat in the sitting room trying to keep it together. He needed to be strong. For Rose. She needed him in one mental piece if she was going to regain her memories and get off this forsaken planet. 

Once again he wondered if Rose planned to come downstairs at all this morning. He didn’t feel right going into her room again. Not after what he’d almost done yesterday. He clearly had little self control at the moment, and Rose wasn’t in her right mind. She seemed intent on letting him defile her. Not that _any_ of what had happened was her fault. She’d been brainwashed to believe she was simply a tool for his satisfaction. 

For the thousandth time since the Castellan had soiled this home with his presence, he considered how he might make the man suffer for what he’d done to the woman he loved. Oh - and he had come up with more than a few options. So far he figured he’d settle on just dumping him into space just over a supernova. He’d considered more lingering, painful deaths for His Lordship, but really, despite his fantasies to the contrary, he didn’t think he had it in him to truly torture anyone. He would have to settle for a simple, quick demise for the soul sucking bastard.

Somewhere upstairs he thought he heard movement. Was she coming down? Standing, he approached the stairs. What would he say to her? It was now agonizingly clear that she expected him to… to ‘own’ her. The thought made him shiver. He’d _wanted_ Rose Tyler for years, but not like that. Never like that. His dreams of Rose deigning to come to his bed… letting him worship her because she was so far above him in every way that mattered… _that_ was the only way he’d ever feel right about being with her. His incredible woman. 

_No. Not HIS,_ he reminded himself. Not yet. Maybe not ever if she and his meta-crisis had committed themselves to each other. 

Realizing the house had quieted again, he remained motionless at the bottom of the stairs. Should he go to her? After what he’d almost done he found he was actually reticent of even being near her again. His mind was clearly on board with this whole _Not HIS_ thing, but apparently the minute she entered his personal space all bets were off. His body seemed to have a mind of its own when it came to her. 

Upstairs he thought he once again heard movement.

Sighing, he gave himself a mental kick. He needed to bloody man up. He was a Time Lord, not a caveman, for Omega’s sake, though apparently, if his contemporary Time Lords were anything to judge by, the two were not as far apart as he’d previously imagined.

Taking a fortifying breath, he mounted the stairs and headed up. He had to talk to her. He needed to explain things and set up some common understanding of their current relationship. If he couldn’t actually help her remember at this point, he could at least set up some boundaries for their immediate situation. 

An idea occurred to him then. He shouldn’t necessarily completely abandon the idea of getting her memories restored before he got her off this planet. There was one more thing he could try. 

Arriving at her door, the Doctor stood for a moment and gathered his courage. It was quiet in her room once more. Was she still sleeping? Maybe he should wait just in case. Let her rest. The Castellan’s brutal attack on her yesterday would’ve tired her and she should really regain her strength before he barged in to demand a chat. 

Yeah. That’s it.

Turning, he headed toward his room across the hall. 

Behind him, her door clicked open. Blimey. Serves him right for trying to put it off. Turning, he found Rose, bleary eyed, standing in the frame of her door wearing the same robe she’d worn yesterday morning.

For a moment he thought she’d say something, but instead she stood there in silence, regarding him warily. 

“I, um… I’m sorry, did I wake you?” he asked, feeling badly. He should’ve stayed downstairs and just let her rest for a bit. Their chat really could’ve waited.

He watched as she blinked in what seemed to be surprise. “I, er… I’m sorry I fell asleep, Doctor. It won’t happen again,” she promised.

It was the Doctor’s turn to be surprised. Of course, he knew he really shouldn’t have been. Given her wrongly perceived status it made complete sense that she’d turn this around on herself somehow. “No… please don’t be sorry, Rose. I should’ve let you rest longer. After what he…” he swallowed back another surge of frustration at their situation, “... what he did to you your body will need to recover. In fact, I should… maybe I should just let you go back to sleep. We can talk later,” he said more to himself than her.

He was about to turn away again when her small voice stopped him. “Please don’t go.”

Her pleading words nearly broke his hearts. “Are you sure? You need rest after all that,” he asked.

“I’m sure. Please come in, Doctor. I won’t touch you again if you don’t wish it,” she swore. 

Wish it? Of _course_ he wished it. He bloody wished it too much…all the time, in fact. That was exactly the problem. Instead of saying that, though, he said, “Thank-you, but maybe you could come downstairs instead,” he broached, not wanting to deny her offer but also not trusting his own self control if she did indeed decide to console him in that manner again.

“Alright, Doctor. Can I dress first?” she asked.

His treacherous eyes immediately slid down to once again take in her attire - or lack thereof. Blimey she was beautiful.

“Doctor?”

Darting his eyes immediately back up to meet hers he said, “Oh! Yes, of course. Please do. Clothes. Great invention, those. I’ll, uh,” he scratched the back of his neck nervously, “I’ll make tea, yeah? Tannins. Just what we need about now. So… I’ll just meet you down there, then?” he bumbled, trying not to look like the lecherous old man he knew himself to be. Quickly he turned away and practically dashed down the stairs in an effort to avoid letting his gob continue to run.

OoOoOoOoO

Rose made her way downstairs to find her master pouring tea into an oversized mug. 

“There you are!” he said enthusiastically. “Made you tea. Earl Grey. Your favourite. Spot of cream, right?” he said, reaching for the creamer.

“Um… yeah. Thank-you. But I should be doing all this, not you,” she said, feeling uncomfortable. Her master was very confusing. Earlier she’d been sure that, after waking from a kip that turned into a full blown night’s sleep, she’d be punished and likely kicked out on her arse. Now he was here making her tea!

“Sit,” her master said, indicating one of the high chairs at the counter. Doing as she was bid, she watched him slide the cup toward her. “I prefer the thrinaberry tea, myself. But then, to each his own,” he smiled, moving to pick up another full mug of what she presumed contained said tea. 

Plunking himself next to her at the breakfast bar he took a sip from his cup and hummed his appreciation. Deciding she might as well do the same, she brought her mug up to her lips. The hot beverage stung her tongue a bit but the comforting flavour quickly replaced the slightly overwhelming temperature. 

“Rose,” her master said tentatively, “there’s something I’d like to try with you, if it’s alright. I know you don’t like people in your head, but I’d like to just check on something. I swear I won’t look at anything I don’t need to. Would you be okay with that?” 

A dart of fear pierced her. He was going to enter her mind. Well, it’s not like this eventuality wasn’t expected. And she was certainly grateful he actually told her he was going to do it before he did it. It was more than she deserved. 

Nodding, she closed her eyes and waited.

“I’m going to touch your temples. You’ll feel a slight pressure,” he warned. 

She was aware she was squeezing her eyes shut a bit tighter as she felt his fingers against the side of her face. Bracing herself, she waited for the pain. Instead, though, his entry into her mind was just as he’d said it would be. There was only a slight pressure and then, surprisingly, there was only a smooth, warm presence sliding soothingly through her head. Without her even realizing she’d done it, a small gasp left her. This was… pleasant. Almost pleasurable.

“You alright?” her master’s voice asked, sounding a bit worried.

“Yeah,” she answered truthfully. 

“Good,” he said, sounding a bit relieved. Sitting still, she felt his presence move placidly through her mind as if it belonged there. The feeling was actually incredibly comforting. She realized she should try not to get too relaxed with this encounter, though. She’d learned before that things that start out pleasurable often morphed into pain with no warning.

Before she’d even had time to really consider that thought, though, he was sliding out of her mind. 

A large sigh left him. “They’ve set up a psychic security barrier around your memories like I’d done with Donna,” he said, almost to himself. “I figured. I’d hoped maybe I could unlock your memories psychically…” he trailed off. Leaning back, he regarded her sadly. 

She felt for a moment that she should apologize, but she wasn’t sure exactly what for. Apparently her mind was fortified somehow. 

“I guess this means we should talk,” he said, resigned.

A niggle of fear trickled down her spine. When he’d tried to ‘talk’ with her yesterday she’d passed out. She wasn’t very keen to do that again.

He must’ve seen the trepidation in her eyes, then, because he quickly added, “I promise I won’t try to make you remember anything. That was my mistake. They’ve made sure I can’t help you access your memories, so I won’t. At least for now,” he added. “But we need to talk about… about us.”

Us? The use of the word sounded promising. She’d been sure when she woke she’d be on her way out the door by now, but here he was making her tea and talking about ‘us’. That was good, right? She could hope, anyway.

“Alright, Doctor,” she agreed, sitting up taller to show she was really listening.

For a moment he seemed to be gathering his thoughts before he said, “You see… I know I can’t tell you much about your past, Rose, but I knew you before this. Before now,” he started.

A tingle of discomfort played through her with the comment.

“That’s all I’m going to say about that, but please don’t forget it. It will explain why I say some things… why I do some things in the future, alright?” he said. 

Nodding, she tried to push away the slightly anxious feeling she had around the idea. He knew her. She couldn’t imagine how. Had he chosen her specifically to be trained as his personal servant?

“But what’s important right now,” he went on, “is what they’ve done to you here,” he said earnestly. “I know we’ve already talked about it a bit, but I need to know more about what you think is expected of you. You were ‘taught’ how to act… how to be with Time Lords… I just need to know more. What they’ve taught you is different than how we need to be together, but I have to know what they’ve told you first so I can clear up some things between us,” he elaborated.

He wanted her to talk more about her training. Just like last time, the idea wasn’t a pleasant one, but he seemed to really be intent on having her agree, so she nodded again. 

“Right,” he started, standing to pace on the other side of the kitchen. “So… I know it’s probably hard, but could you please tell me again… what sort of things did the Castellan teach you?” Even uttering the Castellan’s name seemed difficult for him. 

Taking a steadying breath, she once again called up some of the many, many lessons she’d had to learn. Finally she started to list off a few of them. “Well, he taught me how to address a Time Lord. He taught me to stay quiet unless spoken to. He taught me never to look directly at a Time Lord unless it was requested,” she spelled off. “He had others teach me how to cook. He made sure I knew the etiquette for meals and gatherings. He made sure I knew how to pleasure a Time Lord. He-”

“He WHAT?!” the Doctor coughed in surprise, nearly spitting out his tea. 

Looking at her hands, she took another steadying breath. “Well, as a personal servant my job is to please you, my lord,” she elaborated, realizing belatedly she’d used the wrong address for him. Looking up quickly, she found him pacing tensely across the room. 

He seemed to want to continue with that line of questioning, but to her surprise he didn’t. “What else, Rose? What else did he teach you?” he asked, though she wasn’t convinced he really wanted to know. Hers was not to question, however, so she continued as requested.

“I am to defer to you in all things. Your needs come before all others,” she recounted, recalling the many lessons that emphasized this very point. 

Her master’s teeth clenched together. “So earlier, when I took you to your room, you thought… you thought I needed to be… pleased?” he asked.

Rose felt her stomach turn. No. That’s not what she’d thought. At least not at first.

“Rose?”

“I thought… I thought you were angry with me,” she confided, still looking down. “I deserved punishment for having disobeyed you. I thought you were going to discipline me,” she explained.

“Discipline?” he said, confused. “But… you were getting undressed…” he trailed off. No words came from him for a moment, but she couldn’t bring herself to lift her gaze. “Oh, Gods,” he intoned lowly, horror evident in his voice.

Daring to look up, she found him staring at her aghast. 

“He raped you.” 

It was a statement, but he still looked like he wanted confirmation. She nodded.

“And you thought… you thought I was gonna…” he trailed off once again. His eyes looked pained. Almost betrayed. 

Did he want an answer this time? He seemed to already know it.

For a moment she thought he might be angry with her assessment of the situation at the time, but instead of yelling, he darted around the island and sat in the chair beside hers to take her gently by the chin. “Rose Tyler… I give you my word. I will never. NEVER. hurt you like that. Do you understand? You never need to fear me like that, alright?” he said, his eyes begging for her understanding.

Unbidden, tears stung Rose’s eyes even as he searched them with his own. A quiet ‘alright’ was all she could get out.

“On top of that, I will never ‘discipline’ you. You’re the most important person in my life. I swear on the universe… and I really need you to hear me right now, Rose… I swear I will never, ever hurt you on purpose. Alright? I will never lift a hand to you. I will never do what they’ve done to you. What the Castellan did to you. Please tell me you understand and believe what I’m saying,” he begged.

She honestly couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Did he mean what he was saying? He wouldn’t punish her? Ever? It seemed impossible. Surely this was some sort of lesson he was teaching her. In moments she’d be slapped or kicked, or maybe he’d drag her upstairs and finish what she thought he was gonna do yesterday. 

“Rose?”

“I want to believe you,” she dared to say. He had just directed her to tell him she believed him. If he meant anything he’d said, she wouldn’t be punished for her reply. This would be the test.

For a long moment he simply searched her eyes as she bit her lip anxiously. This was it. 

“I can’t make you believe me, Rose, but if you don’t already trust I won’t harm you, I’ll prove it to you. You’ll see that I will only treat you with respect,” he said. “All I can ask is that you please, please leave yourself open to the idea that I might not want to hurt you. That I want you to feel safe with me,” he asked.

He hadn’t gotten angry. He hadn’t struck out. God. Was he telling the truth? Could this be for real? She daren’t believe it. She couldn’t. The Castellan had promised her less pain in exchange for her cooperation before, and it had always ended with agony. Somehow, though, this man was different. He seemed different. A big part of her was begging her to believe him. To try to trust him. Could she do that? Dare she?

Before she even realized she’d said it, the words escaped her. “I’ll try.”

A bright grin filled the Time Lord’s face. “Brilliant,” he said simply. “That’s all I can ask for,” he smiled. Then his face became earnest once again. “As for those other rules, Rose… forget them. You are my equal. No. You are my _superior_. You are the suns and the moons to me. Do not defer to me simply because they told you to. If you agree with me… agree with me. If not, please tell me. You are an intelligent, incredible being who deserves nothing but my respect. Got it?” he said, leveling a look at her that betrayed his earnestness and… was that affection?

A tiny, tiny piece of her heart seemed to warm then. He seemed genuine. He really did. Could it be that he meant what he was saying? She didn’t feel like she could completely trust her heart, but it was telling her, for some reason, that she just might be alright if she did.


	10. The Ceremony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one, but I didn't want to break it into two, so you're in for a bit of a read, I'm afraid! Enjoy!

### 

Standing before the full length mirror in her room, Rose studied her sunlit reflection before picking up the the floor length plain white gown she’d been given for the ceremony. She’d been putting off getting dressed, as that meant she’d soon be facing the Castellan again. Surely he’d be at the ceremony and there was no doubt in her mind he’d make a point of letting her know he was watching her.

Playing with the fabric of the dress as she ruminated, she realized it was an odd texture with stitches seemingly randomly strewn over it. Looking down, she studied it for a moment before finally realizing it was inside out. Pushing the fabric through itself to right the gown, she was surprised to find what she ended up looking at was really quite beautiful. Sewn through the bodice of the gown were a series of beaded circles and swooping lines. The effect was quite stunning. 

Slipping it on, she turned to the side to study herself again in the mirror. In an effort to make herself more attractive she’d already pulled her hair up into a loose bun leaving tendrils of her blonde hair to frame her face. She’d been provided with make-up and had applied it as she’d been taught; understated around the eyes with brighter lipstick. Overall, the result was actually quite stunning which oddly made her feel a flutter of giddiness despite the circumstances. She actually looked good, which made her aware of the fact she actually wanted to look attractive for her master. And surprisingly not just because she knew she should. 

Once again she ran over the end of the conversation she’d had with him earlier. Something warmed in her heart when she thought of it. He really seemed genuine in hoping she’d believe him. Then again, so had the Castellan sometimes when he’d promise her things. That never turned out to her advantage, she recalled with a shiver. Her master seemed different somehow, though. She actually found herself daring to hope he might be genuine. It was probably what he’d said just before he’d come upstairs to get ready that really made it sink in for her. 

_”I should probably go get dressed for this ceremony. You don’t have to come though, Rose, if you don’t want to. You’re your own person and can make your own decisions, but, if I’m honest, I’d be more comfortable if you came with me. I’d feel better knowing I can protect you, because I don’t trust these animals not to hurt you if I leave you alone here. Still… I’ll respect your wishes to stay home if you want to,”_ he’d offered.

He actually had offered her a choice. And despite the sense she had that it would’ve been difficult for him to let her stay here if she wished it, he actually seemed to be ready to let it happen. It felt decidedly odd having him be open to her wishes. It was almost uncomfortable, really. In the end, of course, she’d agreed to go with him. He wanted her there… he’d even said it. Even if he hadn’t, though, she knew she’d be afraid here on her own. Somehow, being with him felt so much safer than being without him.

So once he’d gone off to get ready, she’d headed up to her room to do the same. The Castellan had said the Doctor had better clean her up if she was to be there at his ceremony. Her master may have promised not to hurt her, but there was no way she could assume the Castellan wouldn’t punish her if she showed up less than completely presentable. Now, looking at her reflection, she actually believed she looked even more than that.

Grabbing the white robe she’d also been provided, she pulled it on over the gown and turned to double check the back of the robe in the mirror to make sure it was straight. Yup. Turning back around she smiled. It was an unusual feeling to feel attractive. 

Making her way downstairs, she looked around the main floor for her master and found him in the sitting room, standing before one of the large windows facing the view of the Gallifreyan mountains. For a moment she simply watched him staring out at the landscape. He looked so regal in his billowing red formal ceremonial robe with its deeper red cape. He wasn’t wearing the skullcap or the shoulder piece… she imagined he would receive those at the ceremony. Instead, his thick brown hair poked up in all the right places making her wonder what it might be like to run her hands through it. The thought made something stir in her belly… something not unpleasant. 

“I never thought I’d see them again,” he said, startling her. He’d obviously sensed her presence behind him. “The mountains of Gallifrey.” He shook his head in wonder. “I thought they were lost to me forever,” he said wistfully.

Unable to keep from moving to him, she walked over to stand beside him and looked out the window with him to really study the mountains he spoke of. One of the suns was beginning to descend, casting their bases slightly in shadow. They really were breathtaking. “They’re beautiful,” she said, chancing a look up at him. His eyes were distant and clouded.

Nodding his agreement, he allowed himself a small smile. “Yeah, they are. And you should see them when both the suns set. Gorgeous,” he confirmed. 

Looking back outside, she thought maybe she should suggest they watch the suns-set together one day. 

“I’d always wanted you to see them, you know. You even asked once if we could come here,” he said, an empty dark chuckle escaping him. “To think _this_ is the planet you’d wanted to see. Of course, it’s hardly the planet’s fault. And it’s not like every man, woman and child on it right now are the embodiment of evil its leaders are,” he reasoned. “Still. I wish I could’ve shown you my world before it was so corrupt. Before the Time Lords mutated into what they’ve become. There was a time when more than the landscape was beautiful,” he said sadly. 

Looking outside again, she ventured, “But you’re going to be vice-president, though. Couldn’t you help change all that? You can be the one Time Lord who convinces the others to do right by this planet. To make Gallifrey beautiful again,” she suggested. 

The Doctor continued gazing out the window, a sad but fond smile playing on his lips. “It’s so like you to see the possibility for good, Rose Tyler,” he said, glancing down at her before refocusing back out the window. “It’s too late for redemption for them, though, I’m afraid. The people who’ve run this planet for the past six or seven hundred years and those who have put themselves in power now… they believe they are above all others. Above humans, ood, kaleds, zygons… above every other species in the universe. My people think it’s their right to lord over and rule other sentient species because they’re more technologically advanced,” he shook his head. “I can’t change that in them. Gods know I’ve tried before,” he trailed off, seemingly reliving some memory. After a moment he added softly, “There’s nothing left for this lot but their end.” The statement seemed to echo in some lonely place within him. 

She wanted to comfort him somehow, but honestly couldn’t think of what to say. It had taken her a long time to see anything past her own fears, but now, having listened to his sad remembrance of what his planet once was and hearing him fight against the traditions of his own people she was starting to realize how very much he hated this. He wasn’t complicit in how she’d been trained… she understood that. What she hadn’t realized was that he seemed to dislike his entire species. At least those running this planet, anyway. She wondered for a moment why he’d ever agreed to becoming vice-president if he truly saw no hope for his people. He seemed so sure there was nothing could be done to change them and his despair around that fact made her ache for him. Reaching over, she took a chance and grasped his hand. 

The overture seemed to surprise him a bit, but he quickly threaded his fingers through hers and looked down at her with distinct appreciation. He seemed about to say something when a knock sounded at the door. The warmth in his eyes immediately faded. “Looks like it’s time to go,” he said, standing taller. His hand squeezed hers a bit in reassurance and he gently encouraged her to come with him to see who it was. 

“Lord Doctor. We’re here to escort you to the ceremony,” Commander Drago said when the door was opened for him. He was standing formally outside the door with one of his captains and a slew of lieutenants who were apparently ready to take him where he was required.

“Right,” her master replied. “Rose?” he said, looking down at her. “Shall we allons-y?” offering her the crook of his arm.

“Um… yes?” she replied, not knowing how she knew the meaning of what he’d just said, but she did. Eying his arm, she considered whether she should take it. Maybe her master didn’t know the etiquette when it came to personal servants. They’d held hands and walked together on the way to his home yesterday, but today would be different. People would be watching. 

Darting him a questioning eye, he raised his eyebrows in response and wiggled his arm a bit. She wondered if she should say something. Questioning him though, in front of the guards… it would be very inappropriate, if not worthy of a beating. Deciding not to push her luck, she slipped her hand through to take his arm. The smile he gave her in return made her warm inside. 

Her master made to step forward then with her arm draped through his but was halted before they could step through the door. “Your human is to walk behind you outside your home,” Commander Drago directed.

The Doctor shot the Commander a glare that would’ve frozen Rose in her tracks had it been directed at her. Instead, though, the Commander stared back, apparently unfazed by her master’s threatening demeanor. 

“Listen, _Commander_. I will go along with this ridiculous charade because I have no choice. I will _not_ , however, allow this woman to be treated as any less than the equal that she is. Now she _will_ be walking beside me, is that understood?” he bit.

For a moment it felt like the air had frozen with the two men’s equal determination to ride this out to what could very well become a violent conclusion. Rose’s insides squeezed uncomfortably in anxiety. She wished her master wouldn’t argue for her like this. The last thing she wanted was for him to get in trouble because of her. Finally though, the Commander appeared to think better of further goading her master and buckled under the Doctor’s fierce gaze. Begrudgingly nodding his head in defeat, the Commander stepped out of their way to allow them to pass. “Let’s go,” he said tersely.

Before moving, the Doctor settled his hand over hers and drew her in a bit tighter in a decidedly protective gesture. It was reassurance that he was going to take care of her. That he wouldn’t let her come to harm if he could help it. It was a feeling she almost couldn’t describe. She certainly hadn’t come across anyone in her life so far on Gallifrey who had ever stood up for her in any way. It was almost surreal. Offering up a small thankful smile in return, she felt herself almost tear up. Once again her master was proving himself very different than she could ever have expected.

The Doctor stepped ahead then, leading her out into the cool air of the dome. Unexpectedly, raucous cheers and applause greeted them making Rose jump. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the sunlight, but even as they did she had to blink to actually make sure she was seeing things correctly. There were people everywhere! They were lining the street as far down as she could see, presumably to catch a glimpse of her master. She was aware the position he was filling was important, but she hadn’t expected this. 

Beside her, a small gasp escaped the man in question. It seemed he hadn’t expected this either. “Rassilon,” he whispered. “Looks like Lode’s been talking me up,” he commented darkly. 

They all started moving then, walking as a large group through the streets while hundreds...maybe thousands… of Gallifreyans cheered and clapped as they watched them parade by. Her master stood tall as he walked and while he appeared to be trying to look at ease, she could feel the tension rolling off of him as he moved ahead, his eyes now resolutely facing forward. 

Around them the crowds seemed to get even thicker as they closed in on the city centre. From behind them she felt the Commander lean in closer to her master as they walked. “Smile, Lord Doctor. The people are looking to their new vice-president for positivity. I’m sure you want to give them that,” he said in a barely veiled threat.

She felt the Doctor tense further beside her and looking up she found his jaw clenched tightly. 

A cold hand landed on Rose’s shoulder and squeezed tightly making her draw in a startled breath. “I may have been lenient in letting you bask in your delusion that a mere human is your equal, but let’s not forget what a gift you have been given,” the Commander whispered fiercely into her master’s ear. “She is here now because you agreed to our terms, yes? Surely I don’t need to remind you how important your contribution is to this government, do I, Lord Doctor?” he said, watching her master to ensure he understood his meaning. 

Wait. What terms? Why would he agree to something he didn’t want to do for _her_? 

The Doctor drew in a steadying breath in through his nose. After a tense moment he replied, “No.”

“Good,” the Commander quipped. 

Haltingly and mechanically her master lifted his free arm to wave to the crowd. A tight smile adorned his stressed features as he did so.

“That’s better,” the Commander observed, patting Rose firmly on the shoulder in confirmation, making her cringe with each hard press of his hand. Wrapping her arm a bit tighter around her master’s she drew herself closer to him in an effort to draw some courage from him and to offer him her own support, as meager as it was. 

They continued walking, but the Commander’s words niggled at her. What ‘terms’ was he talking about? Could he be talking about him becoming vice-president? But why would her master agree to something he didn’t want to do just to have her as a servant? Then a thought occurred to her. The Castellan had referred to her as the Doctor’s ‘human pet’ and that she’d needed training. The Doctor had mentioned he’d known her before this. She must have already belonged to him. She must have been his personal servant for a while and needed retraining… or at least the Castellan had thought so. That would explain so much. She recalled the Doctor being angry at the Castellan for ‘abducting her’ and training her for months. So he mustn’t have consented to her being retrained. Maybe she’d been his for a long while and he’d grown fond of her as she was? 

It was the last idea that initiated an ache in her head. Why was that? Mentally she backed up. Purposefully she thought… _Before all this he was fond of me._

This time a sharp pain pulsed between her ears making her bring her free hand up to press against her forehead.

“You alright?” her master’s voice issued next to her.

The ache faded after a moment and she opened her eyes to look at his concerned face. “‘M fine. Jus’ was thinkin’. Hurts when I do that sometimes,” she said, by way of explanation.

His brows furrowed and he continued studying her for a moment. Giving him a smile, she squeezed his arm in reassurance. The last thing he needed to worry about right now was her. Her assurances seemed to placate him a bit, but she could still sense his concern as he resumed his acknowledgment of the crowd.

For a minute she considered examining her thoughts further. She was on to something… getting close to a real memory, she was sure. Instead, though, she decided to put them away for now. She needed to be sharp and focused and she really didn’t want to be nursing a headache all through the ceremony.

It was a while still before they finally approached the ornate doors of the Council Chamber. As they neared, two regally dressed Lieutenants moved to open them. 

As much as Rose’s anxiety was decidedly high at the moment, she couldn’t help but be awestruck by the cavernous space that yawned open before her as the council chamber was revealed. It was magnificent. Immediately before them was a large red carpeted platform, and across from it, separated by a seemingly endless chasm ending in sheer blackness below, were hundreds and hundreds of similar platforms. Each seemingly floated in mid-air and supported a handful of Time Lords, all wearing their finest ceremonial garb. The visual effect of the entire thing was stunning.

The Doctor paused for a moment before pushing ahead. This was terribly hard for him, she was realizing. He didn’t want this. Any of it. The tension oozing out of his every pore proved it. He hated this with everything he was and she ached in sympathy for him.

The platform ahead of them was adorned with impressive, elaborately carved plush chairs and in each sat an equally elaborately presented Time Lord. She guessed they were members of the High Council given their impressive headdresses and gold lined robes. Murmurs erupted from them as she and her master neared the podium at the front of the platform making her want to shrink into her master’s side. She was, of course, careful not to make eye contact with any of them as they passed, but could sense their eyes studying her and her master nonetheless. The idea that all these high ranking Time Lords were staring at them was more than unnerving.

A terrifyingly familiar voice whispered from behind them as the Doctor was about to mount the podium. “Your human isn’t to ascend the podium, Doctor.” It was the Castellan.

Fear bolted through her with the sound of his voice and she felt herself freeze. As much as she wished he could truly protect her, she found herself mentally begging her master not to argue with His Lordship. Nothing good would come of it and ultimately it might even end with him being punished somehow.

For one terrifying moment she thought he might actually voice his anger with the situation, but then he patted her hand and gently extricated her arm from his. A trickle of relief spread through her as he let her go. 

Unfortunately it was the Castellan’s cold grip that replaced his comforting touch. “This way,” he told her, his hand tight on her upper arm as he directed her to stand at the side of the platform next to one of the guards. Before he released her arm he purposefully tried to catch her eye… daring her to look at him. She knew better.

A low chuckle emanated from him as he leaned in too close, seemingly strategically placing himself to block her master’s view of her. “Nice to see your lessons have been retained. See that you remember your place, human. Your master may be soft on you, but never forget… I hold your life in my hands. He owns you in name. _I_ own you in all the ways that matter,” he stated, his voice hinting at the pleasure he seemingly took from holding this fact over her, “and I am watching you. Remember that.” As if to punctuate the statement, he slid his fingers slowly down her arm and back up again. 

A sick feeling welled in her stomach as she stared resolutely at his robe covered chest. She wanted to close her eyes and pretend he wasn’t touching her but that would be a mistake and she knew it. 

Thankfully, a familiar voice began speaking, booming through the entire chamber, prompting the Castellan to stop the tortuous movement of his fingers on her skin. “Enjoy the ceremony,” he said, giving her hand a firm squeeze before moving off to find his seat. 

Rose released a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding as he moved away. _I’m watching you_. The terrifying words echoed through her mind and reminded her once again that she should never become complacent. 

With the Castellan finding his seat, Rose tried to concentrate on President Lode’s voice as it continued to fill the massive space. Her words were apparently captivating the audience, if the crowd’s silence was any indication. During the speech, Rose lifted her gaze from the floor in front of her to find her master looking in her direction from his position standing beside the podium where the President was talking. His gaze was dark with suspicion. He must’ve sensed the Castellan had been threatening her somehow. 

Anxious to make sure he didn’t do anything that might cause the Castellan to make good on his threats, she gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. 

He seemed reticent to accept her distant reassurance, but ultimately, stayed where he was, opting instead to keep a suspicious eye on the Castellan, who was now seated in the crowd behind him. 

For a surreal moment it occurred to her that she hadn’t automatically assumed he was angry with her for some reason when she’d found him looking at her. Up until, well… hours ago, it would’ve been her first consideration. Maybe she really _was_ beginning to trust he might have meant what he’d said. He wouldn’t hurt her.

“Lord Doctor, please ascend the podium,” the President’s voice commanded.

The summons gained her and the Doctor’s attention and she watched as he turned to acknowledge the President’s request. Mounting the dias, he approached President Lode and kneeled before her. 

“Lord Doctor,” she said with authority, “It is with the support of the Gallifreyan people and the Council of Time Lords that I pronounce you ‘Vice-President of Gallifrey,’ with all the rights and privileges thereof.” With that, she placed an ornate silver skull cap on him and lowered a brilliantly adorned gold headpiece on his shoulders.

The crowd clapped respectfully. Clearly this lot weren’t as uninhibited as the crowds they’d encountered on their way here.

Her master nodded to the President as a clear sign of deference and approached the podium. This must be the time for the speech the Castellan had given him. The crowd quieted as he arranged a collection of papers on the podium before him and placed both hands on either side of the dias before looking out over the assembled council members. As much as Rose now understood he didn’t want to be there, he looked every bit the distinguished, confident leader as his hard gaze seemingly took in every member of his audience.

“Lords and Ladies of Time,” he began, his baritone voice broadcast throughout the massive space, “Thank-you for your support.” He cast a glance downward at the prepared speech and Rose watched him take a deep breath before he pushed ahead. “This is a tremendous day. It has been a tremendous journey. Not just for me, but for all of Gallifrey. We are at the beginning of a brave new time in the history of Gallifrey and the Time Lords.”

Her master paused then, staring down at the papers before him. The pause soon began to stretch, and she watched as the Doctor stood stiffly on the podium. To her distress, the silence in the incredible space began to crackle with tension as the High Council members sitting behind the Doctor began to shuffle in their seats. From the corner of her eye, she spotted a clear but silent exchange pass between the President and the Castellan. Fear danced through her. Please, Doctor...

Just as she was sure the President was going to step in, her master began to speak.

“This ‘brave new time’, though… it has come at a price,” he said, decidedly turning over the sheets before him so the writing was no longer visible. Rose found herself taking a sharp breath in. He was going to improvise. Once again he pulled himself up to his full height. “You have lived through one of the most terrifying ordeals in the known universe. Innocent Gallifreyans… children and their families… they lived and relived the horrors of the Time War in a way that I am sick over every day. That they had to suffer in order to ultimately escape our enemies hurts me more than you will ever know,” he said bravely.

Rose dared a glance in the Castellan’s direction. The non-verbal conversation between him and the President persisted as they continued to exchange concerned glances. 

“And as the leaders of this planet we have a duty to ensure they didn’t suffer in vain,” the Doctor continued. “We have a responsibility to make sure the errors of the past are not repeated.”

Across the expanse Rose saw a number Time Lords nod in agreement. It seemed he had some support for this idea. 

“This new time… this new government must re-examine what brought about the near destruction of our people and our planet. This is our opportunity to reconsider our place in the bigger picture. To think about how to observe rather than conquer. To work alongside other species rather than lord over them.”

Whispers and murmurs began to rise among the High Council seated behind the Doctor and Rose felt her anxiety hike up yet another notch. They were unhappy with her master’s sentiments, it seemed. 

“I. Saved. This. Planet.” the Doctor emphasized loudly, landing hard on every word as his hard, determined eyes scanned his audience. 

With the insistent words the murmurs quieted, and as they did, her master looked pointedly at the President. “Our esteemed President has made this a known fact on Gallifrey,” he said confidently, nodding his thanks to President Lode. Rose looked over to find the President’s expression unreadable. All eyes were on her.

“And thanks to her, we are ready to begin a new journey… a new time in the history of this incredible culture. I have been selected to be a part of that journey and I will do everything I can to ensure our people rise to the challenge of rebuilding Gallifrey in a way that honours the memory of the fallen and respects the lives of the average Gallifreyan and those species we’ve long thought inferior.”

With that statement Rose felt a hard hand grasp her arm making her squeak in surprise. A bolt of anxiety shot through her. The Castellan pressed up against her from behind making her advance a few steps toward the dias. 

“President Lode’s vision is an extraordinary one. She has seen to it that we will no longer tolerate the idea that Time Lords are to consider themselves Gods. As Time Lords we are an incredibly advanced species who rightfully hold the title of Lords. But we will not be vengeful ones. Our President will take us into the future with careful consideration of other species,” he shared.

With that, he turned and gestured toward Rose. “Her first order of business was to save this woman. A human. And the President did it because she is merciful. You see, this woman had been abandoned… stranded in an alternate universe. President Lode saw to it that she was returned to her home universe safely.” 

Rose’s breath froze in her lungs and she felt the Castellan’s body tense behind hers. What?

“Why this woman, you ask?” he said, addressing the crowd. “She was far from randomly chosen. She was saved because she is the one who inspired me to do what was necessary and as a result this planet was freed from the Time Lock. She’s the person who made me realize I had to continue to put others’ needs before mine and to do what’s right even if it’s the most difficult thing you’ve ever done,” he said significantly, looking directly at her. “Ultimately she was chosen because… I love her.”

Rose’s heart rose into her throat. He… loved her? She was chosen to be his personal servant because he loved her? But...

“And your new President had to start somewhere in demonstrating the mercy of this new regime,” her master continued. “This woman was therefore chosen to be saved because she will represent the newfound mercy of the Time Lords. It was a gesture that sealed my participation in helping this government,” he said, giving Lode a significant look. “President Lode showed mercy and consideration for a so-called ‘lower species’. Her actions proved to me that Time Lords are ready for positive change, and I am confident that we can rise to the challenge. We are far above what we have been in the past. We are merciful saviours, not conquerors.”

Startlingly, applause began in one corner of the chamber and to Rose’s surprise, it rippled through a significant portion of the crowd. Before long, at least a third of the assembled Time Lords were on their feet and most others were still clapping. 

“Come up here, Rose,” he said, gesturing for her to mount the dias with him. 

Fear made her throat constrict. No. She couldn’t. The Castellan’s grip tightened on her arm, so much so that she winced. “Come on, then,” her master said encouragingly with an inviting smile. 

Beside the Doctor she caught the President nod almost imperceptibly in the Castellan’s direction. A quiet curse issued in her ear before his punishing grip loosened and she was nudged forward and away from him. 

Not wasting time second guessing it, she moved forward and onto the raised platform to stand beside her master. Her heart was pounding in her chest as he took her hand in his reassuringly before raising her arm in the air with his while facing the crowd. 

The applause got louder and the Doctor smiled widely. Looking down at her, he widened his eyes and put on an even broader grin. He wanted her to smile as well. Right.

Doing as she was silently instructed, she smiled back up at him. It wasn’t hard to do. He was brilliant. Facing out then, she kept her smile wide as the audience continued to show their appreciation for their new vice-president. 

President Lode mounted the podium again then, an enthusiastic plastic smile put on for those watching. “Lords and Ladies,” she said grandly before turning to face her master, “The Vice-President, Lord Doctor!”

Nodding his acknowledgement and thanks to the crowd, he waved as he was encouraged to step down from the podium after the President. All the while, Rose’s hand stayed safely tucked in his, giving her a measure of courage. This was all off script, she knew, and she was terrified of what might happen as a result of her master’s courageous words. He’d stood up for what he believed in and had tried to make a difference despite what he’d said earlier - that his people were beyond saving. She was so proud. Not that it was her place to be so. Still… she couldn’t help feeling that way. Somewhere deep inside he still had hope for his people. 

Continuing to wave and smile, he and Rose followed the President out of the chamber followed by the Castellan. The continued applause of the thousand or so assembled council members echoed behind them as they strode down the corridor flanked by guards.

Once they’d cleared the doors and moved some distance, Rose heard, “I will see you in my chambers, Lord Doctor.” The President didn’t look back as her authoritative words reached them. Instead she continued purposefully toward the presidential wing of the capitol. “The Castellan will deal with your… ‘inspiration’,” she added.

Rose felt herself tense with the suggestion. 

“She comes with me,” the Doctor said without a hint of fear.

The President stopped in her tracks and whirled around to face her vice-president. “No, Doctor. I’m afraid she is needed elsewhere,” she said darkly, nodding to two of their armed escorts. With that, Rose found herself being forcibly removed from the Doctor’s side.

“You, on the other hand, will come with me,” President Lode said, her eyes shooting daggers at the Doctor. 

“I’ll come with you only if you swear she won’t be harmed,” he demanded. Behind them their fellow council members began emerging from the assembly. “Surely you’d like to have me come peacefully?” the Doctor added, a pleasant smile gracing his lips. He seemed quite sure the President wouldn’t want to make a scene in front of her constituents.

Rose chanced a look at the President. She was practically seething but was obviously trying to do her best to contain her fury. Putting on a tight smile, she nodded to the guards who released Rose’s arms. “She will not be harmed,” she agreed.

Rose’s anxiety decreased slightly but she wondered about the truth of that statement. Her master seemed satisfied with it, though. “Right! Then we should probably chat!” the Doctor said with a bit too much enthusiasm. 

Meandering over to Rose’s side, then, he said quietly “I’ll see you at the reception. I don’t think I’ll be long,” he said with surety. 

People were streaming by now, all making their way to the Great Hall for the celebration after the ceremony. Playing his part, the Doctor said loudly, “Lady President, should we retire to your office?” he suggested as if addressing a long time friend. “I believe we have things to discuss before the reception,” he added.

“Yes, indeed,” she agreed verbally, nodding to acknowledge the various council members passing by.

Giving Rose a reassuring wink, her master spun on the spot and began heading down the long hallway toward the President’s chambers. 

Rose watched him confidently stride away, his robes and cape billowing behind him. He was incredible, she decided. It was beyond her how she could possibly have been so lucky to have somehow known him before all this. If what he’d said was true, she’d been rescued from an alternative universe purposefully to be his. What was more impossible to believe was that he’d chosen her because he loved her. He’d said it in front of a thousand people. Her mind boggled. That meant… if she’d been lost in an alternate universe, he’d probably known her for quite a while before she’d been lost there.

A reminder of why she mustn’t consider such thoughts pulsed through her head in the form of a stabbing pain. Closing her eyes, she willed it to pass.

“Take her for at least eight macrospans. I don’t care where you hold her, but he isn’t to see her again before then.” 

It was the President’s voice. Rose’s eyes flew open to find her turning to walk down the hall in the direction the Doctor had headed. 

Turning her head, she found the Castellan leering down at her. People were still walking by, but she could only see him. He was the predator and she was at his mercy. “Dearest… have you forgotten already?” he said with something akin to warmth as his wrinkled fingers stroked the side of her face. “You’re not to look directly at a Time Lord.”

Horror shot through her when she realized what she’d done. She was looking right at him. 

“Do us a favour and hold on to this until we get where we’re going, will you?” he said smoothly, digging around in his robes for a moment before finding what he was looking for. Holding his hand out, he passed her a little dropper containing an amber liquid. 

Tears sprung to Rose’s eyes. The eye drops. Whatever the President had promised her master, the Castellan clearly hadn’t intended to honour. Her master had angered him and now she would pay the price. She only prayed he wasn’t going to suffer as she was clearly going to.


	11. Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor discovers the improvisation of his speech was less than appreciated. Rose discovers the same.
> 
> (I'm a few chapters ahead now, so I thought, _Meh... why not post another one this week?_ That's why you're being bombarded with another chapter so soon!)

### 

By the time the President strolled into her office after him the Doctor had already found himself a seat and had busied himself studying a lozawood carving of a dog-like animal she’d had placed just so on her desk. 

“Brilliant artwork, this,” he said, holding up the carving. “I had a Lozonian munk carve a likeness of me once. Had a big pair of ears then, though, so the head took a while,” he mused turning over the piece in his hands. 

Suddenly the carving was plucked out of his fingers and placed back on the desk. The President strode around to the other side of it and sat, regarding him with a stern gaze. “You think you’ve managed to achieve something good today,” she said. A statement more than a question.

“I’d hoped to,” he said honestly.

Her lips pursed in annoyance. “I assure you, you haven’t. If anything, what you’ve done is create disquiet. Even you have to know that nothing good will come of it. All our people have right now is the stability of the government and the knowledge that if change is coming, it’s manageable. What you did today… your sentiment will only create a deeper divide between the factions for and against Rassilon’s teachings. Do you want to incite civil unrest, Doctor? Are you looking to start a civil war at a time when our people need to feel safe? At a time when they look to someone… they look to _us_ to establish order?” she said, her voice rising in anger.

Standing in response, the Doctor leveled a glare in her direction. “What I want, Lady President, is to show our people that things have changed in their absence. That the species of the universe have actually flourished without our interference. We are no longer the only beings in the universe worth listening to. We no longer even have the monopoly on time travel, for Rassilon’s sake! We need to find a new place in the larger order of things,” he entreated.

The President stood so she was eye to eye with her second in command. “We are not going over this again, Doctor. Time Lords are superior beings. Cognitively, physically and technologically. Our people need to feel confident that we will once again rise to fill the role we once filled in the cosmos. We were protectors of the universe and as such we rightfully had the final say in all that can be allowed to occur in it. Just as _I_ have the final say, at this very moment, about what will happen to your human should you ever decide to speak out of turn again,” she said evenly. 

The Doctor clenched his fists at his sides. “Surely this isn’t what you want, Sirdara. To have the person you need to trust most only here because you’re blackmailing him. Don’t you want someone by your side who supports your views? I can’t be that person for you. How can I be supportive of a government that is threatening the woman I care for and is continuing to oppress other sentient species,” he reasoned.

“You can and you _will_ , Doctor. I don’t need you to like it. I need you to do as you’re told. You are needed to be the face of fear and appreciation as I pull the dividing factions of the council together under my leadership. And you will do exactly that Doctor,” she said with authority. 

The two of them stood across from each other, bodies tense, neither backing down. Everything inside the Doctor needed to argue. To rant and rail against the ridiculousness that Lode was spouting. And if he were in any other situation he’d have done exactly that. Instead though, he worked hard to suppress his desire to reprimand this insane person across from him. She held Rose’s life in her hands. He only had one choice here and he knew it.

Finally, against everything his gut wanted him to do, he purposely looked off over the President’s shoulder and nodded his agreement. 

The President’s posture became slightly less rigid with his reluctant compliance, but she clearly wasn’t done with him. “Good. Now I’m sure you realize that your rash actions in the council chamber cannot go unrecognized,” she said significantly. 

The Doctor’s eyes flashed immediately back to focus on Lode. “You said you wouldn’t hurt her,” he said, his anger and anxiety suddenly spiking.

“That I did,” she agreed. “I didn’t say, however, that she would remain with you.” 

“What have you done with her,” the Doctor all but growled.

“Uh, uh,” the President tutted in warning. “You’ll need to watch your tone with me, Doctor. I’ve instructed that she be kept elsewhere for a few macrospans, but I can easily lengthen that time for you both or just for her. I hear humans have a rather short shelf-life, am I right? Surely you don’t want to waste what precious time she has left with her locked in a time acceleration chamber? I could easily make it so you get her back five years before the end of her lifespan. That’s not what you want, is it?” she said with mock concern over the idea.

The idea sent horrified chills through him and once again solidified the idea that Lode wasn’t above committing horrendous atrocities. Rose wasn’t safe here… he’d known that, of course… but he’d been reckless in taking such a chance this afternoon. Lode’s words reinforced that for him.

“Is it what you want, Doctor? Your human to spend what little time she has left in limbo?” Lode repeated confidently.

“No,” he replied, the fight now stolen from him.

“I thought not,” she said evenly. “Now. You’ll be escorted to the reception. You are not to talk anymore of interspecies equality. You will be openly supportive of this regime and its mandate of unifying our people in the common goal of reestablishing our rightful place as leaders in the universe. Is that clear?” 

The Doctor nodded, his eyes distant. 

“Good.” With that, Lode pushed a button on her desk to summon her guards. The doors behind the Doctor swished open and two large men entered. “Escort the Vice-President to his reception. I shall be be there shortly,” she said, looking at the men over the Doctor’s shoulder before settling her sights on him again. “I’m looking forward to toasting your new position, Doctor,” she said with a knowing smile.

Deciding not to grace that with an answer, the Doctor allowed himself to be led out of the chamber. Rose wasn’t going to be returned to him for who knows how long and there was nothing he could do about it. The idea terrified more than he could put into thought. 

 

OoOoOoOoOoO

 

Rose lay on the hard cot in the small room, her pained eyes closed against the harsh light streaming down from above. Remnants of chemical induced tears still clung to her cheeks as she lay unmoving, willing the sting behind her eyelids to recede. 

The Castellan had made good on his threat with the drops and had made her use them the moment they were alone. She’d known she wouldn’t escape his wrath the second she’d realized what she’d done. She’d looked directly in his eyes without any awareness she’d even done so. Inwardly she shook her head. What was she thinking? She’d gotten too comfortable with her master… honouring his wish that she look at him. It was amazing how quickly she’d managed to put aside the rule that had been so ingrained only days before. Do not look directly at a Time Lord. 

The Castellan had only had time to oversee the self-administration of her punishment before having to leave. Apparently he was needed elsewhere, he’d apologized with what sounded like a sneer as he guided her to the cot. “It’s nice to hear our encounter yesterday reminded you that silence is golden,” he praised as she choked back the audible sob begging to be released. The burning in her eyes made the feat decidedly difficult.

Now she lay on the cot, probably a full four or five hours later, still waiting for her eyes to fully recover. For the hundredth time in as many minutes she wished her master would come for her before the Castellan returned. If she was lucky, His Lordship would be satisfied with the punishment he’d already doled out, but it was more likely he’d feel the need to reinforce his hold on her despite what the President had said about not harming her. 

Outside her cell she heard movement and with it her heart began pounding in her chest. Despite her fervent wish that it was the Doctor, she knew it wouldn’t be. Her luck couldn’t be that good. 

And she was right. 

The door to her cell whooshed open. Prying her eyelids from her eyes, she found one of the Chancellery Guards standing at the door. At least it wasn’t the Castellan, she thanked God. 

“Get up, human,” the tall male guard instructed. 

Doing as she was told, she stood beside her bed.

“Follow me,” he commanded. Turning, she started walking. Knowing there was no point in even questioning her destination, Rose followed without verbally expressing her inner concern about where they were headed. The President had told the Castellan to keep her apart from her master for at least eight macrospans. She was no mathematician, but she knew that was a decent amount of time. Certainly enough time for the Castellan to torture her a good deal more before returning her to her master. 

Then a terrifying thought occurred to her. What if the Castellan was having her terminated? She clearly hadn’t been a model personal servant so far as far as he could see… what if he was planning to just do her in?

No. That couldn’t be what was going on here. She’d been selected for the Doctor specifically and he was expecting her to be returned. Surely they wouldn’t terminate the vice-president’s personal servant without his knowledge. No… she was probably going to be returned to him. At least, that was her hope.

It was a good twenty minutes of walking through the Capitol before they arrived at their destination. It was a decidedly impressive home with two large torches on either side of double copper coloured metal doors. Rose’s stomach knotted. She had a pretty good idea whose home this was. 

The guard approached the door and sounded the alert that there was a visitor. It was then Rose had a flash of inspiration. _Do it. Go. RUN._

Yes. She should do it. Try to get away. The guard was a large muscular bloke, but she was probably quicker. She might be able to dart around him and get away simply given the surprise factor. He wouldn’t be expecting his submissive captive to try anything. Really, what did she have to lose?

A huge part of her railed against the idea, though. How could she even entertain such thought? She’d tried once before and had been punished beyond her wildest imaginings. Why would this time be any different?

Before she could even consider the idea further the doors before them opened to reveal a young humanoid woman with green-tinged skin, dark hair and pale brown eyes. She wore a shift similar to the ones she’d been given to wear since her arrival here. 

Without ceremony the guard’s hand wrapped even more tightly around Rose’s upper arm to push her past the girl and into the dwelling. 

“See that she gets to the Castellan,” he instructed before backing out the door and closing it behind him. 

Anxiously Rose turned on the spot, warily taking in the home. It was meticulously clean and devoid of personal effects… exactly what she’d imagined the home of the Castellan might be. Haunting music wafted into the room from somewhere deeper in the house.

“I’m Fiwa,” the young woman said quietly, interrupting her visual exploration. “His Lordship has told me to show you to his rooms. Follow me,” the young woman said not unkindly, heading toward the stairs. 

Anxiety flew through her. They were going to his rooms. This was exactly as bad as she’d feared. 

The music Rose heard earlier was louder now and the door they stopped in front of seemed to house it. Turning, Fiwa looked at her with knowing eyes. “His Lordship is ready for you.” 

For a moment Rose considered trying to enlist this girl’s help. If she was the Castellan’s personal servant then she was living a horrid life, Rose was sure. They both knew what was about to happen. Surely she wouldn’t wish the Castellan’s cruelty on anyone else? Or maybe they could both run? 

God. What was she thinking? If this girl was the Castellan’s personal servant then she would never ever even consider the idea of running. No doubt young Fiwa was a much better servant than she was if His Lordship was her master. 

Rose swallowed. There was no getting out of this. She was going to suffer and it was going to be bad this time. She could feel it. 

Stepping to the side, the girl pressed her hand to the panel on the wall to open the door. Casting her eyes down, Rose took a shaky breath, willed back the tears threatening to fall, and stepped forward slowly to enter the room. 

The space was dimly lit and the music she’d heard outside the door was even louder inside. Behind her the door slid shut softly.

“Come closer, human,” the Castellan’s sickly sweet voice found her ears. When her eyes finally adjusting to the darkened room, she made out his form on the bed in the middle of the room. Immediately she cast her eyes downward. 

The sound of shuffling movement found her and she became immediately aware of his increased proximity. In moments he was standing directly before her, his bare feet filling her view. Oh god...

Resolutely she kept her eyes cast downward as his hand moved to cup her chin. Lifting her face so that if she kept her eyes open she’d have no choice but to look at him, she squeezed them tightly shut. He was testing her.

A dark chuckle emanated from the hard body that was now too close to hers. “Lesson learned, I see?” he breathed, his hot breath ghosting against her cheek. “Good. But this time I want you to see me, girl. Open your eyes and look at me,” he crooned.

A pulse of terror pierced her. No. No… she didn’t want to see him. At least with her eyes closed she could pretend it was all a horrible nightmare instead of reality. There was no choice, however. He’d commanded it and she had to obey. 

Opening her eyes, she found his empty blue ones staring into hers. A cruel smirk filled his features. His thumb stroked her cheek as he continued staring into her eyes. 

She so desperately wanted to look away, but she knew it would be an incredible mistake to do so. He was revelling in this… in the fear he surely saw in her eyes. In her awareness about what was going to happen next.

“Who is your master?” he whispered.

Fear encased her. What was the right answer? Swallowing, she tried, “You are.”

Another sick chuckle came from her trainer. “That’s right, my dear. I am. He is your master in title. I am the master of your soul,” he confirmed, his words echoing those he’d used at the inauguration ceremony. “Are you going to forget that?” he demanded.

“No, my lord,” she answered.

“Good,” he praised. “Now. He calls you ‘Rose’, am I right?”

Rose swallowed. “Yes, my lord,” she answered.

“Rooose,” he said, rolling her name around in his mouth. The sound made her nauseous. “You have lost sight of your purpose and your master does nothing to make sure you stay on track. It seems it is my job to ensure you remain true to your training. For that reason I’m going to punish you, Rose,” he said, emphasizing her name. “And as I do, you are going to think of him. Are we clear? You will call his name and beg for him to stop. Do you understand?” he instructed.

This time Rose was unable to keep the tears from falling. “Yes.” 

“Good. Undress.”


	12. Realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aware I've managed to scare away some readers with the angst/psychological violence level of the last chapter. For those of you who’ve decided to stick with it, I promise things are going to start looking up for our babies very soon! Do not despair (too much)!

### 

The Doctor paced the floor in front of the door. Where was she? It had been an entire Gallifreyan day since he’d last laid eyes on her and since then he’d been unable to spare a thought for anything else. The President had assured him she wouldn’t be harmed, and he had to hold on to that promise despite the fear the Castellan had his own agenda when it came to Rose. 

Once again pushing that horrid thought aside, he continued his pacing. He had to believe she was safe because the alternative was unthinkable for him. 

The reception had been long and drawn out, with him making small talk and avoiding and redirecting questions about his speech. It seemed there was clear interest from some over what he’d said and he so dearly wished he could’ve pressed ahead with his agenda for bettering his species’ role in the universe. Unfortunately, though, that had become an impossibility with Rose out of his sight. He had no way to keep her safe at the moment and he wouldn’t put it past the President to make good on her threat of separating them for longer or even wasting years of Rose’s life in an acceleration chamber. So he’d towed the party line as best he could, though mostly he’d managed to avoid the subject of the government agenda altogether. 

Continuing his pacing and worried musing he was startled by the buzzer when it finally sounded. Rose.

Flying to the door, he threw it open to find Rose standing before him. Ignoring the Captain standing immediately behind her and the other guards standing a couple of metres back, he swept her up into his arms and breathed her name. She was back.

Her arms came up cautiously to wrap around him and he thought he felt her body relax against his. 

“Get out,” he instructed the guards, anxious to have her to himself… to find out if they’d harmed her.

Rather than heed his instruction, however, Captain Rula stepped forward. “I will return tomorrow to collect your human’s ceremonial clothing. It is to be worn only on select occasions, on which she will be provided them again,” he said. With that, he turned and left, signalling his lieutenants to follow him. It seemed an unusual custom… hoarding clothing for slaves… but at the moment he had larger worries than to question it.

The door closed and the Doctor pulled back to look into Rose’s eyes. He found them cast downward. Oh Gods.

“Rose?” he tried, dipping to try to catch her eyes.

She actively avoided them. 

“Please… would you look at me?” he said, anxiety flying through him.

Raising her eyes, she looked directly at him. He sucked in a concerned breath. Her lids were puffy and red and the skin around her eyes was raw from rubbing. “Rose… what happened?” he asked, fear and anger warring within him. 

“I… I can’t say,” she replied, casting her eyes back down to the ground in front of her. 

The Castellan. Fury tore through him. He’d scared her or threatened her somehow. He was gonna murder that bloody bastard. Once he figured out a way off this god-forsaken planet he would tear the man apart limb from limb.

Trying to stuff down his anger so as not to scare her further he said, “I need you to tell me. Please, Rose. You have to,” he begged.

The Doctor watched as Rose bit her lip, anxiety sullying her beautiful features. “I’m sorry, my lord. I can’t. I… he… “ she trailed off, tears surfacing.

What had that animal done to her?! “Whatever he threatened you with, Rose… I swear I’ll protect you. But I have to know what happened,” he entreated.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, she rounded on him. “No you won’t,” she challenged. “You can’t protect me!” she said, her eyes surprisingly wild, her hands balled into fists at her side. “You may think I’m yours… that I’m safe because of you, but I’m not. I’ll never be safe again! You can’t stop him! No one can stop him! He’ll keep punishing me no matter who I belong to!” she shouted.

Suddenly her hands flew to her mouth and her eyes widened in surprise and horror. 

The Doctor’s hearts nearly stopped with her words. He’d hurt her. That fucking bastard had harmed his precious girl _again_ , and he’d been unable to stop it from happening. Gods. She was right. She’d trusted him to protect her and he’d let her down. 

“I’m sorry, my lord… I’m sorry,” she repeated before cupping her hands in front of her eyes and releasing a sob.

Surging forward he pulled her into another embrace. “No… don’t apologize. Don’t. This is _not_ on you, Rose. Do you hear me?” he said, stroking her hair. “I should’ve been there. I should’ve protected you,” he said. “If I hadn’t made that bloody speech…” he trailed off.

“No,” she said, pulling back to look up at him. “It was good what you said,” she said, her eyes locked on his now. “You have to change this planet, Doctor. If not you, then who? Please don’t stop doing the right thing,” she pleaded.

He looked sadly at her entreating face. She really meant what she was saying. “I… I can’t. Not anymore,” he said honestly, gently stroking a strand of hair away from her forehead. 

“Why? Your people need you. They need to hear you,” she said, clearly willing him to understand she meant it.

“I can’t, Rose. There’s nothing I can do. If I do anything… say the wrong thing even… they’ll… they’ll...” he trailed off, running his hand through his hair. How could he explain this without putting this on her in any way? “They have something over me, Rose. They know how to make me do anything they want, and they’ll exploit it. I can’t risk taking another chance like I did today,” he explained. “They’ve threatened me… I can’t say how. But if what they threaten comes to pass… it would kill me. And they know it,” he stated. The truth of what he was saying made everything inside him ache. He’d suffered the loss of her twice. He couldn’t do it again. He just couldn’t.

 

OoOoOoOoOoO

 

Rose felt the air grow leaden in her chest. The terms. The terms the Commander had mentioned… him becoming vice-president… him being a puppet for the President… he’d agreed to both of those things, but not willingly. Never willingly. And she knew exactly what they were holding over him. The President had said she was… she was ‘Incentive’. Her words to the Doctor echoed in Rose’s mind;

_”The only value she has is that she is something you want. And she is never going to leave this planet. Now the question is… what are_ you _going to do?”_

But _why_? Why would he choose to stay here and go against what he believed in just for her? He’d known her before this. Before she was somehow lost in an alternative universe. She’d assumed she was his servant then, but…could she have been wrong about that? 

An ache and a niggling anxiety began to assert itself in her head with the thought encouraging her to dismiss the thought. No. She had to explore this. Pushing herself, she searched her memory for a reason… any clue as to why he’d do all this for her. 

_“Rose… I told you. I’m not your lord. And you’re certainly not my servant. You are equal to me in every way.”_

_”You are my equal. No. You are my superior. You are the suns and the moons to me.”_

Oh my god. He’d known her as a… as a friend. Or… could it even have been as even more than that? Her mind reeled and the ache increased as she considered it.

_The one person I care about more than the fate of all the galaxies combined._

_”We have so much to talk about… there’s a lot you need to know. About yourself… about us.”_

Her head began pounding now in earnest with the thought. **_Everything you were before you were chosen is gone and you will not think of it_** , the cruel voice inside her head shouted.

So that was it. She’d been more than an equal to him. She’d been… she’d been _his_.

_“Ultimately she was chosen because… I love her.”_

The consideration of a shared past with him made pain spiral through her head forcing her to shut her eyes.

“Rose? Are you alright?” a worried voice interrupted her thoughts. An arm encircled her. The Doctor. “Rassilon, Rose… you’re shaking,” he noted. “Here,” he said. “Relax. I’m gonna take you to lie down,” he informed her before scooping her up in his arms. 

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, trying to get a grip. This seemed to be a recurring theme with them… she messes up and then passes out then he carries her off. A bit princess-y of her really, she sighed inwardly as she felt herself being heaved up the stairs yet again.

Memories of the terror she’d felt the first time he’d carried her up these stairs echoed through her igniting fresher memories of the more recent encounter with her trainer. “You will call his name and beg for him to stop.” 

A pulse of fear played through her. He was going to hurt her. Take her. 

No! The Doctor had promised not to hurt her. He’d promised. The Castellan had tried to take that away from her… to rob her of any trust she’d started to develop for her master. 

Well, she wasn’t gonna let him win. She trusted the Doctor. He wouldn’t hurt her. He wouldn’t. He loved her. 

_That’s why he stayed here even though he didn’t want to. That’s why he can’t save his planet…_ her own accusing voice reiterated.

“I’m gonna put you to bed, Rose,” the Doctor’s voice said gently in her ear before easing her down onto a soft surface. 

She was so exhausted. After the terror she’d suffered earlier at the Castellan’s hands and now… learning this man… this incredible man… was being held against his will here because of her… it was too much. Her head ached from trying to remember and her eyes burned from hours of crying. All she wanted to do was shut down. She needed to shut out the world and pray this was all a terrible terrible nightmare. 

Sliding her eyes closed, she felt a new tear slide down her cheek before a cool hand gently wiped it away. “I swear to you, Rose. I will do everything in my power to protect you. I haven’t been able to… I’ve been reckless and what you’ve suffered… I will never take a chance like that again. I’m so so sorry,” the Doctor said, his voice tight with emotion as he pulled a blanket up and over her.

His self-recrimination and obvious guilt brought her back to consciousness for a moment. She had to talk to him. He couldn’t give up. Not because of her. “Doctor…” she heard herself croak, her voice cracking. 

“Really, Rose. Please… just relax. I’m sorry I brought it up again. You need to rest. We’ll talk more tomorrow, but tonight you need sleep,” he said, rubbing her back through the blanket. He got up then and began moving to the door. 

No! A thrill of fear shot through her. “Don’t leave me alone… please,” she heard herself say, loud enough to startle him.

“Okay, Rose,” he said, moving quickly back to her side. “It’s alright. I won’t leave if you don’t want me to,” he assured her. Looking around the room, his eyes landed on a chair in the corner. “I”ll just be right here while you sleep, alright?” he said, clearly wanting to make sure he was being comforting in an acceptable way.

“No!” she insisted before checking herself. “I mean… could you please… could you sleep on the bed. With me?” she said, her voice small. She sounded so frightened, she knew… then again, she was. There was no getting away from that. She was terrified. And all she wanted was to feel safe. Even if it was only pretend.

The Doctor stared at her a moment, seemingly considering her request… something warring behind his ancient eyes. For a moment she thought maybe she’d overstepped. Fears of punishment and pain resurfaced despite her conscious mind pushing them back. Before she could even really consider them, though, he was shuking his shoes and socks and climbing in bed beside her. 

Offering to gather her up in his arms, she quickly nestled in, breathing him in. “Thank-you, Doctor,” she said, curling up into his side as he pulled her in to rest his chin in her hair. 

“Shhhh,” he soothed, “Sleep,” he encouraged, one hand stroking her arm while the other kept her close. 

She needed no more encouragement. The pretense of safety was enough for now, even if it was just an illusion. Closing her eyes, she focused on the reassuring feel of his strong arms around her and let sleep take her.


	13. Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts out decidedly dark, but I promise it doesn’t end that way. Things are starting to turn around for our lovelies!
> 
> P.S. - If you want to avoid the rough stuff, skip over the italic portion at the beginning of the chapter. You should still be able to get the gist of the story. I really thought about not including this part of this chapter, but decided I needed it in order to truly contrast Rose’s relationship with the Doctor and to emphasize what’s really at stake for her. It was a tough decision, but I finally decided to go with it. 
> 
> With that in mind - please heed the rating and warnings.

### 

_The white dress pooled on the ground at Rose’s feet and she stood stiffly in frightened anticipation as the Castellan moved in behind her. “Bend over. Elbows on the bed,” he instructed._

_Rose’s heart pounded in her chest but she did her best to close off her mind. This was gonna happen. Again. After she’d been so sure her master was gonna do this and he hadn’t, she naively begun to hope she might never suffer this pain again. It seemed, though, fate had different ideas._

_Rose squeezed her eyes tightly shut and held her breath._

_A stinging slap landed on her hip making her bite her lip. Another followed within a couple of moments. She made no sound though. She knew better._

_Suddenly, she felt his hand fist in her hair before he pulled her head back sharply. A jarring pain shot through her neck making her gasp._

_“Are you thinking of him, Rose?” he said cruelly. “Your ‘Doctor’?”_

_“Yes, my lord,” she croaked, her neck still painfully stretched back._

_“Call for him, then. Beg him to stop,” he demanded before pushing her head forward and delivering a sharp blow to her backside._

_“Stop...Please stop, Doctor,” she said mechanically. It hurt even saying the words. He wouldn’t do this. She trusted he wouldn’t._

_“You need to mean it, human. Say it again,” he directed before landing another hard blow on her butt._

_“Stop! Doctor, please!” she shouted this time._

_Lining himself up, the Castellan pressed the end of his dry cock to her anus. A pulse of fear propelled the words from her this time. “Please stop! Don’t!” she cried, because she could, and she meant it._

_“Who, Rose? Who should stop?!” he demanded, pushing himself against her more insistently but not yet entering._

_“Doctor! Please don’t do this. Please… I’ll do anything,” she begged._

_A low chuckle came from him as he cruelly gripped her hips. “Of course you would. You’re an animal. You act on instinct and your primary purpose is survival. You are good for service and that is all. Am I right?” he said almost gently._

_“Yes, my lord,” she replied, now close to weeping._

_“Yes, who?” he said before delivering a full force slap to the back of her head._

_“Yes, Doctor,” she replied even as her head rung with the blow._

_A buzzer sounded from across the room._

_The Castellan’s rough hand grabbed once again at her hip and she felt him line himself up one more time. She bit her lip, willing herself not to cry._

_The buzzer once again sounded insistently, making the Castellan pull back. A frustrated curse issued from him. “Don’t move,” he barked._

_Rose let out a shaky breath as he moved across the room. “What!” he barked, presumably into a communicator of some sort._

_“I’m sorry, Castellan, but there has been an incident in the Rullot district,” an official voice announced. “The President has requested your immediate attention.”_

_Another Gallifreyan curse issued from her trainer. “Right. I’ll be there shortly,” he said tightly._

_Still bent over, her face against the sheets of his bed, Rose’s gut tightened again. Was he still going to do it? Please no… please..._

_The soft weight of fabric landed on her back. “Get dressed. It seems this is not the time for your lesson. Rest assured, though,_ Rose _... we will conclude this session very soon.”_

_Behind her she heard the rustle of robes as the Castellan dressed. “Captain Rula will escort you back to the vice-president’s home in the morning. You will not mention this. Do you hear me?”_

_“Yes, my lord,” she replied, her voice barely audible._

_“What will happen if you do?” he barked as the rustle of fabric continued to fill her ears._

_“My punishment will be much worse, my lord,” she replied._

_There was no reply. Moments later the door opened and closed again._

_Turning she dared to make sure he was gone. He was. She was alone._

_A flood of tears came hard and fast now as the dam broke and Rose slid to the floor. Covering her head with her hands, she sat and let the fear and anxiety pour from her in a torrent of sobs. This wasn’t over. It would never be over..._

 

OoOoOoOoO

 

Rose shot bolt upright in bed, her heart pounding wildly in her chest as she looked around desperately for her assailant. She was alone and in her own bed. Wet tears trailed into her hair and down her cheeks and she heaved in gasping breaths trying to get her heart to stop racing. A nightmare. No. A memory. Yesterday. 

It had been so close. He’d been so close to hurting her again. And he wasn’t finished with her yet. He’d never be finished with her.

A sob escaped her despite her attempt to gulp it back. The truth of the thought ate a her insides making her panic. For months she’d held on to the hope her new master’s punishments would be preferable to those the Castellan was bringing down on her. That he might show more mercy than he. And she’d been lucky. So much more than lucky… she’d been blessed. This man was so much more than anything she could’ve imagined. He actually cared about her. At first she’d refused to believe it… it was too good to be true. He’d surely show his true colours the minute she stepped over the line. 

But he hadn’t. He’d been patient. And kind and caring. And she’d mistakenly begun to let her guard down. She’d started hoping… and that was a bad thing to do here. Hope ended in nothing but disappointment. 

And now here she was. Yanked cruelly back into a life full of terror. Living her life in fear of when she would be tortured next. 

A click issued from the bedroom door making her instinctively jump. 

“Rose?” the Doctor’s voice said softly before his head peeked through the crack. 

“I’m here. I mean - I’m up,” she said hastily wiping the last of her tears away and gathering the blankets up to her chest. She was still dressed in the gown she’d worn last night, but she felt exposed nonetheless. 

“I, uh… I brought some tea,” her master said, toeing the door open further. In each hand he held a steaming mug. Then his eyes caught hers. “Oh, Rose,” he said, concern filling his voice. 

“‘M fine, Doctor. I just… I had a nightmare,” she said honestly. 

Mugs placed on the night table, the Doctor sat on the edge of the bed, resting his hand on her leg over the blanket. “About yesterday?” he asked. 

How did he know?

Her expression must’ve given him the answer he was looking for, because his mouth pressed into a thin line of frustration. Unlike when she’d first been presented to him, she knew now his anger wasn’t directed at her. He was angry with the Castellan. Oddly, the idea made her warm inside. He wanted to protect her. It was such an incredible idea. Someone in the universe cared enough about her to want to save her pain.

Reaching out, she stroked his cheek. “‘M okay now,” she assured him.

“What did he do to you, Rose. After the ceremony. After he took you? I know he threatened you not to tell me, but please, tell me. I swear to you with everything I am… I will do everything I possibly can to protect you from now on, no matter what,” the Doctor promised, his eyes searching hers. The concern there… the determination… he meant everything he was saying. 

Maybe she should tell him. Despite what he was saying, she knew in her heart he couldn’t protect her, but she knew he believed what he was saying. And she owed him the truth. Even if the Castellan had insisted she keep it to herself, the Doctor deserved to know. Besides, when it came right down to it, the Castellan had every intention of punishing her anyway… what difference would it make if the Doctor knew?

There was, however, another reason she’d been reticent to tell him. If she admitted what was happening to her… how she was continuing to be tortured here… she’d have that much more difficulty convincing him to do the right thing. To make his people understand the true direction they should be heading in.

Finally, she decided she should tell him. As terrified as she’d been yesterday, the Castellan hadn’t actually hurt her much… comparatively. Maybe if she could convince him she was more frightened than actually hurt he might be more likely to continue to convince his people to change.

Clearing her throat she said, “After you left… I, er… I was distracted and… and I know it was no excuse, but I raised my eyes to his,” she said, looking down at her hands. “I was punished,” she admitted, a thrill of fear flying through her even as she said it. She was defying the Castellan. Telling the Doctor what happened was acting against a direct order. It was terrifying, but at the same time a tiny part of her celebrated this small victory over that cruel man.

Raising her eyes to meet the Doctor’s she said more confidently, “He made me put the drops in my eyes and then he left me in a room for a long time,” she continued. 

The Doctor reacted much like she imagined he might. His jaw tensed and his eyes hardened, but he didn’t say anything. Instead he nodded encouragingly for her to continue.

Taking a fortifying breath in, she did just that. “After a long time one of the guards collected me and brought me to the Castellan’s house. I was shown in by one of his personal servants… she looked so scared for me…” she trailed off, recalling the look on the young woman’s face. “Anyhow, I was taken to his room and… and…” she swallowed the emotion building in her throat, “... he told me to undress,” she said tightly, remembering her fear. 

The Doctor’s hand tightened on her leg, seemingly in support. “Go on,” he said, clearly trying to sound encouraging despite his growing anger.

“He didn’t hurt me, Doctor,” she said, purposefully meeting his probing eyes. “He… he just wanted to scare me,” she lied. “I think he just wanted to intimidate me. Maybe so that I’d beg you to stop trying to convince the Time Lords to do the right thing,” she added. “Anyway, he got called away and the guard brought me home,” she said, very purposefully omitting the true nature of the encounter and the threat the Castellan uttered on his way out. 

_We will conclude this session very soon…_

The Doctor seemed tossed between needing to comfort her and needing to storm out of here and confront the Castellan. In the end, he leaned in and gathered her in his arms. “Thank-you for telling me,” he said. Pulling back, he pressed a firm kiss to her forehead. A thread of guilt weaved through her. She’d just lied to him. It was for a good reason though. He needed to continue his crusade no matter what happened to her. His people needed him.

“Doctor,” she said, making herself verbalize her concern, “your people… they need you. They looked like they were really considering your ideas during your speech. You can’t stop trying to make things better,” she entreated.

Pulling back and pinching the bridge of his nose the Doctor sighed. “It’s not that easy, Rose. I wish it was, but there’s too much at stake. Right now I’m at their mercy,” he said, his eyes clouded over in thought.

“But Doctor, I know…”

Just then a buzzer sounded through the house. 

Patting her leg, he stood. “I should get that,” the Doctor said, moving to the door. “Come downstairs if you’re up to it. I make a mean piece of toast,” he smiled before clicking the door closed behind him.

 

OoOoOoOoOoO

 

The Doctor opened the front door to find Captain Rula standing across from him. 

“Good morning, Doctor,” the Captain said. “I’ve come to collect Rose’s dress,” he stated.

He was calling her Rose now? Well that was an improvement over ‘your human’. The Doctor stepped back to allow the man to enter. “Right. Wait here, I’ll get it,” the Doctor said abruptly. The Captain might have used her proper name, but it hardly entitled him to courtesy. 

As he passed, the Doctor heard noises coming from the kitchen. It sounded like Rose had decided she’d had enough of his toast and was going to make herself a proper meal. He couldn’t blame her.

Having mounted the stairs, the Doctor found himself in Rose’s room casting about for the dress she’d worn to the ceremony. He found it draped delicately over the chair in the corner of her room. As much as he’d hated the reason for the need to wear the gown, Rose had honestly looked incredible in it. Then again, she looked incredible in anything. 

Picking it up, he draped it over his arm and was about to leave the room when something on the bodice caught his eye. The beadwork. It was… was that…?

Holding the dress up so the sunlight from the window caught the intricate beading, the Doctor hissed in a surprised breath. It was writing. Gallifreyan writing embedded in the swirling pattern the shining beads were sewn in. 

Mando province. Troligan centre, service bay 10. 

Rassilon. Was this what he thought it was? But who… 

Rula. It had to be Captain Rula.

Darting back downstairs with the dress firmly in hand, the Doctor flew back to the door. “Is this what you wanted me to get for you?” the Doctor said, locking eyes with the young looking man. 

“Yes, thank-you, Vice-President,” he said, his eyes drifting up significantly to the ceiling for barely a moment. Despite the brevity of the gesture, the message was clear. They were being watched. The Doctor had suspected as much. 

“I’ve also been instructed to let you know are being summoned to attend a rally in Upia province. The rally is in a days time, but you might wish to extend your visit by a couple of days so you can meet with the council members there afterward. I’m told they are looking forward to getting your input regarding intercommunity relations there,” he said significantly. 

The Doctor’s mind raced. Upia province. It was only two provinces away from Mando. They’d let him take his TARDIS to Upia, knowing, of course, that he wouldn’t leave the planet for Rose’s sake, but he wouldn’t be able to take his TARDIS to Mando from Upia. They would be watching for any suspicious movement of his ship. Then there was the problem of getting caught. He might be able to disarm the device, but the minute it ceased to work, the implants in the slaves across the planet would stop transmitting and their beacons. The pulsing blue lights just under the skin of all the ‘personal servants’ would go out. It would only be a short time after that that it would be noticed. 

“You’ll be provided a speech for the occasion. The council members are anxious to meet you,” the Captain said, interrupting his racing thoughts as he reached out to take the garment from him. 

The council members. Allies, in other words. So Rula wasn’t working alone on his behalf. The comment cemented the thought he’d been nursing since seeing the words in the beading upstairs. After all, wasn’t like Chancellery Guard training involved a course entitled ‘Intricate Beading 101’, and a guard’s personal schedule rarely left much time for hobbies. And now he was all but confirming there were others involved in this endeavour to free him and help him rescue the woman he loved. The fact that he wasn’t alone in wanting to stand by his convictions about freeing enslaved species was making him rethink the hopelessness of the situation. There was a possibility they might just be ready to save after all.

Passing the Captain the dress, the Doctor found a note being passed to him surreptitiously as the fabric slid from his hands. 

“Thank-you, Captain,” the Doctor said, making sure to catch the man’s eyes. He meant it.

Rula nodded his acknowledgement before turning and leaving. 

Shutting the door, the Doctor quickly slid the note in his pocket. Rula had been careful to make sure the paper wasn’t seen during the exchange. He’d look at it later when any surveillance might not equate him reading it to the Captain’s visit.

Standing at the door for a moment, he let the interaction really sink in. If this exchange was about what he assumed it was, and he was 99.65% sure it was, then there was a very real chance he was going to be able to save Rose. With Captain Rula’s help and the help of his accomplices, he was going to get her off this forsaken planet in one glorious piece. Hope actually bloomed in him then for the first time since the inauguration and instead of quashing it, he let himself revel in it. He could bloody kiss the Captain. In fact, he just might. It wouldn’t be the first Captain he’d kissed.


	14. Reliving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a whole week since I last posted because this week’s writing output was sadly lacking! Still… this chapter is ready and eager to be posted, so on with the show!
> 
> This chapter is definitely rated M, but mostly for 'good' reasons ;). A decidedly lighter tone is beginning to form now, but our heroes are definitely not out of the woods yet!

### 

Rose was just finishing up putting out breakfast when the Doctor came bouncing into the kitchen. 

“I made breakfast… I thought you might like some real food,” she said with a smile. 

“Oh - that’s lovely! Thank-you, Rose. Saves me from eating toast yet again,” he added with a grin. Pulling out one of the high chairs at the breakfast bar he plunked himself down before one of the brimming plates she’d put out. Picking up a fork, he dug in with gusto. 

“You seem happy,” Rose observed, pleased to see an expression other than sadness on his handsome face, though honestly wondering if something had happened at the door she should know about. 

“Weeellll… I should be, really, shouldn’t I? I mean, look at this! I’ve got a brilliant breakfast set for me, I spy a mug of steaming tea on the counter,” he quipped as he stood and swung around behind her to scoop up said mug in his hands, “and I’m in the same room as the most wonderful woman in the universe!” he said, planting a solid kiss on her cheek before settling himself down on the chair again to grab up a section of poundfruit and shove it in his mouth. 

Despite her growing wonder at his behaviour, she couldn’t help but let loose a little giggle. His enthusiasm was infectious. “Doctor, what’s going on? Who was that at the door?” she asked, hearing the grin in her voice.

“No one of import, my lady,” he said with a full mouth. Swallowing, he elaborated, “Just a messenger. I’ve been called to a rally in Upia province. Apparently there’s a history of political unrest there and the community leaders requested my presence as the voice of reason,” he explained before taking a bite of the yulot egg she’d prepared for him. 

Rose felt her brows furrow. Okay. So… they were going on a trip? Is that why he was in such good spirits? It didn’t make much sense. Still… she wasn’t going to question his good mood. It was a welcome change to the pall they’d both been living under since she’d been given to him. 

“So, I guess I should pack a bag, then. When are we leaving?” she asked, wiping her hands on a towel before coming around the island to sit beside him. 

“Oh. Uh… I should’ve said right away… I have to go on my own for this one,” he said, his expression sheepish. 

Rose’s face must’ve betrayed her surprise. He was going to leave her here alone?

“It’s just going to be a quick trip. A couple of days,” he said quickly. “You’ll be safe. I’ve made sure of it,” he promised. “The Castellan is away dealing with an issue in Rullot. He won’t be back for days yet.”

Rose felt the tension in her chest release a bit. “But… what about you? I might be able to help you there?” she tried, aware how silly it sounded. She knew she would likely be of no help to him at all, seeing as she was almost completely knowledgeless about the political goings on on this planet. Or any planet, for that matter.

A look of affection tinged with guilt crossed his features. Reaching out, he cupped her cheek. Leaning into his hand, she closed her eyes, soaking in the comfort he was offering. She hated this idea. She didn’t want to be alone.

“I’m sorry, Rose. I know it must sound like an empty promise, but I swear - you’re safer here than with me. And I… I have a lot I have to get done there. I have to do this alone,” he said, clearly willing her to understand. 

She had her doubts about her safety, but she didn’t doubt he’d get more done without her there. The last thing he needed was to have to worry about her the whole time. And if the Castellan wasn’t a threat… maybe she’d be alright without him.

Reluctantly, she nodded her understanding. She’d just have to be brave.

“Thank-you for understanding, Rose,” he said, pulling her close and kissing her tenderly on the cheek before leaning his forehead against hers. “I wouldn’t leave if I didn’t think you’d be safe. You know that, right?” he said softly.

“Yeah,” she said.

Neither of them moved. The feel of his warm breath mingling with hers made a field of butterflies take flight in her stomach. For a moment she wondered if he might close the distance between them, but all too soon he was pulling away from her. 

“I, uh… I should probably be going,” he said, tugging his ear awkwardly, his voice slightly breathy. He wasn’t unaffected either. The thought made a sort of want pool low in her belly.

“Alright,” she agreed, sounding a bit husky herself. Clearing her throat a bit self consciously she added, “Can I get you anything? Do you want me to pack a bag for you?”

“What? Oh. No, it’s all done,” he smiled, patting his pocket. “Bigger on the inside,” he explained. 

Right. She’d seen the Castellan pull things out of his pockets and she truly couldn’t understand how he’d hidden them. Now it made sense. “Oh, right,” she replied. 

Following him to the front door, he turned before opening it. “I’ll be back before you know it,” he assured her. 

“Okay,” she replied, hearing the worry in her voice.

“Oi. I promise, yeah?” he said, moving closer and looking directly down into her eyes. “Three days at the very most. In the meantime, stay in the house, alright? I’ve asked Captain Rula to make sure you get any supplies you need, so just ask him if you run out of anything,” he instructed. 

“Alright,” she agreed, warily, wondering why she’d trust any of the guards to do anything kind for her.

Giving her an affectionate smile, he turned and opened the door. 

He was really leaving. God. She really didn’t want him to go. “Doctor,” she called just as he exited the house. 

He was almost knocked off balance by the force of her body as she flew at him, wrapping her arms around him tightly. “I… I’ll miss you,” she said, her voice muffled by the sleeve of his coat, not saying what she was really thinking. _Don’t go. I can’t be alone here. He’ll come for me. I know he will._

Strong arms wrapped around her in response. “I’ll miss you too,” he replied, pressing his cheek to the top of her head. 

They stood like that for a while before she reluctantly let him go. He had to leave. She needed to be brave… at least in front of him so he didn’t worry. “Be careful,” she said, pulling back. 

“I will. I’ll be back soon,” he reassured her.

“I’ll be waitin’,” she promised, forcing herself to smile confidently for him.

Giving her one last warm smile, he turned and walked toward the street where he was met by Captain Rula who escorted him away. She watched him until she could no longer see him in the distance. He was gone. She was alone.

 

OoOoOoOoO

 

His TARDIS stood among its fellows, but it couldn’t possibly have looked any more out of place. Her siblings, all newer designs, sat proudly in their neutral, column-like forms waiting to be called into service by their Time Lords, but his incredible ship, with its peeling paint and dirty windows, was much more impressive in his eyes. His ship had personality. Not to mention she had experiences that none of these other unfortunate sentient ships could ever dream of having. 

“Here’s your speech, my lord,” Rula said, passing the Doctor an envelope, jarring him from his musings. Unlike the last time the Doctor was given a speech to recite, he accepted the offering with a sense of excitement. Not because of the content, which would surely be pro-government rhetoric, but because it was so far from the point of this trip that it truly didn’t matter. By the end of this journey he would be able to rescue Rose from this planet without fear she’d be executed the moment they entered the vortex. 

“I’ve been told that those who are meeting you will make sure you’re provided what you need to make your meeting with the council members successful,” he said. Once again, the simple words contained much more information than anyone else would glean.

“Thank-you, Captain,” the Doctor said, trying to fill his voice with emphasized sincerity. He already owed this man for coordinating his role in this rally and for passing him the coordinates for the security pin device through the beading on Rose’s dress. In addition, the note that he’d so eloquently passed him had been chalk full of vital information about where he’d meet the Captain’s contacts and what he would need to bring with him to disarm the device. Apparently there were a number of Time Lords who believed, like him, that he was being treated unfairly and that something needed to be done about the current regime’s mistreatment of other species. Right now he was silently thanking each and every one of them for their conviction and courage. He knew they were acting in spite of their government and were very possibly putting themselves in harm’s way by doing so. In the end, he would owe this man and all those involved in this rescue for both his life and Rose’s if this worked out.

The Captain nodded his acknowledgment. “Have a safe journey, Vice-President,” he said formally before striding away to leave the Doctor standing alone with his TARDIS. 

With the room quiet, the Doctor turned to his beloved ship and pushed the doors open. Stepping inside, he allowed her emphatic telepathic welcome to wash over him. It was a comfort that he cherished and she seemed to know it. “Hello, old girl,” he said, patting one of the beams on his way up to the console. A happy hum issued in his head. She was clearly pleased to have him back. 

“We’ve got quite the journey ahead,” he warned her, setting the coordinates for Upia. “But it’s the one we’re going to make after this is over that I’ll really need your help with,” he added as an afterthought. The TARDIS play a concerned pulse through his mind. She could sense his stress. “It’s alright. We’re gonna make it alright,” he promised both her and himself. They had to. 

 

OoOoOoOoO

 

Rose wandered the house for the umpteenth time today, picking up this and examining that. She’d tried to distract herself for a while by watching the media viewer, but quickly tired of the content. It seemed Gallifreyans weren’t big on entertainment for entertainment’s sake. All the shows centred around clinical, mathematical, or theoretical problem solving that was so far beyond Rose’s level of understanding it made her brain ache. Even Gallifreyan children’s shows focused on base calculation learning and what she assumed were supposed to be easy physics equations. Basic or not, they were still above her processing abilities.

Eventually she’d turned off the viewer and began her exploration of the home. There was nothing of particular interest, though the artwork held possibility for real consideration. Much of its subject matter was related to architecture and a good deal of it was wrapped in complex colours with variations in textures that could be felt with the fingers more than seen with the eye. She had to admit that for a race that could be so cruel, they certainly were able to create things of beauty. 

After a couple of hours she’d pretty much exhausted her interest in the available Gallfreyan art and realized there was little left in the home worth committing mental resources to. Unfortunately, that gave her mind the freedom to focus on her worries for the Doctor and her anxiety about being alone. 

She stewed about both subjects for a while before deciding to go out into the back garden. She hadn’t spent any real time outdoors since she’d been offered to her… to the Doctor… and it gave her another way to pass the time.

Stepping out onto stone patio, she selected one of the plush chaise lounge chairs and lay back in it. The patio overlooked the garden and beyond lay a stunning view of the mountains. The suns were both starting to set now and the colours that reflected off the shiny rocks and silver leaves of the trees gracing the sides of the slopes made her nearly hiss a breath in. It was… breathtaking. The Doctor had been right. She wished he was here now to see it with her.

The thought made her cast her thoughts back to this morning when he entered the kitchen. His completely entrancing face, lit with the brilliant smile he’d graced it with, filled her thoughts. God he was gorgeous. And fit. 

Seeing as he wasn’t here now, and she had no one to answer to at the moment, she indulgently allowed herself to really examine the image she had of him in her mind. Closing her eyes, she pictured him standing before her, his smile as bright as it had been this morning.

First off, she had to admit the man had great hair. Thick and inviting, she wished she could run her fingers through it right now. Maybe… maybe as he kissed her. 

A pool of arousal sloshed low in her belly with the thought. Normally, she’d quickly push the thought aside in favour of something less dangerous, but right now… Hmmm.

Opening her eyes, she looked all around. There were no cameras she could see out here and certainly no other homes had a view of the patio. There was no one here to worry about pleasing other than herself. 

The very idea of being intimate with anyone had so far been couched only in fear, embarrassment and pain. It was only when… when she got close with him… with the Doctor… that it even occurred to her it could be more than that. For some reason, now seemed a good time to try to find some peace with the idea. She wanted to be with him. _Entirely_ with him… if he’d have her someday. But she first wanted… no, _needed_... to imagine what it might be like to have a pleasant experience. Because when it happened, she honestly (perhaps naively) thought it could be a truly enjoyable encounter. All she could recall experiencing, as far as being ‘intimate’ goes, happened with a man she felt pure fear for. Then, when the Doctor happened, and she’d kissed him… it was like something clicked. Somehow she just _knew_ this was how she was supposed to feel when giving herself to someone. Granted, they’d only snogged, but the idea was the same. The rest of it… it was wrong for the Castellan to own it. 

A niggle of fear filtered through her with the thought, but it seemed to ring true for her on a level she barely recalled herself having. It was… wrong for him to rob her of what she just _knew_ should be a pleasant, if not even satisfying and maybe even sacred, experience. 

The boldness of the idea made her pause. She’d had bold thoughts like this when she’d first arrived here. She didn’t remember much about those days, but she did know that she’d had spirit. The Castellan had called it ‘impudence’ and had done his best to beat it out of her. When she’d even hint at the idea that she deserved anything but pain, the Castellan forcefully reminded her of her place. But here… here in the Doctor’s home… here she could think and maybe even _say_ such things. Because of him. He hadn’t punished her. Not once. He’d actually done the exact opposite. He’d honoured her. He’d tried to protect her. He… he _respected_ her. The idea was insane. A Time Lord respecting a mere human. But he did. And she felt empowered by it. 

Emboldened by the thought, she lay back a bit more comfortably and decided to throw caution to the wind. She deserved to have positive thoughts. There would be no punishment. No pain. No one would know but her. 

Closing her eyes, she allowed herself to return to her inner vision. Right… where was she? Oh yeah. Snogging. Sighing, she pictured the Doctor’s forehead pressing against hers like he’d done earlier. She’d hoped he might lean in closer. Cover her lips with his. He hadn’t. In her mind, though… in her mind, he did. Closing in, his pouty bottom lip would caress hers, maybe sucking lightly on it before she’d reciprocate and do the same to his. 

The vision created a ripple of arousal through her, prompting the vision to evolve into closer contact between them. In her mind’s eye his lean body closed in on hers, pressing against her as his mouth pushed insistent kisses down her neck. 

No. This was… wrong somehow. Immediately she knew why. They had clothes on. Unbidden, a thrill of excitement flew through her with the thought of thinking otherwise.

Rewinding, she replayed the scenario in her head, but this time as he kissed her, his hands trailed down to pull the hem of her flimsy shift up. Goosebumps rose as his cool fingers moved over her skin as he dragged the fabric up and and off of her. 

In her mind he stopped at that moment and looked at her. Not as he’d looked at her the other night… with horror and guilt, though. This time he looked at her with reverence. Adoration. “Rose… you’re perfect,” he said, his voice clear as if he were standing before her in real life.

“Kiss me?” she asked, needing to be touched. Needing to feel adored rather than reviled.

“Always,” he answered, moving in again. His mouth swallowed her fears with its reverent kisses and soft presses. Between them then he began to unbutton his shirt. “I want to feel you against me,” he intoned, pulling his shirt from his shoulders to drop it on the floor next to her shift. 

An oddly familiar pleasant ache began building between her legs as his bare chest pressed against hers. His hands began playing up and down her sides restlessly until one finally moved to cover her breast. “This okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she breathed. “Touch me, please, Doctor,” she said, her voice sounding more wanting and needy than she imagined it would. 

His hand more firmly squeezed her, enough to so she felt cherished and revelled in but not frightened. Outside her mind she felt the reality of the hand as her own covered her breast to squeeze lightly. 

“Want you,” the Doctor breathed in her ear when his lips left hers. 

“Yes… please,” she answered back, knowing she wanted him just as badly as he seemed to want her.

Taking charge, the Doctor swept in and captured her lips yet again, but this time he began walking her backward. After a few steps she felt the soft edge of her bed on the backs of her legs. 

Disconnecting lips only long enough for her to scoot back on the fluffy duvet, the Doctor soon joined her to cover her body with his. His hardness pressed into her thigh making her ache even more markedly down there… where she suddenly felt… wet. 

For the briefest moment the feeling alarmed her. Wet. Wait. That was… that was good. Something in her… some instinct… told her it was alright. Normal. 

God… how could she have forgotten that?

The idea quickly flew from her head though as her imagination once again took hold and insisted she rejoin the fantasy. 

“You’re wet because you want me,” the Doctor explained in her mind, his pupils large and his eyes hooded, “... as much as I want you.”

That did it. Slamming her mouth to his, she gave up on trying to move this slowly in her mind. She wanted to really move this along. 

Instead of soft and gentle touches now, the Doctor’s hands played over her body more insistently. The fevered kisses that met hers quickly moved down her neck were complemented by the firm caresses of his hands along her sides and the feel of his soft, slightly cooler skin under the pads of her fingers and under the scratch of her nails. 

A gasped sigh escaped her as his lips found the top of her breast and her name escaped him. “Rose… gods, Rose… you’re beautiful,” he breathed before latching greedily onto the firm peak beneath his mouth. 

With the wet nearly overwhelming contact she let a loud moan escape her without censure, bringing with it the ghost of soreness in her head.

The noise seemed to spur him on and he slid himself down her body to lick along the top of her knickers while pulling one of her legs aside to give himself better access. Before she could even imagine what he was doing, he pulled aside the sodden fabric between her legs and dipped his tongue into her wet centre. 

“Jesus!” she shouted as her hips bucked up off the bed. Holy shit! How the hell had she even come up with this idea?! The suggestion of discomfort she’d felt earlier in her mind increased now to a dull ache.

A deep chuckle rumbled from the man nestled in her most intimate place. “Close enough.”

Part of her was savvy enough to recognize the fact she should maybe examine the possible origin of the incredible sensation she just experienced. Instead, though, she did what her body insisted she do. She slid her fingers under the band of her knickers and circled them over her sensitive clit, as her mind fixated on and revelled in the feel of his mouth on her. 

The swipe of his tongue along her sex followed closely by the sensation of a digit being inserted in its wake was her immediate reward for her renewed focus. A groan escaped her with the welcome curl of his finger inside her, and that was quickly followed by a squeak of pleasure as his tongue swirled with some pressure where she wanted it most. 

“That’s it, Rose. Oh, gods… you’re exquisite,” he said, replacing his tongue with the pad of his thumb to stroke her firm bud. “That’s it. You’re so close, Rose,” he observed. 

The words were truth, and hearing them threw her over the edge emphasized by an emphatic ejection of his name from her lips. “Doctor!”

Looking up at her with a purely joyous, mischievous grin, his mouth shining with her arousal, he asked, “Are you sure you don’t mean… John?” 

With that, a slice of pain tore into her mind and her existence became wrapped in agony.


	15. Summons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A mid-week treat with a bit of a surprise appearance from an old friend.

### 

“Not bad! Only ten minutes off,” the Doctor said aloud. “Pretty good, seeing as how you’ve been grounded for a bit,” he added for the TARDIS’s benefit. 

His ship rewarded him with a push of annoyance with the spoken thought, flashing him a vision of the coordinates indicating the actual time he’d programmed in. Exactly ten minutes off.

Ignoring the visual comment, he strode down the ramp and threw open the doors to meet his Upian welcoming party. 

A few feet away stood three Time Lords. Captain Rula hadn’t supplied the names of the individuals he was to meet with, just in case his communication should be intercepted, but to his great surprise, one was an middle aged female Time Lord who seemed very familiar. It took him a moment before he finally recognized her. The woman clearly saw the recognition in his eyes and immediately gave him a warning look. Don’t.

Heeding her warning, he looked over the other two individuals she’d come with. The bloke beside her introduced himself first. “Welcome, Vice-President,” he cooed silkily, stepping forward. “I’m the Coordinator, this is Lady Romana, and this is Lord Coach,” he supplied. Then, giving the Doctor a knowing smile he added, “You may recognize Lady Romana as our esteemed President Historic. She won’t let me introduce her that way, but I still manage to make sure our guests know that Her Ladyship should be given the deference she deserves,” he said in mock conspiracy. 

Rolling her eyes, Romana warned, “Coordinator…”

“Sorry, my lady,” he said, obviously not.

“We’re so pleased to have you here to address our people, Vice-President,” Romana said. “It’s been a very precarious balance trying to placate the differing factions here, and we’re grateful to have your support,” she added. 

“The pleasure is all mine, my lady,” the Doctor replied formally, sure he was unable to keep an affectionate look from playing over his face. It was like a breath of fresh air, seeing her here. 

Clearing his throat, the other male Time Lord, moving obviously closer to his ex-companion added, “Lady Romana and I have the honour of orienting you to the region, my lord. We’ve arranged for you to stay with us so you can settle in and we can brief you on the goings-on here.” The implication and the slightly possessive show was not lost on him. They were together. 

“Well, that would be lovely,” the Doctor replied with a brilliant grin. Then, producing a gaping yawn, he smacked his lips together exaggeratedly. “Well, I’m knackered. A soft bed would be welcome right about now,” he added. They stood there for a moment before he said, “Well? Shall we?”

“Now?” the Coordinator asked, clearly surprised by the idea. It was dark outside, as the suns had all but set, but it was still relatively early in the evening. “But surely you want to dine first? I’ve had a meal prepared,” he asked, sounding a bit put out.

Looking between Romana and her rather tall, dashing ‘Coach’ sidekick, he crinkled his features up a bit as if in thought, “Weeeellll, I’m a bit shattered, honestly. And I’m needing to be preparing for my speech tomorrow. Gotta sway the minds of the common folk and all that,” he explained with a rather manic smile to the Coordinator. What sort of name was that, anyway. For heaven’s sake… could he not think of anything more exciting? Then again, maybe that’s about as exciting as the man got.

Romana shot him a rather withering look. What? Was he being rude?

Oh. Yes. Probably. “I’m, uh… sorry if I’m spoiling your dinner plans, Coordinator. I’m just anxious to get a good kip in so I can make sure to get a good early start. I need to make sure I can really make a difference here. At the rally tomorrow,” he clarified.

The Coordinator still seemed put out, but looked a bit placated by the Doctor’s attempted apology. “Yes, well, you’re certainly dedicated to your office, Vice-President,” he replied. 

“Yup! That’s me, ‘Mr. Dedication’!” the Doctor said with renewed gusto. “Now. We’ll be off!” he said enthusiastically, striding away from his TARDIS and toward the nearest street.

“My TARDIS is this way, Vice-President,” Romana said, gesturing in the opposite direction to where he’d been heading.

“Right. Thank-you… er, Romana, is it?” 

Romana’s lips quirked up. If she could’ve rolled her eyes without being noticed she surely would have. “Yes, _Vice-President_ ,” she emphasized.

“Brilliant! Lead the way, my dear Lady!” he grinned.

Nodding, she smiled back and they made their way toward her transport, leaving the kerfuffled Coordinator behind them. 

 

OoOoOoOoO

 

Rose woke to a cool draft and a decided ache in her head. Reaching to pull her blanket up to further cover her she found she wasn’t under one. Squeezing open an eye, she was surprised to find she was on the patio of her master’s home, lying in a lounge chair. The orange light of the rising suns was just now hitting the level of her body. That’s what must’ve woken her. 

Lord. Must’ve been some party, her mind supplied. She wasn’t sure what that meant, exactly, except that it pertained to waking up feeling poorly. And she definitely felt like crap. No question. 

Bringing her hand up, she stroked her forehead. What had she been doing last night? Thinking back, she recalled coming out here and laying back on the chaise lounge. She remembered… oh. She felt her cheeks flush with the memory. She’d been, er… thinking. About the Doctor. Right. But what happened then?

Trying to remember, she recalled the heatedness of the fantasy she’d been indulging in. The, uh… activities… she’d imagined had been so, sooooo… 

The ache she’d been coming down from began building in her head again with the relived memories of her fantasy. Wait. They weren’t mere fantasy then? These headaches… they happened when she was… holy crap. Somehow… somehow she’d been _remembering_.

That thought made the pain spike for a moment. Dear god. She had _lived_ that? With… she swallowed, feeling a rising arousal build in her as she recalled the fantasy (No. Not fantasy. _Memory_ )… with the Doctor. 

She clasped at the sides of her head as the thought triggered another searing shot to her head. 

Right. Stop thinking about it. For now. Stop. She couldn’t recall how the fantasy ended, but this wasn’t the time to remember. If she kept this up, she’d pass out again. No. She had to think of something else. Think of… the mountain. The silver leaves. The multicoloured sky complementing the shimmering of the trees. 

Slowly the pain receded. Unclasping her hands from her head, she took in a deep, relaxing breath, willing her tense muscles to relax. Let it go. Let the pain go…

Opening her eyes again, she tried to focus on the view before her. Even in the morning the mountains were beautiful. Oh how she wished the Doctor was here, holding her as they looked at them together.

After a few more minutes of trying to let the vision before her lull her into relaxation, the pain in her head finally receded so that it was back to being a dull ache.

Well, that was a relief. Now what? 

Maybe she should eat something. She felt a bit nauseous and it seemed to her food might help. Standing on shaky legs, she made her way to the kitchen, trying to decide what she could stomach right at the moment. 

She’d just opened the cupboard to peruse the offerings when the door buzzed. A knot of dread formed in her stomach. The Doctor had assured her that the Castellan was out of the vicinity, but His Lordship was rarely one to keep his word. What if this was him? What if he’d come back early knowing the Doctor was away?

Stealing herself, she padded quietly to the door and listened for a moment. Nothing. Fear creeped through her. Swallowing, she considered simply not answering, but she knew without even really considering it that that would be a mistake. No… she had to answer it. There was nothing for it. 

Tapping the panel to the right of the door rather than fully pressing her hand to it, it slid open only part-way; just enough to give her a view of her visitor. On the other side stood Captain Rula. “Good morning, Rose,” he said, startling her with the use of her name. Looking behind him, she noted he was alone. Uh oh. 

Immediately casting her eyes down, she replied, “Good morning, Captain. Can I help you?” She held the door frame tightly, desperately hoping her suspicions for the purpose his visit were wrong. He was either here to hurt her or to give her bad news about her master.

“I’m afraid I have to ask you to come with me,” he said, sounding surprisingly apologetic. “The President has requested your presence in her chambers,” he explained.

The President? Her stomach tightened in anxiety. There was definitely nothing good about this news. What could she possibly want with her? Instead of asking that, though, she simply replied, “Yes, my lord.” Then, against her better judgment, she pressed her hand fully to the panel and the door slid open the rest of the way. “Would you care to enter?” she asked, as required.

“Thank-you,” he replied, stepping in past her. 

Standing awkwardly before him, she waited for him to let her know his wishes. With her master not here she was bound to follow the commands of the highest ranking Time Lord present. 

The Captain watched her stand there for a moment before he obviously realized what she was waiting for. “Oh, I’m sorry… go ahead and get ready. I’ll just wait here while you shower and dress,” he said, clearly uncomfortable directing her in this manner.

“Yes, my lord,” she replied, moving quickly to do as he’d instructed. 

Once upstairs she hurriedly turned the shower on, shucked off yesterday’s shift, and moved to stand under the warm spray of water. What could the President possibly want with her? The fear she’d been nursing since the door buzzed now spread through her like a virulent virus. What if the Castellan was back and he requested her to be his? Was the President giving her to him? Or someone else, maybe? No. Surely not. Why would she do that? No… this was about something else. Maybe it had something to do with the Doctor? 

A thousand scenarios played in her mind while she scrubbed herself down and washed her hair. Climbing out of the shower, she found herself a clean shift and robe and donned both. Well… whatever this was about, she was going to find out shortly. She’d been summoned.

For a moment her thoughts drifted to the Captain who’d been directed to retrieve her. He’d called her by her name. The fact had struck her. She was never referred to in such a way unless it was by her master or… she shuddered, recalling the Castellan’s use of her name in the horrid scenario he’d orchestrated a couple of days ago. Deciding to push that thought aside, she focused on how the Captain had said it. It wasn’t taunting or cruel. It was simply fact. It was her name. 

She considered this… and him… a bit further before remembering this was the same Time Lord who’d looked directly at her while she was lying on the floor the other day. On top of that, the Doctor had mentioned that this man was the one she was to ask if she needed anything. Now, during this visit he’d apologized for having forgotten to direct her. He was different than his fellow guards, there was no question. 

Finally dressed, blow dried and presentable, she made her way downstairs to find the Captain standing idly by the door. On seeing her he stood to his full height. “You look lovely, miss,” he said formally before clearing his throat at looking up nervously around the room. “We should go.”

Flushing, the nodded her agreement as she walked toward him, head bowed. He’d just complimented her! What was that about? She had already decided he was different, but… openly complimenting a human? He was beyond different. He was like… like her master.

Walking past him he ushered her forward to the street where his TARDIS waited. Showing her in, he gestured for her to sit in a seat near the console before programming the ship to take off. She’d been in his TARDIS before, when the Captain had collected her from the Castellan to present her to the Doctor back when she’d been given to him. It still didn’t cease to amaze her, though. The idea that this ship could travel in space _and_ time. For a moment she wondered if it could bring her back to a time when she hadn’t been here. Would she remember what had happened or would she just carry on living her life from the moment she’d been plucked from? She guessed she’d never know. 

The Captain’s TARDIS took off smoothly with barely a sound and landed in exactly the same fashion. After materializing, the Captain moved to the door and gestured for her to follow. She was about to pass him to leave the ship when he said, “I’ll collect you when she’s done speaking with you.” He sounded sad. Maybe even frightened for her. 

Nodding, she walked past him and out into the President’s reception area.

“Sit,” she was instructed before she’d even taken in her surroundings. The voice came from an elderly looking Time Lord seated at a desk on the other side of the room. Behind him, standing before an ornately carved door, stood two bored looking guards. 

Looking around, she found chairs set up not far from the man who’d directed her. Moving over, she sat gingerly, careful not to appear too comfortable. In her experience Time Lords preferred their servants to be ready to move at any moment. 

It was a few minutes before the elderly Time Lord spoke again. “The President will see you now, human.”

Being careful not to catch the eye of any of the Gallifreyans in the room, Rose stood and moved toward the door. One of the guards pressed the panel by the door to allow her access and the barrier slid open to reveal the presidential chamber.

Memories of her first time in this office flooded back to her. Seeing her master for the first time. She’d been so nervous. Now was not much different.

“Enter, human,” the President said impatiently from behind her desk.

Hastily stepping forward, Rose bowed deeply. 

“Sit,” the President instructed, gesturing to the chair across from her. 

Doing as she was told, Rose perched herself on the edge of the chair as she had in the waiting room. 

“I see your master has been called away,” the President said with no preamble.

“Yes, my lady,” Rose answered, her eyes still cast downward. 

“What is the purpose of his trip?” Her Ladyship asked. 

Rose swallowed. This was about the Doctor, then. “He was called away to, er… Upia, I think, to speak at a rally there,” she said, trying her best to remember what he’d said.

“Look at me, human,” the President commanded. Lifting her eyes as she was told, she found Her Ladyship studying her. “Is there anything else he told you?” she probed, her eyes narrowing.

“Um… he told me that the region has a history of unrest and that he’d been called to help smooth things over. That’s all he said about it,” she elaborated, pretty sure he’d not said anything more. 

The President stood and moved around to lean against the front of her desk. Crossing her arms, she continued regarding Rose, her suspicion evident. “You wouldn’t think about holding anything back from me, would you, human? Because it would not go well for you if I found out you were lying,” she stated, her eyes cold and hard.

“No, my lady. I’m not lying. I swear,” Rose replied quickly, hearing her voice tremble slightly. What would she be hiding? The Doctor was attending a rally. That’s what he’d told her. He wouldn’t have lied to her. At least… she didn’t think he would. 

The President’s expression was unreadable as she continued to study Rose, making her anxiety peak. Finally she said, “If we discover he’s adjusted his address to the population there, even minutely, I can assure you it is not he that will pay for it. So if you learn anything new about his travels you will inform me immediately, do you understand?” she demanded.

“Yes, my lady,” Rose nodded.

Studying her for one more moment, the President then looked back at the papers on her desk and waved her hand dismissively. “Get out of my sight.” 

“Yes, my lady. Thank-you my lady,” she responded, getting up bowing before moving to the door. Before exiting, though, she paused. This was her chance. Maybe her only chance to make a case for the Doctor. It was very likely she’d be beaten for her efforts, but for some reason, something deep inside her was pushing her to do this. To do whatever she could to help him. 

“Well? What are you waiting for?” the President said from behind her. 

Turning, Rose, cast her eyes back down, assuming the permission to look at Her Ladyship would have to be requested again, and took a breath. She needed to say something. It was now or never. “Permission to speak, my lady?” 

A silent pause met her request and for a moment she thought maybe the President was calling her guards. Then, “Permission granted.”

Clasping her hands tightly at her sides, Rose gathered her courage. She could do this. She had to do this. For him.

“My lady, about my master… excuse me for being bold, ma’am, but… I know he is… troubled,” she said bravely.

“Oh yes?” the President said, her interest seemingly peaked. “Go on.”

“Well… he loves this planet, my lady. So much. He’s talked a lot about the beauty of it and about how things… how it used to be,” she said tentatively. When the President didn’t say anything, she continued, “He’s a good man, my lady. He believes no one being should have to suffer for the sake of another. And even though I’m a mere human and I can’t possibly speak to such things, I know my master is an intelligent, wise man, or you wouldn’t have wanted him as your vice-president,” she tried.

Before her the President stood and moved close enough to loom over her. “How. Dare. You.” the President intoned, her voice tight and quiet. “Look at me,” she commanded coldly.

Adrenaline shot through her as she once again raised her eyes to meet the President’s. Her Ladyship looked ready to slaughter her where she stood. “What could possibly make you think you could speak to any Time Lord this way, let alone the President?! Just who do you think you are?! Ms. Rose Tyler? Companion to the Doctor?! Well I have news for you, you insignificant, impudent creature. You. Are. Nothing.”

Bringing up her wrist, the President closed her fingers around an ebony bracelet she wore.

Excruciating pain immediately filled Rose’s chest, pulling the air from her lungs as her heart stuttered into stillness. The President’s voice continued to play around her as she fell to the floor at her feet, but her words became more and more distant as the fire in her chest extended to every part of her body. She could feel her mouth gaping open as her lungs tried and failed to fill again. 

Then suddenly, blessedly, the agony that was her exploding heart seemed to ebb and with the change, a huge gulping sound filled her ears as her lungs dragged oxygen in from the surrounding air. 

In moments the President’s voice started forming coherent words again. “...understand why he’d be willing to give up everything - his lifestyle, his freedom… even his lifelong beliefs - just to save a nothing like you. It’s unfathomable. Still, for some reason, he is truly willing to sacrifice everything for one insignificant little ape. And that is the _only_ reason you are still breathing, human. You are simply an instrument of manipulation and that is all you will ever be. Do you understand?”

Rose’s chest ached fiercely and her lungs continued to wheeze in breath, but none of that stopped her from answering. To leave a direct question unanswered was asking for continued punishment. “Yes, my lady,” she practically whispered. 

“The Doctor will remain here on Gallifrey, by my side as my vice-president, serving me and this High Council until I no longer require his services. And he will do so with enthusiasm. I will see to it. All because of his love for an inferior being,” she sneered, shaking her head. “Now. Get up. Go back to his house. Watch him. If he so much as whispers anything about inter-species equality, even in his sleep, you are to report it to me immediately. Do you understand?”

Tears prickled in Rose’s eyes. The President herself was demanding she spy on her master. 

Leaning down, Her Ladyship raised her hand to nearly touch the black band around her wrist once again. “Do. You. Understand?”

“Yes, my lady. I understand,” Rose blurted quickly, her eyes glued to the fingers hovering over the dark band. 

“Good.” 

With that, the President stood and pressed a button on her desk. The doors to the chamber slid open. “Remove this waste from my sight. Deposit it at the vice-president’s home,” she said with unveiled contempt.

In moments two sets of strong hands lifted her from the floor and dragged her out of the office before she could manage to get her feet under her.


	16. Journey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this was an editing feat. I went through chocolate, coffee, diet coke, and more chocolate to make it through this one, but in the end I’m happy enough with how it turned out. Whew! Writing is hard!

### 

Lying on the hard jump seat watching Captain Rula plot his course back to the Doctor’s house, Rose forced herself to take even, measured breaths. Her chest felt like it had been trampled on.   
The security pin hadn’t been used again since she lay trembling in the President’s office, but her body still keenly felt it aftereffects, and the guards’ rough handling of her after her punishment hadn’t helped. 

Well, at least they hadn’t insisted on returning her to the Doctor’s house themselves. Who knows what treat she might’ve been in for once they got her home if that had been the case. In honesty, she still wasn’t completely positive she could trust Captain Rula, but he seemed a good deal more agreeable than the two thugs who had dragged her into his TARDIS to leave her gasping for air on his jump seat. 

His TARDIS landed smoothly once again and after the Captain threw a few levers, it powered down. “Alright. We’re back,” he said, heading toward the doors. Keeping her eyes lowered, she pushed herself painfully into a sitting position but to her alarm she found herself unable to get up from the jump seat. Her chest still ached fiercely and her lungs were still working hard to pull in breath. 

“Coming?” the Captain called from the doors. 

He was expecting her to follow him. He may be kinder than the other Time Lords, but she didn’t trust he wouldn’t punish her if she denied a command. Once again she tried to stand, but quickly found herself on her hands and knees beside the jumpseat instead of walking down the ramp behind him. 

“Rose!” she heard the Captain shout before he seemed to simply appear beside her. In seconds his arm wrapped around her to help her up unsteadily to her feet.

“I’m sorry, my lord… I can’t…” she admitted breathily, trying to finish her sentence. Before she managed that, however, her legs simply refused to continue their efforts and her full weight leaned into him.

“Whoa!” he exclaimed, obviously as surprised as she was by her weakness. “It’s okay, I’ve got you,” he assured her before gathering her up in his arms and carrying her down the ramp, out the doors and into the house. Once again this man surprised her. She had hoped he wouldn’t beat her for not moving quickly enough. She certainly hadn’t thought he’d actually help her.

Laying her carefully on one of the plush couches in the sitting room, he disappeared for a moment before returning with a heavy blanket and a glass of water. “You need to keep hydrated,” he suggested placing the water on the table beside her before adjusting the blanket on top of her. “Try to rest,” he added, smoothing her hair back gently from her forehead. “I’ll check on you in a bit to make sure you’re alright.” 

The gesture seemed a bit too intimate and for a moment she tensed before realizing he’d stood and was moving away. He was simply being kind. It was a characteristic she still could barely accept from the Doctor let alone a guard. Anxious to make sure he knew the gesture was appreciated, she choked out a whispered, “Thank-you, my lord.”

“You’re welcome, Rose. The Doctor should be back soon. Rest,” he advised. Nodding gratefully, she found her eyes closing of their own accord. A few moments later she heard the front door slide open and closed. Once again, she was alone, but this time she had the incredible ache in her chest to keep her company. 

An image of the President’s face, painted in a livid expression, swam before her. What had she been thinking, daring to speak so directly to her? Was she insane? 

She knew the answer was very probably ‘yes’. Otherwise why would she have imagined she might actually have been heard? That her plea for her master might be considered? She should’ve known better. There was no chance the President would ever seriously consider anything she said. She was merely a pawn here. She was a game piece that could be moved at the President’s whim to manipulate the game to her advantage. To make the Doctor bend to her will. 

_’He is truly willing to sacrifice everything for one insignificant little ape. And that is the only reason you are still breathing, human. You are simply an instrument of manipulation and that is all you will ever be.’_

The President’s words echoed hollowly in her heart. The Doctor was as much as slave as she was. Bubbles of anger began pushing their way through her. The President and the Castellan would continue to push the Doctor to do everything they demanded no matter sordid. No matter how wrong. He was at their mercy. 

Because of her. 

The anger she’d been nursing pushed its way closer to the surface, surprising even her with its intensity. How _dare_ they! The Doctor… he was the most caring, brilliant example of their species and they were treating him like… like a _human_ for God’s sake! 

Well, she wasn’t going to let that happen anymore. She might be ‘Nothing’ as far as the President was concerned, but she did have one thing they didn’t. She possessed the one thing the Doctor would give up his life for. Herself. And so help her, she would not be the reason he’d sacrifice his ideals and his freedom. That’s not what she wanted to be for him. As much as she could imagine what it might feel like, she was pretty sure she loved him. She loved this man. She’d probably loved him for many years before all this. And she would be damned if these heartless beings were going to control him any longer. 

 

OoOoOoOoO

 

The Doctor’s mind worked through and replayed every worry he had about this endeavour as the land vehicle he’d borrowed from Romana bumped and jostled toward Mando province.

First off, he wasn’t completely sure he’d done a good enough job of selling the speech he’d been given to recite earlier today. A smattering of applause was all that had been drawn from the crowd when the Doctor finished the last words and it was quite clear from the peoples’ reactions that they were disappointed with the content. Part of him felt badly for leaving them wanting, but in the end he decided to take no responsibility for that part of it. He wasn’t about to jeopardize Rose’s safety this time, even though in his heart he wished he could’ve given the speech he thought these people really needed to hear. Last time, however, he’d taken it upon himself to improvise it had been made abundantly clear to him that future ad-libbing would not be tolerated. So this time he’d read it as it was written and it was everything he’d thought it would be. Dry and void of real content. ‘We will rise again to greatness, but only with the support of people like yourselves… blah, blah, blah.’ Whatever. At least he didn’t have to worry about being called out for misbehaving in that regard. 

What _did_ concern him, though, was the possibility the people weren’t going to buy into what he’d said for the time being. Not that he particularly _wanted_ them to buy in… he’d be thrilled if they stood up against the ridiculous rhetoric and made a scene, quite frankly… but if things got unruly in Upia while he was on his little side trip, they might well send someone else out to find out what was going on. That would be spectacularly bad. 

Another worry was the issue of time. He had to get to Mando province and do it in a time frame that wouldn’t raise suspicion. Being on the planet that monitored and mediated time travel, Gallifrey’s Chancellery Guard was well equipped to detect TARDIS movement on or around its vicinity, and given his questionable status at the moment, the President and her minions would surely be monitoring his particular TARDIS’s signature for any unusual activity. For that reason, TARDIS travel was not an option for the purpose of this excursion. He’d have to travel the only way the authorities wouldn’t bother tracking. Land travel. Hence the time problem. 

In total he had only about twelve hours to get to Mando, find the device, deactivate it, return back to Upia, and jump in his TARDIS to return back to Rose. An absence from home longer than that might raise suspicions. In the end, it wasn’t a lot of time and he knew it. Luckily, Romana and the Coach had provided him with detailed directions to the facility as well as a schematic of the place which would help keep him on schedule. 

Speaking of… Romana was another worry. Weeeellll, that wasn’t quite accurate. _She_ wasn’t the worry. Far from it. She’d been a sight for very old, tired eyes. He’d missed her. They’d had only a small amount of time to catch up after his arrival and before he left for Mando, but seeing her again was truly surreal. She was another part of his life he’d been sure was gone forever and seeing her… smiling, breathing… it was a gift that almost made this ordeal worth it. Almost. 

Where his worry came in for his friend was her involvement with him. Unsurprisingly, she had been the true coordinator of this rescue. During the hours they spent together before the speech, she’d explained that after Rassilon had removed her from her position as acting President, she’d retired to Upia province where she met the Coach. They’d shared the same fears for the trajectory of their race and formed a small underground movement with a few like-minded Time Lords. Their goal was to evolve their people’s vision of their place in the universe… to share their views about supporting other cultures rather than controlling them. Her cause had grown rather quickly, with a number of Time Lords on the council supporting her cause, so after Gallifrey was saved and she learned of the Doctor’s presence, it wasn’t long before she discovered the truth of his predicament through her contacts in the Capitol. 

Now here she was. Helping him. Putting herself and her partner in danger. He shook his head sadly as he looked out over the red grassy fields waving in the wind as he drove past. The people he loved here should be enjoying life again. Breathing the pure air of this incredible planet. Instead they were in harm’s way. Because of him. Of course she’d assured him she wasn’t helping just for him. She and her supporters were doing it for Rose and for all the slaves on Gallifrey currently controlled by the horrid devices which she and her followers abhorred the use of. 

Begrudgingly he’d accepted her involvement for those reasons. They were noble and he couldn’t fault them. He drew the line, though, when she and the Coach insisted they come with him on this mission. They may have been against the use of the device, but they hadn’t planned to sabotage it themselves… at least not until they had more support and a better chance of success. Clearly he couldn’t wait until that time, but that didn’t mean he would let his friends put themselves in unnecessary danger because of him. This was his own crusade. Rose was his responsibility. 

Rose. Once again his worried thoughts turned to his little pink and yellow human. Yes, he’d left her in good hands… as good as he could hope for in the current circumstances. Captain Rula, he now knew, had been loyal to Romana since she was forced from office, and had always supported her progressive thoughts on equality. It seems he’d been right to trust the man and he couldn’t be more thankful. Rose’s life was literally in his hands. But as much as he appreciated the Captain’s bravery and willingness to watch out for the most important woman in the universe, he hated knowing Rose wasn’t in his direct care at the moment. 

His thoughts continued to mull over these and many more worries as his vehicle trudged across the Gallifreyan countryside. Once again he marvelled at the beauty of his planet. To think that such corruption and evil could exist on such a pristine landscape. It was wrong in every sense. 

The trip seemed to last forever and the suns had almost set when he finally saw a smattering of lights against the darkened country land in the distance. It was the Troligan centre. Despite the fact he hadn’t had a kip in a couple of days, he felt himself instantly become completely alert. This was it. This is where they kept the security pin device.

He drove a bit further before easing his vehicle off the road to park it behind some trees at the top of the hill overlooking the massive complex below. Getting out and stretching his long legs, he moved to the edge of the hill to look down on the huge building. 

The Troligan centre was a large government run facility where vast amounts of minerals were collected and stored for the production of TARDIS replacement parts. Once again he begrudgingly congratulated the Time Lords for thinking to hide the security pin device in such a location. The building’s size and rural location made it a perfect, out of the way hiding place. On top of that, the machinery and time sensitive parts would mask its presence nicely should anyone be scanning the planet for its presence. 

Circling the facility, making to sure to give it a wide berth given the likelihood it would be heavily guarded, he finally found the entrance to he was looking for… and cursed under his breath.

He was right. Chancellery Guards were everywhere. It certainly wasn’t an ideal situation, but luckily, Romana and the Coach had prepared him for this very possibility by providing him with the uniform, helmet and fake identification he was now wearing; all identical to those worn by the factory workers below. They’d also made sure to find out the facility schedule. He’d arrived only three microspans before shift change. 

Under cover of bushes and the darkening sky, he nearly slid down the hillside, making it to the gated perimeter surrounding the facility without being seen. Walking along the edge of it, he finally got to the entry point where the shift workers were all entering the grounds. Easing himself into the jostling crowd without gaining much attention, he allowed himself to be carried along with the rest of the shift workers toward the open gate. 

As they neared the entrance he watched as the people ahead of him flashed their badges at the guards on duty. No one was being stopped and no one was scanning the identity badges. Well, this was rubbish security. Not that he minded. He was thrilled. Clearly this lot had never had cause to really worry about being infiltrated, and that made his life a lot easier. 

Having gotten through the gate, he strode forward with put-on confidence as he entered the main building, making sure to do so with the authority of someone who’d done so a thousand times. No one spared him a second glance. Thank Rassilon. 

Heading straight for the first location he had to get to, he worked to keep his stride slow and confident. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a notepad and pen, making a point to look down and jot notes when he neared anyone coming toward him from the opposite direction. His ruse seemed to work, as no one bothered him for the full length of his journey. He had to avoid being questioned at all costs. He only had one shot at this, and there was far too much at stake to fail.


	17. Flying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap. My heart was pounding as I wrote the end of this chapter! Whew! Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

### 

The Doctor snaked his way through the corridors of the Troligan Centre, mindful to keep himself out of sight as much as possible as he he got closer to the cargo bay. It had taken a while to get to this point, as he’d had to make a number of stops before this in order to make his plan work. 

Now, finally hiding in a nearby alcove, he watched the door of cargo bay 10. As Romana had predicted, it was guarded, with two well armed Chancellery Guards posted just outside the doors. Once again he silently thanked her for her help. Not that he hadn’t considered the idea that there may be one or two living obstacles between him and the device. He had. What he hadn’t had to work out was how to get past them. Covering his ears, he waited.

...4, 3, 2, 1…

A blaring alarm pierced the air making the guards visibly jump. “What in Rassil-?” one of them said before his com-device boomed, ‘Evacuate bays 1 through 17,’ an authoritative voice commanded. ‘There’s been a malfunction in the area 4 reactor. Clear all staff and then report to base immediately,’ the voice instructed. 

“Service bay 10 copy,” one of the guards replied before throwing the bay doors open to evacuate the civilian staff. Almost immediately the service bay personnel began streaming past in an effort to evacuate the premises. 

Recognizing the opportunity, the Doctor ducked out from his hiding place and shuffled through and against the crowd to make his way into the service bay. Thankfully the guards were busy working to evacuate the staff inside the large hangar sized room and he wasn’t given a second glance. Spotting a good hiding spot under one of the large mineral storage units off to the side of the huge space, he slid out of view and waited until no more voices could be heard and the storage bay doors hissed closed. 

Silently he thanked Romana again. Thanks to her he’d not only managed to get into the service bay, but he’d also not appear on any visual recording. The ‘diversion’ she’d helped him construct had been strategically placed on the reactor closest to the communication centre so that when it went off it took out all monitoring of the facility. No one would see him completing his task.

Right. Now… to find the device. 

Creeping out from under the large container, he reached deep into one of the pockets of the uniform he wore and pulled out his sonic. Dialing it to the appropriate setting, he held it out before him and began moving his arm in a circle around him to scan the massive space. Walking forward, he continued scanning until his brilliant screwdriver began whirring more loudly. Aha!

Practically running in the direction his sonic indicated, he quickly found himself standing over a covered manhole in the floor. He was pretty sure he could hear his heartsbeats in his ears with the increase of the Time Lord equivalent of adrenaline now running through him.

Kneeling down he soniced the screws loose and pulled up the heavy cover to reveal a ladder leading down into a darkened space. Wasting no time, he scooted down and into the small room. Holding his sonic up for light, he found himself face to face with the very object of his mission. So this was it. The piece of machinery that held Rose and all the other slaves on the planet captive.

Stuffing his sonic between his teeth, he soniced and removed the cover panel of the device and then reached into his pocket again. This time, though, he pulled out the small simulator that would ensure no one suspected foul play after his mission was completed. Clicking it on to the inside of the larger machine he held his breath while he pressed the two small buttons that activated it. 

Silence. Relief spilled through him. It was unlikely, but there had been a small chance the activation might set off a sensor on the security key device. It was a chance he’d had to take, and thankfully it hadn’t come to pass. The simulator was key to this entire endeavour. Once the security pin device was deactivated, the simulator would ensure that the blue lights of the security pins would continue to pulse just under the skin of the slaves who had them. No one but him and those who were helping him would know that they were inactive… at least until someone tried to activate one for whatever reason.

That done, he began working on deactivating the device itself. Romana and the Coach had furnished him with the supplies he needed to decommission it, and in under ten earth minutes he’d thoroughly destroyed the internal workings of the device and had removed the small microchip that was the heart of the machine. It wouldn’t be easy to reconstruct the device without it. Not impossible, but it would definitely slow down the process a great deal. 

Stuffing the microchip in his pocket he replaced the casing of the device and cleaned up the area. No one would suspect he’d been there, and that’s exactly what he needed. With the blue lights still pulsing on the chests of the slaves on the planet, there would be no reason to suspect he’d done anything here. The only disturbance would have been a malfunction in one of the reactors… not unheard of in these older facilities. It would be repaired and no one would be the wiser. All of this would buy him time, which was exactly what he needed now. Time to collect Rose and get her to safety far, far away from here while he and Romana freed the rest of the slaves and dealt with the President.

 

OoOoOoOoO

 

Tripping for what felt like the thousandth time since she’d set out on her journey, Rose stopped for a moment to get her bearings. Despite its unmatched beauty, the terrain she was traversing to get to her destination was anything but easy to cross. The landscape was surprisingly rugged and harsh, which she’d honestly not expected. From the window in the Doctor’s house it seemed much more flat than it actually was, with the fields of red grass masking the bumpy and rather rocky terrain. On top of that, the mountains looked so much closer from the comfort of his sitting room. She’d hoped to get there before morning, but at this rate she wasn’t sure she was going to make it. She just hoped she’d arrive before it was noticed that she was missing. She had no memory of freedom, but she wanted to know the feeling before the end. And what was more fitting a place to experience it but standing upon a cliff looking back at the one place she’d ever felt cherished. The Doctor’s home. 

As she picked her way over boulders and rocky outcrops, she thought of the note she’d left him. It’s not how she’d wanted to say good-bye, but there really was no other choice. He would never willingly let her go and she had to be gone… for him. She needed to take herself out of the picture. It was the only way the Doctor would ever be free, and she couldn’t stand knowing she was the cause of his imprisonment here. 

A particularly strong gust of wind hit then, making Rose’s teeth chatter as she wrapped her arms protectively around herself. She’d left the house in only her shift, which she now quite regretted. When she’d managed to sneak past her guards and out of the dome early in the evening it was still warm, but having never been outside the dome, she had no idea that it got this cold at night. 

Part of her wanted to simply curl up right here for a bit, but the bigger part of her wanted to push on. She needed this to happen and she wanted to make sure when it did, it was on her own terms. When they realized she’d escaped, her captors would simply activate the security pin in her chest. If it didn’t kill her, at the very least she’d be rendered unconscious. They’d find her and punish her beyond her wildest imaginings and then she’d be given back to the Doctor to once again manipulate him. 

But that wasn’t how this was going to go down. She wasn’t going to let them take this one last thing from her. They’d taken her freedom and that of the man she loved. With this one act she would free them both and the cruel beings who lorded over them would no longer have anything to hold over her or the Doctor. He would be liberated in the physical sense and she would be liberated in the spiritual. In a relatively short amount of time this would all be over and she’d be truly free. 

OoOoOoOoO

The Doctor made it back to Romana’s home with little time to spare. His ‘safety window’ for being missed was intact, but it didn’t leave him time to do much more than share the outcome of his trip before she and the Coach whisked him back to his TARDIS. Romana looked decidedly preoccupied during their short trek, but he didn’t have time to delve into the reason for her distraction at the moment. He had to get back to Rose as quickly as possible if he was going to be assured of getting her off the planet before they were found out. Their cover could last for hours or even days, or he could be found out in a matter of minutes. He had to move if he wanted to make sure she was safe. A quick hug and a promise to get in touch as soon as he was able, and he was off.

The TARDIS landed exactly where he’d planned - smack dab in the center of his sitting room. Wasting no time, he darted down the ramp and threw the doors open. 

“Rose!” he shouted, unable to keep the excitement from permeating his voice. He’d made it. She was going to be safe in a matter of minutes. “Rose!” he shouted again, running into the kitchen. Then he paused. It was quiet. Too quiet. “Rose?” he called, now becoming worried. Where was she? Maybe sleeping?

Darting up the stairs he flew into her room without knocking. Nothing. Anxiety now encased him. Had she been taken? Had he been found out and they’d swooped in to remove her from him? 

He was about to dash back down the stairs to call for Captain Rula when he spotted a folded piece of paper on Rose’s bed. It was the envelope from the speech the Castellan had given him to say at the inauguration. Opening it up he found words written in her swirling cursive English. 

_Dearest Doctor,_

_I’m writing to let you know that I’ve decided to leave. I know exactly what this means for me, and I want you to know that I am at peace with it. You’ve been nothing but kind to me and I owe you every moment of happiness I recall ever having. For this reason and so very many others, I have to go. I will never be back. I guess I’ll never know exactly how we knew each other before this, but I am grateful that I got to know you again before I had to leave. I only wish I could’ve said all this to you in person, though I suspect you’d try to talk me out of it. If it helps, please know that this is a decision I came to by myself. It’s the only one I’ve made completely of my own free will for as long I can remember. If I can ask for any one thing, I ask that you please respect it._

_Go forward and heal your planet, Doctor. Do it for the people who need it to change. Do it for me. And when you have, and your world is on the right path, look out on the beauty of the mountains at sunset and know that you’re the one who made your people as beautiful as your planet._

_Love, Rose_

The Doctor’s mouth was gaping. Damn it! Damnitdamnitdamnit!!! Clutching the note in one hand, he tugged his hair fiercely with the other as he began pacing. Rose! What the hell had she done? What was she bloody thinking?! 

_She was thinking about how she could save_ YOU _. That’s what she was thinking. She was doing what she does best… protecting the people she cares about,_ his own mind chided him. Of course she was. She’d figured it out and he should’ve known she would. She was doing this for him.

A well of self-recrimination spilled over in him. Damn it! He hadn’t told her before he left what he was up to because he thought it might put her in danger, but now… Frustrated tears sprang to his eyes.

Pacing the room even more quickly, he wracked his considerable brain. Where would she go? Think!

Stopping before the wall sized window he paused. The mountains. _Look out on the beauty of the mountains_... Oh gods. The mountains. 

Dashing to his TARDIS he threw open the doors and ran up the ramp. With a general location he could get the TARDIS to scan for a lone lifesign and hone in on it. 

Assuming she still had one.

No! He couldn’t think like that. He couldn’t. She was going to be fine. She had to be. If there was any justice in the universe… any sort of fairness… he would find her alive and well. There was simply no other alternative he could fathom. Rose Tyler had to be alive.

OoOoOoOoO

Rose sat panting from exhaustion on a decent sized outcropping just outside of a cave on the closest rocky peak. This mountain was hardly the largest of them, but at this point she couldn’t be choosey. The sun was starting to rise now and her time was surely running out. It could be very soon that her absence would be noticed and she couldn’t waste time trekking much further. This smaller version of the incredible mountains a bit further away would have to do. And really, what did it matter? It was the gesture. It was the knowledge that she was as high as she could get and as far away from oppression as she could muster. That’s what really mattered. 

She’d managed to scale about halfway up the side of the rock face, though in honesty she was just lucky she’d actually made it this far. Significant gusts of wind had nearly dislodged her as she ascended the mountainside and her fingers were so numb from cold that she could barely feel them now. She was incredibly thirsty and she had more than a few bruises and bloody gashes to confirm she’d not had an easy time of this escape. 

None of that mattered now, though. This was as far as she was going to go. Despite the cold wind, the rising sun was now beginning to warm her and she welcomed the feeling with an upturned face and closed eyes. Taking a deep breath, she let the still cool air fill her lungs and willed it to wash away any doubt she had about this. This is what freedom felt like. It was heady. It was why she was doing this.

She’d already planned exactly how this was going to happen. Standing shakily, she shuffled to the edge of the cliff, making a point of not looking down. She wanted to look out. Over the expanse. She wanted to fly. But not before she remembered. 

Closing her eyes, she purposefully pushed herself to think about him. Her Doctor. The man who loved her. The one who showed her respect and caring when no one else did. The one who knew her before all this. Before Gallifrey. Before the Castellan and the President. She and her Doctor. They had been together… she was sure of that now. All because of the memory that had made itself known when she’d let herself fantasize. 

Tendrils of pain creeped into her mind with the thought as she now recalled the end of the memory she’d uncovered yesterday.

_”Are you sure you don’t mean… John?”_ It wasn’t what she called him. She knew that by the cheeky look on his face. She called him Doctor. Her Doctor.   
In her mind’s eye she pictured him crawling up her naked body to kiss her as he played his hand deliciously up and down her bare skin. Pausing his movement on her lips he pulled back and leaned his forehead against hers. “I love you, Rose Tyler. Never forget that. No matter what. No matter where you go. No matter when. Can you do that?” 

Pain dug into her brain with the memory making her gasp a breath in. That was it. That was the memory she wanted to leave with. 

Around her the wind picked up even further and a howling filled the air as a gust nearly swept her off her feet.

Lifting her arms up as if to capture the wind under wings she didn’t possess, she made herself re-hear his words in her mind. “I love you, Rose Tyler. Never forget that.”

With that, she let herself fall.


	18. Rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Rose and the Doctor save each other.

### 

Plugging in the general coordinates, the Doctor instructed the TARDIS to look for a lone life sign anywhere in the vicinity of the closest mountain range. She came up with a few, but one looked particularly promising if Rose was up to what he was terrifyingly sure she was. 

The TARDIS landed with an urgent thump, nearly throwing him to the grating as it did. Clearly his brilliant ship was as concerned about Rose as he was. 

Wasting no time, he threw himself down the ramp and out the doors, finding himself in the mouth of a cave. In front of him… metres away… was the most petrifying image he’d ever seen. 

Arms thrown out, spread as if to fly, he watched in horror as his blonde, wind whipped angel seemed to purposefully lean forward to plunge off the cliff. Without thought he ran and dove toward her, arms outstretched.

Blessedly, the fabric of her long shift caught in his clawed fingers as she toppled forward. Clinging on with everything he had, his arms jerked nearly out of their sockets as her downward trajectory yanked him forward. His feet and body slid along the rocks beneath him and he fought frantically to brace himself so as not to follow her over the precipice. To his desperate relief he caught his foot against a jutting boulder, and, anchoring himself, he reinforced his grip on the fabric of her dress. Her body jerked against the disturbed momentum of her fall and a moment later a sickening thump and a pained cry met his ears as her body hit the rock face. 

“NO! Let go! Please!” he heard Rose cry from her precarious spot, dangling over the side of cliff as the fierce wind blew around her.

“No! Rose! Please… I need you!” he pleaded loudly above the roar of the wind. “Don’t leave me again, please!” he shouted, letting every fear he’d ever had fly from him. “I… I love you. I won’t go on without you. Not again!” he insisted, gripping the fabric tighter and bracing himself even more firmly against the rocks before yanking her up as hard as he could. He was not going to let this happen. Rose Tyler was never going to leave his sight again if he could help it. 

A surprised yelp came from Rose with the hard tug. “Doctor! No! Let me go! They… they’ll never stop! Please!” 

“Rose, listen,” he insisted as he held fast. “I can get us out of here. My TARDIS is right here. We’ll go… you’re safe!” he shouted above the wind. 

“But the pin...” she yelled back after a moment. 

“It’s dead! I promise! Now please, Rose… come back to me,” he begged, gritting his teeth against the burn that had begun to creep into the muscles of his arms. Time Lords were strong, but even they had limits. 

In moments, though, he felt some of the weight being taken by Rose as she purposefully anchored herself on the rock face as best she could, despite the fact she was basically hanging upside down. 

Gingerly he released one hand’s grip on her shift to quickly grab her ankle. “I’m gonna pull you up now, Rose,” he warned before dragging her toward him as carefully as he could. 

It seemed to take forever, but finally, after some shifting and exertion, he had her up over the edge and back onto solid ground. She didn’t last long there, however, because he had her firmly in his arms moments after that, gripping her tightly as he repeatedly kissed the crown of her head.

“Never scare me like that again. Please,” he begged. “I love you so much,” he admitted aloud again, now unable to censure himself as he continuing to press kisses into her hair. 

Lifting her face up, she looked directly into his eyes. What he saw there... “I love you too,” she breathed, her eyes shining with joyful tears.

“Rose…”

But his words were stopped there by the press of her insistent lips against his. The adrenaline and relief still coursing through him made pulling back from the her a complete impossibility and there was barely a moment before he was reciprocating her passionate snog with everything he had. His body hummed with the feel of her against him - so blessedly breathing and emanating pure, raw… life. It was beyond intoxicating. 

He could’ve continued for hours with her there, nestled in his arms, her full lips sliding over his… but reality soon asserted itself in the form of a particularly cold gust of wind and a very attractive human shivering in his embrace. Pulling back, he allowed himself a small giddy grin. He’d just told her the truth, and this time there was no crowd to placate. It was just for her. He loved her. And even though he should, he felt no guilt about it. At all.

“What?” she said, narrowing her eyes in suspicion. 

“I just snogged Rose Tyler,” he said truthfully, now grinning inanely. 

Rose let a laugh loose with his proclamation. “Yes you did, you plum,” she smiled back before her teeth began chattering in earnest. 

“But what am I doing?! We need to get you inside,” he chastised himself before pulling her to her feet. 

Just then the quiet whir of a TARDIS filled the air making them both jump. “Run!” he yelled, taking Rose’s hand to pull her toward his own TARDIS. In moments the door was thrown open and the Doctor tugged Rose inside before solidly slamming it closed even as the other TARDIS fully materialized nearby. 

Tugging her up the ramp, Rose nearly lost her footing as he pulled her up to deposit her on the jump seat as gently as possible before darting to the console. Levers were urgently thrown and buttons were pressed in haste as he maneuvered them deftly into the vortex… a move their pursuers clearly hadn’t thought he’d execute. 

“Ha ha!” he exclaimed, punching the air. “Gotcha!” he bellowed, grinning like a loon at the monitor. 

“What?!” Rose asked, now by his side. 

“They still didn’t know that the security pin device had been deactivated,” he said triumphantly. “They didn’t expect me to leave the planet. Ha!” he barked with a bright smile. 

“So… what does that mean?” Rose asked, smiling now despite her obvious confusion.

Turning to grip her arms, he grinned. “It means, Rose Marion Tyler, that you’re safe, and the Time Lords haven’t followed us. They weren’t prepared for me to leave Gallifrey so they hadn’t thought to trace me into the vortex! We’re free, Rose!” he beamed.

The brightest, most satisfying smile he’d ever witnessed played across Rose’s face then. “You’re free?” she said, almost not believing it. 

_”We’re free,”_ he rephrased. 

“We’re free,” she repeated, as if to convince herself.

“Yup!” he said, consciously popping the final ‘p’ in triumph. 

Rose laughed then as she jumped into his arms in an excited hug. It was a bright, ringing song that made his hearts nearly burst with joy. It was a sound that, only days ago he thought he might never hear again. Encasing her in an enthusiastic embrace, they laughed together for a moment as he lifted her off her feet to swing her around. He felt giddy with relief. 

Finally settling her back on her feet, she leaned back and took his face in both her hands, pulling him into another soul searing kiss. Beyond caring about repercussions at the moment, he let himself be pulled into bliss as her lips insistently caressed his and her body pressed against him. His body’s response was surprisingly instant, and despite his usual control, he felt himself begin to show the telltale signs of arousal.

This was now going too far and he knew it. Rose… _his_ Rose… wouldn’t appreciate his acceptance of this situation when he knew there was another. And despite his body’s near insistence that he shut the hell up and keep this going, reason prevailed. Pulling back, he was about to apologize when Rose cupped her hand over his growing erection making his head loll back and his mouth emit an involuntary groan. 

Her hand pressed against his now solid length over the fabric of his trousers making him buck against her. A happy hum escaped his beautiful human with his reaction. Seemingly, his body’s traitorous need was enough for her to consider him on board with all this, and she reached up to undo the button of his trousers. 

It was the small reprieve he needed. “Rose… I… I can’t…” he said, a bit surprised at how much his words sounded like pleading. 

Looking up into his eyes, her pupils blown wide with need, she said, “Yes. You can. Please. I need this, Doctor. I need to feel you.” Her voice sounded as needy as his own.

“But Rose… there’s… there’s someone else,” he tried to explain. Her eyes widened in surprise, but quickly he read hurt in them. 

No… no… “No, Rose…not for me. For you. You’d don’t remember, but there’s someone else in your life,” he said before being cut off by a shushing finger on his lips. 

“I don’t care about that right now. There might be someone else, but there was also you. I know it. I can feel it with everything I am. So please don’t turn me away right now, Doctor. I need you to show me this can be… not... “ she paused, gathering her words, “... that it can be a beautiful thing.” Her eyes were shining now as she stared up into his.

All resolve melted away with her heartfelt plea. She’d known nothing but pain on Gallifrey, and thanks for the Castellan, it was all she’d known of intimacy as well. And now that he knew where this was coming from he was loathe to deny her. Part of him still encouraged him to stop this as he leaned forward to capture her lips once more… it was still wrong, and in the end, she still wouldn’t thank him for it. But somehow her current need completely nullified any reasons he was coming up with to end this. 

Her body immediately responded as his mouth captured hers and her fingers resumed their task of attempting to disrobe him. But that wouldn’t do. 

Stopping her hand, he gently took it in his own. She seemed surprised and maybe hurt by his action, but he quickly corrected her train of thought by gently pulling her toward the corridor. He was not going to have her learn what a beautiful thing intimacy could be by shagging her against a coral strut. No. He was going to do right by her. She deserved that and so much more. 

Arriving at his room, he opened the door and lead her in. His four poster bed was made (thanks to his ship) and stood proudly in the centre of the room. Before they got there, though, the Doctor stopped her. “Can I?” he asked, gently pulling up her shift.

“Yes. Please,” she answered, looking up into his eyes with some trepidation but mostly trust. 

Tugging the dirty dress up and over her head, he allowed his eyes to drift over her bra and knicker clad body. The blue light beneath the creamy skin of her breast still pulsed but what drew his immediate attention wasn’t that. It was the number of blood dried gashes and bruises decorating her legs and arms. “Rose…” he breathed, worry permeating his voice as he traced his fingers over a particularly large bruise on her arm.

Her hand wrapped around his wrist. “‘M fine, Doctor. Please… I just want to think about this right now. Being with you,” she almost pleaded. 

She was tired of pain. Tired of being a victim. He could understand that. Looking her in the eye, he traced his hand back up her body to cup her cheek. “You’re incredible, Rose. One of the strongest people I’ve ever known. You deserve only comfort and adoration. And I’m gonna give you that,” he vowed before swooping in and planting a reverent kiss on her lips. The contact heated quickly and before he knew it Rose had her brilliant fingers at the button of his trousers and he was swiftly divested of all his clothing. 

Walking her back, his erection brushing the skin of her belly as he maneuvered them to the bed, he continued his attention to her lips, while his hands explored her nearly bare skin. She was hardly a passive participant, though, and he revelled in the feel of her warm hands playing over his back and sliding down to grip his bottom as he eased her back onto the fluffy duvet. Crawling over her he planted moist kisses along her neck and clavicle and she arched under him, encouraging his oral exploration as she unclasped her bra and threw it to the side. Not that he needed encouragement. He seemed to be a slave to his own desire to see her writhe beneath him at the moment. There was little that would deter him from that goal now. 

Sliding down her body he found himself at the apex of her thighs, tugging her moist knickers down her toned legs. Her pheromones now perfumed the air, but despite the telltale signs of arousal, she began shaking slightly beneath him. 

Damn it. He’d gone too far. She wasn’t ready for this. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, guilt once again taking hold. What was he thinking? This wasn’t appropriate. Not now. Not yet. 

Pulling back slightly he started to drag himself back up her body when he found himself halted by a heavy hand on his shoulder. Looking up, he found her dark eyes boring into his. “No… please Doctor. I… could you…” she said uncertainly, clearly torn between want and anxiety. 

“Rose, we don’t have to do this. You need more time,” he suggested gently. 

“No. I don’t. I want this… if, if you want to, that is,” she added. 

Did he want this? More than anything he’d ever wanted in his long, long life. A slightly feral smile played on his lips then as he gazed up at this brilliant, brave woman. He wanted this, alright. 

His expression seemed to give her the answer she’d been hoping for and her pupils seemed to blow impossibly wide with his obvious interest in continuing his oral exploration of her. 

“Just relax,” he encouraged as he leaned in to drop kisses on her belly and to dart his tongue out to taste her creamy skin. He could tell she was trying to do as he suggested, but tension still rode through her body. 

Determined to exercise her of that, he didn’t move further south just yet. Instead he spent some time simply caressing her bare skin, moving his hands to cup the mounds of her breasts and to play down the tops and outsides of her legs. Small moans and shivers of appreciation escaped her as he did so, making it difficult to continue this almost chaste exploration of her. 

It seemed her thoughts weren’t far from his though, and she soon emitted more needy sounds and finally a, “Doctor please…”

That was all he needed. Kissing and licking his way down closer to her centre, he moved to spread her legs and lay directly between them. Her breath hitched audibly with the action, and the fresh, irresistible scent of pheromones hit his nostrils. She really did want this. That was all the permission he needed now. 

Dipping his tongue down, he ran it ever so lightly over her glistening centre. Her hips jerked up and she gasped a breath in with the touch even as his own breath nearly stopped. The taste of her in his mouth was captivating and nearly overwhelming. And he needed more of it. 

Unwilling to wait to satisfy his desire to dip into her, he moved his hands to anchor her hips to the bed and plunged his tongue into her folds to swipe it along the seam and up over her clitoris. Her taste was ambrosia, and now that he’d sampled it, he had no intention of leaving its wellspring anytime soon. 

Swirling his tongue over the hood of her erect bundle, he savoured the sound of her mewls and gasps as he repeated the movement before once again sliding down to push his tongue as deeply as he could into her moist centre. Her hips continued to try to buck under his ministrations, but he held her firmly, relishing her aroused movements even as he continued treating himself to her intoxicating taste. She was calling his name now, and the sound of it spurred him on to give her exactly what she wanted. 

Letting go of one hip, he brought his fingers down to slide two deftly into her core. Curling them up to caress the textured spot toward the front of her body, he focused his tongue’s attention on the erect bundle of nerves at the top of her sex. Rose’s noises were now impossibly needy and becoming more and more breathless. Her hands, that had been playing in his hair as he worshipped her, were now gripping and clawing at his tresses as his name escaped her over and over. 

Then she came. Her inner muscles pulsed around his fingers as her breathing stopped and every muscle in her tensed. It was the most beautiful thing he’d ever been a part of. Pleasuring the woman he loved to the point of bliss. It was heady. And impossibly arousing. 

He wanted nothing more now than to crawl up her body and plunge himself deep inside her, but he didn’t stop the movement of his fingers and tongue until she started breathing again and shudders of pleasure washed over her a few times. 

“Come here,” she said breathlessly after a few moments. 

Shooting her a lusty smile, he wiped the moisture of her arousal from his face and moved up to nestle himself just near her centre. Apparently that wasn’t what she had in mind, however. 

Pushing his shoulder, she flipped him onto his back and straddled him. “My turn,” she announced with a decidedly lusty grin. She clearly needed control of this part. The reason for this still ate him up inside, but he wasn’t about to explore that aspect of her pain at the moment. She needed this to be a safe, loving experience and he was going to give her that. 

Reaching down, she took him in hand. The contact was both exquisite and mind blowing. He was already so very ready for her. If there was much more contact before the event he worried he’d lose it before he even entered her. 

Somehow, though, she must’ve read this in him, and didn’t mess about with anymore foreplay. Positioning him at her centre, she eased her lips apart with her fingers and sank down on his length in one blessed movement. 

The feeling was unparalleled. This was a moment he’d dreamt of on so very many occasions and his dreams hadn’t done it justice; her hot, wet tightness squeezing his length as she raised her body slowly up only to lower herself again. Her hands moved to gather her hair and pile it on the top of her head, leaving her breasts to bounce provocatively above him as she moved faster and faster to increase the pace of their lovemaking. The sight itself was enough to do him in and in moments he found himself spiralling out of this galaxy and into a previously unexplored dimension of bliss. He was sure sounds were issuing from his mouth but for the lives of him he couldn’t make out what they were. Maybe some litany of “Rose!”, a string of growls, and the profane use of a number of deities names. In the end, none of that mattered though. He’d reached the pinnacle of pleasure. A place he may never reach again, he reminded himself depressingly. 

Pushing that thought aside, he worked on continuing to experience the here and now. Sheathed in Rose Tyler, coming down from the best orgasm he could remember ever having. 

Too soon, Rose leaned over him, kissed his neck and pulled herself off of him. Still sensitive, the movement made him hiss a small breath in as she nestled herself into his side. 

“I love you, Doctor,” she said quietly after a moment.

“I love you too, Rose,” he shared. He’d said it before. It wasn’t new information. What could it hurt if he said it again? He’d just shagged the woman he’d loved for years. He’d already crossed whatever line he’d tried to draw to keep his hearts safe and to keep her safe from his love for her. She’d likely already given her heart to his other self. The man he’d left her with so very long ago. The man who was surely beside himself with worry for her. He’d taken advantage of the situation to assuage his loneliness and unhappiness with his choice to leave her with him. And he’d revelled in it. In truth, he didn’t even feel as badly as he should about it. He loved Rose Tyler. He’d finally gotten to share that with her in whatever form she was at the moment. He only hoped she wouldn’t hate him for it when she remembered who she really was.


	19. Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Four or five more chapters left, friends. There are a few more surprises and twists left before the end, though, so don't let go of your hats - the roller coaster has not come to a full stop yet!

### 

Hours after falling asleep to the lulling feel of the Doctor’s fingers stroking her hair and the occasional soft press of his lips on her head, Rose woke peacefully which was a welcome change. Normally waking was a stressful affair, with her jarring herself awake from a terrifying nightmare. She only wished she felt better physically. 

Since the Doctor had rescued her from the mountainside she’d been rather nauseous. She’d chalked it up to the effects of the long trek and possibly exposure. Now, though, nestled under the warm blankets of the Doctor’s bed, there was no denying it was getting worse and there was no longer a good reason for it. Then again, she hadn’t eaten in a good while. It could be her body was just peeved at her for ignoring its needs for so long.

Deciding to try to ignore the nagging nausea for just a bit longer, she turned her head to the side to find the man who’d convinced her to go on living. Beside her the Doctor lay breathing slowly and evenly, his hair adorably ruffled against his pillow. A flutter of excitement zinged through her in remembrance of the reason for his presence. They’d made love. And it really was just that. Love. And it was more than she’d dared to hope it might be. It was gentle and caring and almost… sacred. And now it was _hers_. She owned the memory of it and because of that the Castellan no longer owned that part of her life. She’d taken it back and the Doctor had given her that gift. 

A well of emotion poured through her with the thought. She owed this man her life in every way she could think of. He’d saved her both in body and spirit and she couldn’t ever thank him enough. She knew that. She just hoped it would be enough that she would be here for him in the same way should the need ever arise. Of course… that would be the last thing she’d ever want. The man beside her should only have to experience joy in his life. Sadness and grief and pain should not be words in his vocabulary. And if she could help it, they wouldn’t be. Not anymore.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a little snarffled snore issuing from the Time Lord in question. The sound made her smile. It seemed he hadn’t slept lately either, she mused. She knew Time Lords didn’t need as much sleep as humans but she suspected they needed to sleep more than she’d been told. If nothing else, wouldn’t they _want_ to sleep more than a few hours every few days? She _loved_ sleeping, and she learned to cherish it even more after the Castellan had denied it her on that one occasion.

The memory of that time awakened the nausea she’d been fighting for the last few minutes, making her have to take a few deep breaths to quell it. Closing her eyes again, she waited for the wave to pass and was thankful when it finally did a couple of minutes later. It seemed she was going to have to get up soon to eat. She wasn’t sure that was the problem, but at this point it was a good a plan as any. 

Opening her eyes again, she was once again treated to a view of the man she loved. Thoughts of getting up washed away as she watched the gorgeous man beside her scrunch his face up adorably and softly smack his lips in his sleep. A small giggle escaped her with the movement… he looked completely sweet. 

The small shake of her laugh must’ve roused him, though, as he chose that moment to crack an eye open. She grinned widely in response. “Hello, sleepyhead,” she said, her tongue snaking out between her teeth.

A sleepy smile graced his lips in response. “Hello,” he replied softly, now studying her face, his expression one of affection.

“What?” she asked, her smile broadening. 

“I just… I didn’t think I’d ever…” he trailed off, his eyes changing from warm to solemn. Finally he turned his head to stare at the ceiling. “It’s nothing.” 

He was pulling away. Well that wouldn’t do. Not at all. Gathering her courage she broached, “Doctor… what were you gonna say?” 

Turning his head again, he regarded her with what seemed like a pained expression. For a moment she wondered if he was gonna brush her off, but instead he said, “I was gonna say… I didn’t think I’d ever have this with you. I’ve dreamed of it so many times. I… I’m almost ashamed to admit how much I’ve wanted this. But…” he trailed off.

Rose’s brow furrowed deeply as his words swirled in her head. “But… wait. So we’ve… we’ve never…” Rose stammered, her mind reeling. Of course they had. She’d remembered it. The image of him smiling up at her after having pleasured her… 

“No we haven’t,” he admitted. “Not because I didn’t want to. I just… I was stupid. And scared. There were so many reasons not to. At least I thought so at the time. But I’d been wrong. And now…”

“But… I remember it,” she said incredulously. “You… we were in bed and you… you said… you made a joke about someone named ‘John’,” she started as pain bit at the inside of her skull. 

The expression of surprise on the Doctor’s face with her comment morphed into sadness. “Oh. Well… yeah. That… that wasn’t me, Rose,” he said, his words almost sounding choked as he looked away.

What? “Of course it was! I saw you. It was you an’ me, Doctor,” she insisted. 

Sitting up abruptly, the Doctor climbed from the bed and pulled on his trousers. “It wasn’t, Rose,” he said, still avoiding her eyes. “It was him. It was… it was the other man I’ve been talking about. He’s the one you were with before they captured you and brought you here,” he said, his voice tight and his body tense. 

Rose’s mind reeled even as the meaning of his words set fire to her brain. Clasping the sides her head she squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to push back against the pain building in her skull and the bile rising in her throat.

“Rose!” she heard the Doctor cry before she felt his strong arms around her shoulders. “Take deep breaths,” he coached. “Think about… think about the mountains. The suns-set,” he added. 

Trying to do as he instructed, she made herself recall the terrain as she’d crossed it - rocky and uneven, but truly beautiful. She focused on the movement of the swaying grass in the moonlight that had looked like waves on the ocean and the distant mountains that had loomed majestically ahead. It had been gorgeous and frightening all at once.

“That’s it,” she heard the Doctor say softly, his hands now more gently holding her. The pain had ebbed. Unfortunately the nausea remained.

Opening her eyes, she looked to him. Sadness still filled his own making her ache inside. “I think we’d better go get your memories back properly, yeah?” he suggested. 

Watching his beautiful features being marred by sorrow, she made up her mind. “No.”

The Doctor blinked. “What?” he asked, clearly not sure he’d heard correctly.

“No. I don’t want to. I don’t want to remember,” she elaborated. The Doctor seemed about to argue, but she cut him off, “I love _you_ , Doctor. I might’ve had another life before this, but it’s _you_ I want to spend the rest of it with. You’re the one who saved me. You’re the one who was willing to give up everything for me. I owe you my life, Doctor. I love you. I’m not going to change my mind about that, no matter what I remember,” she insisted.

His expression softened then. “And I… I feel the same way about you, Rose. And I will no matter what you remember. But we can’t be together… not really… until you know what you’re choosing. You may not remember where you were meant to be, but _I’ll_ know. I’ll know that you might’ve wanted to be somewhere else… with someone else… if you’d have known your past. And that knowledge would kill me, Rose. Do you see?” he finished.

His words took her aback. He’d really thought about this. And damn it… she understood where he was coming from. She supposed if their roles were reversed and he’d forgotten who he really was, she’d want him to choose her with the full knowledge of what his choices were. 

“Alright,” she conceded. “But this isn’t gonna change my mind,” she cautioned him. “I’m gonna stay with you forever, yeah? So get used to the idea,” she warned.

A sad smile played on his lips then. He didn’t fully believe her. Well… she’d just have to prove it to him.

 

OoOoOoOoO

 

The Doctor and Rose trudged along the hallway to the infirmary; the Doctor’s hearts heavy with the sadness about to take them hostage. He wasn’t completely positive Rose would hate him after regaining her memories, but he _was_ completely positive what her choice would be in terms of staying with him or going back to his ‘brother’. She’d had memories of him. Them. In bed. It was clear they’d moved their relationship far beyond the platonic. She’d committed herself to his clone. He knew it. And soon she would too. 

As they neared the infirmary door, though, the TARDIS sent him an urgent mental alert and he stopped short making Rose bump into him. “What?” she asked, clearly surprised by their sudden stall. 

“Come on!” was all he gave her as a reply as he whirled them around to pull her urgently toward the console room. The monitor was flashing, indicating an incoming message. Pressing the appropriate buttons, he activated the screen. 

“Doctor!” It was Romana.

“Romana - what’s going on?” he demanded, the urgency in her tone making him nearly shout. 

“It’s the President, Doctor. She and the Castellan have ordered the destruction of all the humans on the planet,” her worried voice informed him even as her image broke and reformed itself repeatedly as the TARDIS attempted to maintain the signal.

“What?!” he breathed.

“They’ve arrested Captain Rula and a number of our supporters,” she added. 

“WHAT?!” he barked before swallowing his anger and collecting himself. This was no time to fly off the handle. He needed to think. Pacing back and forth for a moment as Romana continued explaining the state of the government at the moment, he addressed the monitor again. “I’m on my way, Romana. I’m going to drop Rose off and then I’ll be on my way. Hang tight,” he advised.

“No, Doctor! You can’t come back. They’re looking for your TARDIS. The minute you come anywhere near the planet you'll be destroyed,” she explained. “Besides… I have a plan.”

Leaning over the console to get even closer to the screen, the Doctor said, “What is it? How can I help?”

Romana paused then for a moment, her face betraying her resolve. “Remember how you described the events that led to your freeing of Gallifrey? Back on Earth when Lode killed Rassilon?” she broached.

The Doctor’s jaw dropped. No. Nonononono…. “No, Romana. You can’t! What if it doesn’t work? And even if I can reverse it in the future, there’s an incredibly massive chance the planet won’t withstand the stress of being put through it again!” he insisted.

Shaking her head a bit, Romana replied, “There’s no choice, Doctor. This isn’t just about Gallifrey,” she said sadly. “You know what they want to do. Overtake and rule. We won’t be able to protect the entire universe from an army of Time Lords, Doctor. You know it and I know it,” she observed stoically.

Shaking his head, he reiterated, “No, Romana. I won’t let you do this. You can’t. I’ve… I’ve lived through the guilt of surviving such a decision and I can’t let you take that on,” he informed her even as the shadow of an oncoming fixed point hovered in the air around them.

Her image on the screen, even as broken as it was by static, still managed to portray her feelings about his proclamation as she shook her head in slight condescension. “This isn’t about you, Doctor. This is so much bigger than you or I. They’re talking about dealing with Earth first. About destroying humanity as a message to you and all Time Lords who dare to stand in their way,” she said, letting the message sink in. 

The Doctor felt his hearts sink. Earth. They were planning to go after Earth… all because of him. 

“So you see, Doctor… there really is no choice. Now make sure you’re deep in the vortex, alright. Do that for me. And if there’s a time you ever think we can be retrieved without harm to the other creatures of the universe, then, and only then, figure out a way to release us,” she instructed.

“Romana… no! Please… there must be another way,” he entreated.

“Good-bye, Doctor.” And with that the monitor went dead. “ROMANA!” he shouted fruitlessly. 

“Doctor - what’s she gonna do?” Rose’s worried voice interrupted his lament. 

“She’s… she’s gonna put them back. She’s found a way to send them back into the Time Lock. But she can’t!” he yelled before letting his worry propel him around the console to hurriedly throw levers and spin dials. “The planet will be thrown back into the depth of the Time War inside the lock! People… my people will relive the war again… and even _they_ don’t deserve that. Not all of them, anyway. And what if I can’t ever free them without basically imploding the planet?! And that’s probably what would happen. A planet can’t be put through such stress and keep coming through it unscathed. There’s a very good chance Gallifrey won’t survive another attempt to retrieve it. I’ve got to stop her!” he said in a tirade even as the TARDIS lurched into movement. 

A claxon began sounding deep within the bowels of the ship and a mauve light pulsed, plunging the console room in a bath of purple light. “What is it?! What’s happening?” Rose shouted over the noise. 

“The TARDIS doesn’t want to get closer to Gallifrey, she’s…”

And that’s when a booming wave hit the ship throwing them both to the ground as the TARDIS tumbled through the vortex. “Doctor!” Rose shouted from somewhere to his left. 

“Hang on to something, Rose!” he shouted back. 

The claxons continued booming and he found himself being tossed over the grating of the floor haphazardly for what seemed like ages before he finally landed unceremoniously on his back near a coral strut and the ship fell silent. 

A groan of pain issued from somewhere across the room. “Rose! Are you alright?” he shouted, climbing to his feet.

A louder groan found his ears and then he heard the unmistakable sound of retching. “Rose?” he said again, finding his feet. 

“Yeah - ‘M fine,” a weak voice sounded from across the room after a moment. “Jus’... a bit seasick.” He found her shakily rising from the floor near the jump seat where she’d clearly left her proverbial lunch. Torn between wanting to nurse her and needing to check for Romana, she decided for him. “Go. Find out what happened,” she encouraged gently pushing him toward the console as she dragged herself up to sit on the jump seat. He didn’t need to be told twice. He moved quickly to the console and pulled up an image of Kasterborous. _’Please be there… please…’_. 

But even as he mentally prayed he knew what the screen would show. And it did. There was nothing. There was only empty space where Gallifrey had been. 

For a moment he simply stood there, his eyes plastered to the monitor, hoping he was dreaming. But the moment stretched and stretched and after a few more stretches he felt Rose’s hand take his. “Is it…”

Still staring, he heard himself say, “It’s gone.”


	20. Sick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay - hang in there people. Do it for our babies...

### 

Rose sat in the galley nursing a mug of cooling chicken noodle soup and worrying about her Time Lord. After the horrible revelation, she’d watched the Doctor stand transfixed, staring at the screen displaying nothing but the dark, empty space where his planet used to be. He looked - lost. Finally, after more than a few minutes just standing there with her fingers laced through his, she felt she had to take matters into her own hands and she gently led the him away from the monitor and through the halls of his TARDIS. She’d had no idea where to take him, having never explored his ship before, but she did recall where his bedroom was, so that’s where they ended up. 

She’d helped him remove his converse and jacket and had encouraged him to lay on the bed. He did so without a word. She sat with him for a while, but after a few minutes his TARDIS turned the lights down and she took that as a hint. He needed rest. 

Part of her had wanted to resist the TARDIS’ suggestion that she leave, but another part of her had to admit that she was beginning to feel rather poorly now. She really needed to get some food into her stomach if she could, and a paracetamol would probably do her good as well. 

Laying her hand in reassurance on his arm, she leaned in to plant a kiss on his shoulder before retreating from the room and heading to the galley. 

She’d managed to find some instant soup in the TARDIS’ cupboards and proceeded to boil up some water for it. She was finding it chilly in the kitchen and welcomed the feel of the warm steam on her face as the water finally came to a boil. Pouring it into a large cup, she settled herself into a chair at the table and pulled her knees up to her chest before cupping the hot mug between her cold hands. 

The first few sips slid down nicely, warming her insides, and she relished the feeling. She’d been so cold on the mountainside and the chill she felt now was almost reminiscent. Why was it so cold in here?

She managed at least half the mug before her stomach began to protest. Deciding she’d better heed its warning, she stopped drinking the broth and simply held the cup to nurse the warmth of it.

Now alone with her thoughts, she sat there considering what she could possibly do to help the Doctor. Gallifrey was gone… there was literally nothing she could do about that. The Doctor had checked out for the moment, and really, it seemed his ship thought he needed to be alone for a bit. As much as she wished she could just hold him, the TARDIS probably had a point. He needed to process all this. 

That left her here to worry.   
Sighing, she stood slowly so as not to annoy her equilibrium, emptied her cold soup into the sink and put the mug on the counter. Maybe she should go find somewhere to lie down. Her head was beginning to feel a bit fuzzy and a little kip sounded like a brilliant idea right about now. The Doctor would be out for a bit, she suspected, and maybe a sleep would help her fight this cold or whatever it was she seemed to be fighting.

So, with that in mind, she left the kitchen and headed down the hallway. She thought about going back to the Doctor’s room, but decided against it. She didn’t want to disturb him. On top of that, she wasn’t altogether sure she was going to keep her lunch down and the last thing she wanted was to barf on the man she’d just professed her love to. 

Unsure which room might hold another bed, she opened the first one on her right. What she found made her jaw drop. It was a massive library with a huge fireplace and a number of plush, inviting chairs and couches organized in little clusters, each invitingly lit. Beyond the sitting spaces there were rows upon rows of book shelves, each stocked with more reading material than she’d get through in a lifetime. The entire place was breathtaking, but it definitely didn’t contain a bed. 

Closing the door, she moved on to the next room. This one was a media room of some sort. A large screen adorned one wall and in front of it sat a cushy looking couch and a couple of overstuffed chairs. Hmmm. She wondered if she and the Doctor had ever cuddled on that couch. She imagined they probably had. But then…

A dull ache played at the back of her skull as she recalled his earlier comment. _“That wasn’t me, Rose,”_ he’d said. But how could it not have been? The man in her dream was _him_. Surely if she was remembering she wouldn’t be able to change the other man’s face to his in her memory. A memory is just that. Something you’d lived through. And it was definitely him in the memory. 

Her head ached and her stomach rolled as she considered why he might lie to her about this. Maybe he was trying to push her away to protect himself? Was he trying to convince her she should stay away from him just in case, after she got her real memories back, she decided to leave him? Something inside her felt there was probably some truth in the idea. He seemed to be the kind of person who would keep people at arm’s length just to protect his hearts. 

Closing the media room door, she took a steadying breath. Thinking about this made her head ache and that was the last thing she needed. The nausea and chill were bad enough. She needed to lie down… she felt so rubbish. Plodding ahead, she moved to the next room. The door swung open to reveal a very pink bedroom. 

Almost instantly, Rose’s head began pounding. Oh god! This… this was _her_ room! Clothes were strewn on the floor, and the bed, with its very pink duvet, was unmade. Framed photos decorated most of the available surfaces in the room. One of her and… oh, god…that had to be her Mum! Her Mum… how could she have forgotten her Mum? Another one of her and a blue eyed, tall stranger… no… not stranger… She cupped her hands around her ears trying to focus on the picture even as pain dug into her brain. It wasn’t a stranger. It was _him_. It was her Doctor. Squeezing her eyes shut, she shook her head to try to dislodge the pain that had now taken refuge there. Backing out of the room, she took deep, gulping breaths. Her room. So she _had_ been here with him. Not with some ‘other man’, as he’d said. 

Pain continued to pulse through her mind as she continued backing away from the bedroom. This was ridiculous! She had to remember and she had to remember _now_. She couldn’t stand this pain anymore. Memories seemed to be everywhere, and the thought of running into anymore of them… she honestly didn’t think she could handle another head splitting assault. The nausea and fever were bad enough, but she didn’t have to live another hour with a the possibility of being assaulted with a headache so bad that it threatened to make her pass out every time she had one.

Right. It was decided then. Turning, she hurried down the corridor in search of the room the Doctor had been heading to with her before he got the message from his friend on Gallifrey. 

Surprisingly, the infirmary door was the next one she came to and she opened it to find a large shiney operating theatre with two different ‘beds’ available for patients. The first was a plain old doctor’s examination type of table, but the second was a full on gurney surrounded by shiney metal stands and an assortment of what were probably operating tools. 

For a moment she simply held her aching head as she stood looking around at the impressive space. Suddenly a tinny version of the Doctor’s voice spoke up from across the room making her nearly jump out of her skin. 

“Hello!” the hologram waved, wearing a large grin. “I expect you’re here because I’m not around and you need medical assistance of some kind. Weeellll, clearly it would be better if you had the real me here, so if you can manage it, go get me. Go on, then,” the hologram Time Lord said with a punctuating ‘shoo-ing’ gesture. His image seemed to freeze then. 

“Er… I can’t. He’s… You’re…” she began.

Reanimating, the hologram interrupted, “Since you’re still here, I’ll assume you can’t manage it, or that your medical question is of a very personal nature, and we’ll proceed,” he said quirking an eyebrow. “Don’t worry,” he added conspiratorially, “I won’t tell me why you’ve come,” he winked.

“Doctor… I,” she started before the see-through Time Lord spoke again. 

“By the way, I can’t interact with you, but I will walk you through some basic tests were can do to find out what’s wrong and then try to fix it,” he shared. 

“Right. Would’ve been nice if you’d told me you can’t answer me straight off,” she said crankily, apparently to herself, as the hologram clearly wasn’t listening. 

“Now. Jump up on the first table and the TARDIS will do a scan of your systems,” he instructed. Moving to the first bed, she climbed up on it and lay back as directed, trying to ignore the residual pain in her head. The table was cool under her making her shiver despite the fact she was wearing some comfy warm jimjams that the TARDIS had deposited in the Doctor’s room for her earlier. In moments she heard a quiet whirring buzz fill the air around her. In seconds it was over.

“Right. Okay - that’s not good,” the hologram Doctor tsked. “The TARDIS has discovered a problem that has the potential to impact your health. Please see the screen to your right.” 

Turning her head she spotted a rather large screen on the wall. It sported a close-up x-ray type of shot of the pin in her chest. The image of it made her gasp. It seemed the part of the pin she could actually see under her skin was only the tip of the iceberg. Under that the device seemed to sprout roots that wrapped around her heart and threaded down and around other organs as well. 

“Given the potential severity of the problem, I’m afraid the issue of your privacy has been put aside and the TARDIS has summoned the Doctor. So relax for a tic while he makes his way here.” With that, the hologram disappeared.

“What?! No!” That’s not what she wanted. The last thing he needed right now was to worry about her. He had enough on his mind at the moment.

She was already sitting up and about to swing her legs over the side of the table when the Doctor dashed into the room. “Rose!” he said, alarmed, looking about the room for a potential threat. “Are you alright?”

Rose felt herself blush with the unwanted attention. “Yeah, ‘M sorry, Doctor. I really didn’t want to bother you with anything right now. I just came in here to, uh… well, it’s not important right now. Anyway, the TARDIS decided to call you. ‘M sorry. Let’s just… you should probably rest,” she said, climbing off the bed. 

As she stood, though, she found herself suddenly boneless. “Oi!” the Doctor exclaimed, jumping to support her as her legs gave out beneath her. “It seems you’re the one who should be resting,” he observed, effortlessly lifting her back onto the bed. “Clearly something’s very wrong, Rose. If the TARDIS called me she had a good reason,” he said, looking around the room. 

Rose’s stomach rolled and this time she didn’t bother trying to lay still. Turning onto her side she pulled her knees up, closed her eyes, and tried to take deep breaths. 

“Rassilon,” she heard the Doctor whisper.

Opening her eyes again, she found him staring at the x-ray-like image on the wall. “The TARDIS was right to warn me. We’ve got to get that thing out of you. Now,” he said seriously, quickly moving over to her.

“Wait - Why? What’s wrong?” she asked as he slid his arms under her to lift her again. Swinging her up and off the bed he transferred her effortlessly to the larger table. Alarmed by her new location and his sudden serious tone, she said worriedly, “I thought it wasn’t working anymore.” 

The Doctor ignored her as he urgently rummaged through drawers in the large cabinet beside the bed, pulling out a syringe and a rather imposing looking handheld metal device. Rose suddenly found her heart racing. “Doctor - what’s going on?”

For a moment she wasn’t sure he was going to answer her, but finally he said, “There’s… there’s a leak.” He paused then for a moment, seemingly collecting his thoughts. “The pin has… I managed to disarm it from releasing the toxins all at once, but it seems once it was disarmed the toxins were set to release slowly. You’re being poisoned. Right now. We have to neutralize the poison that’s already been released into your system and get the pin out of you as fast we can,” he said, matter-of-factly.

Rose’s mind whirled. But…

“Lie still, Rose,” he directed, sliding a large machine over from the wall above to hover over her middle. “This won’t hurt.”

A loud buzz sounded from the machine he held over her but she stayed still as instructed. “Oh gods,” she heard the Doctor whisper. Then, “Can you give me your arm?” 

Looking up at him, she unfurled her arm and let him have access to it. In moments she felt a distinct pinch. “Oi!” 

“Sorry,” he said lowly before applying pressure and a plaster. 

“Doctor…”

“You’ll be out in a minute. Take deep breaths,” he advised, now holding her hand.

“I… If I I don’t make it...” 

“Hey… enough of that,” he admonished lightly, patting her hand. “You’ll be awake again before you know it,” he assured her. “Now breathe deeply and think about the mountains,” he supplied.

She couldn’t. The Doctor’s worried visage was all she could envision when she closed her eyes. It wasn’t long, though, before the drugs started to take effect and the world began to distance itself. 

“That’s it, Rose. Sleep,” he told her.

She did.


	21. Realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting again because I'm ahead of schedule for a change! Yay! An early Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Holiday gift for you all. Only a couple more chapters to go, friends!

### 

Cotton. That’s what it felt like her mouth was stuffed with. Smacking her tongue against her palate, she tried to wet the inside of the mouth with little success. Fuck. Had she and the Doctor done those bloody Frolian whiskey shooters again last night? For god’s sake - you think she would’ve learned her lesson last time around. 

Smacking her lips again, she tried to roll over, only to be jarred wide awake by a sharp pain that rippled through her chest and belly. Her eyes flew open with a startled gasp.

Bright lights met her eyes. Where was she? This wasn’t home. A soft hand gripped her arms to reposition her on her back. “Shhhh. It’s okay, Rose. You’re going to be alright,” the Doctor’s voice informed her, smoothing her hair back. His presence immediately calmed her and she turned her head to find his concerned eyes regarding her warily. “The, uh… the device is gone and the toxins have been neutralized. You’re going to be fine,” he shared, pulling his hand away to nervously scratch the back of his neck. 

Device? What toxins? Fuzzy thoughts of blue lights and nausea suddenly accosted her. What?

“I, um… with the TARDIS’ help I was able to remove the memory barrier the Castellan had erected without disturbing your new memories, but it all might be a muddled for a bit,” he explained.

The TARDIS?! Immediately looking around her, she realized where she was. Dear God. She was on the TARDIS! 

The implication punched her square in the jaw. This wasn’t her Doctor. This was… this was…

A barrage of memories rolled over her as if the sudden knowledge of her location had released them from behind a flood gate. 

The Castellan. Gallifrey. The cold wind and red grass. The Doctor. Memory after memory flashed before her, pulling the breath from her lungs. 

“Rose?” the Doctor’s concerned voice tried to intrude on the barrage of visions still accosting her from all sides. Crippling pain. The President’s furious expression as she loomed over her. The Captain carrying her. The Doctor… the Doctor’s lips on hers. The Doctor’s hands… body… covering her… saving her…

A sharp intake of breath saved her from passing out from lack of oxygen. The Doctor. _This_ Doctor. 

“Rose?”

Her eyes refocused on his as memories continued pouring into place. “Doctor?”

“Yeah,” he answered.

“It’s you,” she said redundantly, reaching up to run her fingers over his cheek. His lips. It was really, really him. Him.

“Yeah,” he repeated, his expression a mixture of affection and sadness.

“But… how? I thought…”

“It was the Time Lords. When I… when Gallifrey was removed from the time lock the ability to travel between dimensions was restored. The President had you returned here because of me…” he said, guilt rolling off of him in waves.

Suddenly another memory slammed into her with full force. “Oh, my God,” she said. “Doctor! The Doctor!” When they took her, they’d… they’d… “No!” she barked, struggling to sit up. 

Pain ripped through her centre and she gasped, clutching her middle as she continued her attempt to get up. “I have to get back!” she said urgently, trying to slide her legs over the side of the gurney. “I have to help him!”

“Rose… you can’t. You have to rest,” he tried to insist, working to keep her seated.

“No! Let me go! Don’t you see? They… I think they may have…” tears sprang to her eyes.

Holding her by the arms he ducked to make his eyes level with hers and held her gaze. “You can’t, Rose. I can’t bring you back.”

“What?! Why?!” she barked. “I have to see him! I have to make sure he’s alright!” she insisted.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, Rose,” he said, his eyes pained. “It’s Gallifrey. When Romana… when Gallifrey was returned to the Time Lock the ability to cross dimensions went with it,” he said. 

“But… but he needs me,” she heard herself say. This couldn’t be real. She _had_ to get back to him.

The Doctor’s eyes saddened further. “I know he does.”

The defeat in the Time Lord’s eyes was what made it really sink in. She couldn’t go back. She’d never know if he was alright. She’d never be able to tell him again that she loved him. Tears welled and spilled over now unhindered. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” the Doctor said, finally letting go of her arms. 

She felt numb. Sliding her legs back up onto the gurney, she hissed a breath out as she lay back down. The man she’d promised herself to could be hurt. He could be dead. He could be fine and worried sick for her. He could be calling out for her as he lay dying on the floor of their bedroom. Horrid scenarios continued to play in her head as she stared up at the ceiling, tears trickling down into her hair. Any of them could be happening right now and she’d never know.

 

OoOoOoOoO

 

The Doctor paced the corridor outside the infirmary while Rose slept. The TARDIS had nudged him to give her a sedative after she’d essentially shut down in front of him and he’d taken his wise ship’s advice. Physically Rose needed to heal and the trauma of learning about the reality of her situation wasn’t helping. She’d not even flinched when he inserted the needle and the calming medication slid into her bloodstream. He’d sat there beside the gurney, watching but not touching her, until finally her eyes slid closed. 

Now, as he paced, he considered his next steps. Gallifrey was gone. There was literally no way to get her back to the man she really loved. The thought made him ache. He knew how she felt… he’d lived it for years. The thought of her having to live it now made him hurt inside. What made him hurt even more was the knowledge that she was stuck with him. And not because she wanted to be. Stuck with him… there was a time it might not have been so bad. Now though - now she would never want it. Not when the man who had been able to give him all of himself was in a whole other universe and she was left with second best. She didn’t even have her mum to return to here. All she had was him. This universe had written her off as dead a long time ago. So she was sort of stuck with him...having to look at the face of her lost lover, day after day, knowing he wasn’t really him.

At least when he’d lost her to the other universe he’d been pretty certain she’d end up happy. At least he was able to pretend. For Rose there would be no such consolation when she thought of the man she’d lost. The best case scenario had the other Doctor alive and healthy, but alone and terrified for her. The worst case scenario… well, why think of it. In any case, there was really no possible scenario in which Rose’s other Doctor was happy. And it would be so much worse wondering forever if he was suffering or dead. 

Then it came to him. He couldn’t bring her back, but he could give her the next best thing. Closure. 

 

OoOoOoOoOoO

 

Rose stood in her bathroom with her toothbrush in hand, simply staring at her reflection. It had been almost two weeks since her surgery and practically just as long since she’d spoken to the Doctor. Not that he hadn’t been available. He had. In fact, early on he’d continued bringing her meals and checking her vitals, but his attempts at conversation had been met by her silence and after a while he’d given up trying. 

At first she hadn’t responded simply because she couldn’t muster the will. She felt hollow and empty and his voice made her ache for the man she spent day and night worried for. After a while, though, she realized she wasn’t answering for a very different reason. She was angry. Angry with him for leaving her and the Doctor on the beach that day. Angry with him for running away from her like a coward. Her anger even spread to things he really wasn’t responsible for. Her abduction from Pete’s world. The abuse she’d suffered at the hands of the Castellan. The fact that she’d cheated on her Doctor. 

It had taken her a number of days living with the anger before deciding she had to confront it in herself. He didn’t deserve it. Not all of it. Yes - he was a prat for having left her and the Doctor in Pete’s world without so much as asking what _she_ wanted. He was a coward, and he knew it. Admitted it to her. How could she hold that against him now that she knew how much he regretted it?

And the rest of it… of course she knew none of that was on him. He had been a handy target for her pent up anger and grief. Even as much as she wanted to blame him for her infidelity… she couldn’t. She’d begged him. Promised him anonymity. And he’d acquiesced because he loved her. 

He loved her.

That very thought was the one that now spun through her head as she stared at her hallowed expression in the bathroom mirror.

He’d said it. Out loud. The Time Lord...this man who had never ever let those words escape him… had finally said them aloud. Three separate times now. Once publicly, once after literally saving her life, and once after saving her spiritually. They were words she’d resigned herself to never hear from him. And that’s what made them so incredibly special coming from his twin who had been the first to utter them. 

But they were one man, weren’t they? Back then. They were cut from the same cloth and had identical lives in their minds. They both felt the same way for her and she now knew the only thing holding back _this_ man from saying so was his misplaced feeling of responsibility for her happiness. He’d been so sure he couldn’t give her what she must have wanted. So much so that he’d sacrificed his own happiness for hers. What a prat, she thought, shaking her head. If he only knew. Still… she wouldn’t have sacrificed her time with her part-human Doctor for anything. They’d been happy. More than. This Doctor, for all his prattiness, had assumed correctly that his alternate self would be there for her. That he’d make her smile and stick with her on the slow path. And he had. It hadn’t been easy for him, but he had. And she loved him for it. So much. She always would. 

That didn’t mean that _this_ Doctor had to do without, did it? She loved him. Both of him. The human him and the Time Lord him. And this man had finally, _finally_ admitted what she’d longed to hear years ago. He loved her too.

Now, after all these days of silence, she knew what she needed to do. She had to find the man she loved in every form she ever knew him in and talk to him. Really talk. 

But first… she was going to shower and actually get dressed for the first time since her surgery. Dressing, not showering, that is. She’d not bothered dawning anything but pjs since she’d woken, mostly because there really seemed to be no point. It wasn’t like she was looking for company and jimjams served her well while she was recovering. Now though, it was time to face reality.

Clean and fully dressed, she left her room and headed down the corridor toward the console room. It was as good a spot to start looking for him as any. On her way toward her destination, however, she heard tuneless humming coming from the galley. Peeking in, she found her Time Lord standing beside the counter, studying the toaster. 

“Penny for ‘em?” she said, after gathering the courage to speak up. 

The Doctor startled a bit with the sound of her voice. No wonder. It had been days since he’d heard it. 

“Oh, uh… yeah. I mean - no. Nothing. Just making toast. You know. Same old,” he said, shrugging a bit sheepishly.

Her heart warmed. “Yeah. Same old,” she agreed, remembering him in the kitchen back on Gallifrey. 

“You, uh… you feeling better? Your chest?” he asked, his gaze dropping involuntarily to her bosom. 

A blush spread across her cheeks along with a smile. “Yeah. Much, thanks,” she answered. He’d been such a doting caregiver and she’d given him nothing but silence as payment. It was a wonder he hadn’t given up on her entirely.

Moving further into the kitchen, she shuffled over to put on the kettle for tea. “Want some?” she asked, trying to sound casual, as if this was the sort of light interaction they’d been having regularly of late. 

“Uh, yeah. Sure. Thanks,” he said. For a few dragged out moments they both stood awkwardly, in their respective spots. Finally the toaster ‘pinged’ and the Doctor jumped to retrieve his hot bread. “Er… want some toast?” he asked, clearly unsure exactly what else to say. 

Her tongue snuck out between her teeth for a moment before she answered, “No thanks. ‘M good with the tea,” she shared, popping a tea bag into the pot and adding the now boiled water. “Besides, I think I’m a bit ‘toasted out’ after Gallifrey, to be honest,” she smiled up at him. 

The smile seemed to be what he needed to see and Rose watched as some of the tension in his shoulders eased. 

“Listen, Rose, I…”  
“Doctor, I think we should…” they both said simultaneously. 

They both released a bit of nervous laughter with their shared verbal blurting. “You first,” the Doctor said after a moment, gesturing for her to continue. 

“Okay. I just wanted to say… thank-you. For taking care of me even though I was so… distant.” The Doctor seemed about to interject when she continued, “No, really Doctor, let me say this. I… I’m heartbroken. And I’m so, so scared,” For a moment she paused, feeling emotion swell her throat. Pushing past it, she continued, “I’m terrified for him. I’m terrified he’s dead. I’m terrified he’s alive and suffering. And my heart breaks thinking he might be just as terrified for me,” she admitted, feeling the sting of tears in her eyes yet again. “It’s like watching the TARDIS dematerialize off of that beach all over again,” she said. 

The Doctor’s eyes widened the smallest bit with the statement. Aha. He’d had no idea. The big lump had no idea at all. Moving a bit closer, she purposefully held his gaze as she shook her head. “I was so scared for you, you know. Well, first I was angry. And hurt. But then I was worried. The Doctor told me about Donna, you know. About what you would have to do. And I knew it would kill you. And that you’d be alone again. And you’re rubbish alone, aren’t you,” she said. It was a statement, not a question. “I knew you’d be horrified and feeling guilty and you’d be out there without anyone to keep you safe,” she explained. “So, yeah. This is like living through that all over again. And it’s awful. Because I love you. All of you… every single version.”

The Doctor’s troubled eyes gazed back into her own. “But… what I did,” he started.

“What you did was save me, Doctor. You’re not responsible for what the Time Lords did to me. You didn’t cross the void to abduct me or to hurt the Doctor. You were willing to give up everything for me. Things I would never want you to ever sacrifice for me, but you were ready to. And when I asked you to,” she swallowed, dropping her eyes from his as guilt welled in her, “... when I asked you to make love to me, you did. Even though I know you didn’t feel right doing it. I know you did it for me,” she assured him. 

“Rose…”

“I love you, Doctor,” she admitted, raising her eyes to his again. “I have done since you told me to run back when we were in the basement of Henrik’s. But now there are two of you, and my heart is broken for the you that I’ve lost as much as it’s healing because of the you that is standing here with me.”

The Doctor’s concerned eyes bored into hers for a moment before he said softly, “Come here.” Reaching out, he pulled her into an encompassing embrace. 

Snaking her arms around his slim waist, she grasped the back of his jacket in her fists and let the tears fall. 

“Shhhh,” he whispered, bringing a hand up to stroke the back of her head as he held her. 

Tears continued and soon became accompanied by sobs that increased in volume until she could barely believe they were coming from her own body. She felt strangely detached from the intense grief and the breathless, wracked body the Doctor held so tightly. But all through it she relished his quiet murmurs of support and his continuous embrace. 

Many minutes passed before she finally pulled back a bit, dropping her gaze to hide the mascara tinged tears on her cheeks. “‘M sorry,” she hiccuped, realizing she’d messed his jacket with her tearful waterfall and dripping nose. 

Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a tissue and handed it to her. “Nonsense. A jacket’s not broken in unless it’s been cried on, I say,” he said with a small smile. “And anyway… what sort of bloke would I be if I let my significant other cry all by herself, hmmm?” he said. He was trying to sound off the cuff, but the underlying meaning shone brightly through. 

Looking up at him, she studied his eyes for a moment before he broke the silence. “I love you, Rose Tyler.” 

The air stilled in her lungs with his candid words. As much as she’d already heard _this_ him say them, this was the first time since she got her memories back. Knowing the context of them made them that much more meaningful. 

Clearly rallying himself to continue, he added, “It’s been years for me. Years of missing you. I can’t pretend to understand what you’re feeling right now, but I know that if you ever think… that is, if you think you could ever, uh…” he trailed off.

Rose felt a surge of affection well up in her for this man. Sharing his feelings had never been a strong suit for him. Either of him. But she knew from experience with her other Doctor that once the floodgates were open, he would only continue to get better at sharing them with her. That thought made her both happy and empty at the same time. “I think maybe one day, Doctor,” she said, a sad smile ghosting over her features as she reached down to take his hand in hers. “But it may be a while. I just… as much as I know you’re the same man, I need to grieve him. I need to come to terms with losing him. And I just don’t know how long that will take,” she admitted.

“Right. Of course,” he said, quickly averting his gaze before backing away slightly. “I shouldn’t… you need time,” he submitted. 

A truly loving smile found her lips then. “Yeah. But it won’t be forever,” she said, looking down at the hand still encased by her own.

He stilled then and gently took her chin in his free hand to lift her gaze to his. “Take all the time in the universe, Rose. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

“I hope so,” she said. And she meant it.


	22. No Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go, my friends! Thank-you for taking the time to follow this fic and for all the incredible comments and support. I have the best readers in the world!
> 
> Sadly, though, that didn't stop my muse from inspiring this chapter. Don't hate me. *Muse runs to hide*

### 

A number of weeks passed and, ever so slowly, the Doctor watched Rose begin to come alive again. At first the steps were little. She’d emerge from her room at least once daily, her eyes clearly puffy from crying, but she had obviously showered and had made the effort to dress. She began to eat a bit more than she’d been doing, which was a great relief to him, as he’d watched his pink and yellow girl drop pound after pound at first, which had him much more worried than he’d let on. 

A couple of weeks later she showed up in the console room while he worked on his calculations and announced that she wanted to check out a new planet. Somewhere she’d never been. The Doctor had been more than happy to oblige and had flown her directly to Bl:oko where he meant to take her out for a nice meal only have them intercept a gang of traders in the middle of a psychic exploitation scam. It had been one of their classic trips, with Rose working out her running legs and the Doctor tugging her along frantically as they thwarted the trade and exposed the traders for what they were. It was a triumphant day all around. 

After that he watched her come out of her shell even more, with smiles coming more and more easily and every once in a while a full laugh would escape her, seemingly surprising even her. It was a true relief. All of it. 

But it wasn’t enough. She needed to know. She needed to find out what became of the man she loved. When he’d left her with his clone he’d never worried in such a way because he knew his other self would cherish her and love her as much as he did. But if that hadn’t been the case, and he’d have had to live with the never ending uncertainty, he would surely have gone mad. So as much as he’d hummed and hawed over whether doing this was a good idea, he’d known as soon as he’d thought of it that this was the only way she could ever possibly move on. She needed to find out one way or the other what happened when she was taken from him and the other universe.

Looking down at his scribbles he let out a large breath. This was it. The calculations were done. Now it was just a matter of making it happen. Standing, he laid the sheet of calculations on the console and began plugging in the information the TARDIS would need to to help him help Rose.

“Penny for ‘em?” Rose’s voice interrupted his musing. It seemed to be her new way of greeting him lately. Looking up he found Rose throwing him a soft smile as she approached the console. 

“Only a penny? Rose Tyler, I’ll have you know any single thought coming from this considerable cranium is worth a good site more than a mere penny,” he huffed exaggeratedly.

Rose rolled her eyes good naturedly, making him smile. “Fine. Fifty p then?“ she tried.

“Deal!” he grinned. “Just inputting some important calculations into the TARDIS here,” he said, typing the last few digits in before pulling his hand away with a flourish. “Done!”

“Where are we going?” Rose asked, clearly curious as to his intentions. 

Standing tall, he turned toward her and took a large breath in only to let it out again. “Do you remember when you were stuck in Pete’s world the first time and I was able to come back to say good-bye?” he finally said, studying her beautiful face.

Rose’s eyes widened. “When you showed up on the beach at Dårlig Ulv Stranden?” she said, clearly astounded.

“It took a while, but I managed to find a spot in the Roajs system where there’s a sort of mushy dimension puddle that Gallifrey’s disappearance left. It’s thin enough that we should be able to shoot a message through it.” he explained. “And luckily there’s a star going supernova nearby that we can use to…”

“Wait,” Rose interrupted. “Does that mean… Doctor, do you think we could get through it? In the TARDIS?” she said, her entire body tense with anticipation.

“It’s not the sort of hole you could get the TARDIS through,” he answered sadly, watching her face fall in disappointment. “I’m sorry.”

Rose nodded, her eyes distant. A distinct twinge of melancholy encased his hearts. If she could get back to him she would. She’d leave _this_ him in a heartbeat if she had the opportunity, it seemed. Which, really, how could he ever fault her for that? He couldn’t. 

So, clearing his throat he said, “I _can_ help you talk to him, though. Just give me a tic to get us where we need to be.” Moving around the console he threw the lever that activated the dematerialisation circuit and the TARDIS’ time rotor began its movement, indicating they were on their way. 

Taking a step back from the console he stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked up at the pulsing rotor, trying to look nonchalant. This was much harder for him that he thought it was going to be. Then again, bringing the woman you love to see the man she’d rather be with was hardly an ideal situation.

Hands slid around his middle from behind then, intruding on his melancholy. “Thank-you,” Rose’s voice floated up to him as her cheek pressed against his back. 

Wrapping his hands around hers as they squeezed his middle, he said, “Anything for my human.” It was a little cheeky saying he’d begun using to refer to her as he took care of her while she was healing from the wounds the Time Lords had given her. It was an acknowledgment of how they’d ‘re-met’ and a reclaiming of the term from one of ownership to one of cherished affection. At least that’s how he saw it. 

A little giggle vibrated through his jacket from her body as she hugged him from behind. 

Just then the TARDIS signalled their arrival to a spot in space very near the impending supernova. 

“Right,” he said, reluctantly extricating himself from Rose’s embrace. “We’re there.” Dashing around the console, he set up the relay. 

“Okay, Rose. Come over here,” he said, indicating a spot on the other side of the console. Doing as she was bid, she looked to him for further instruction. “Now… just call him. Out loud. The TARDIS will be able to lock in on his signature and transmit your voice to his location, just like I did when I called for you,” he explained.

Nodding her understanding, she licked her lips and closed her eyes. Nervously she pulled at the hem of her shirt as she spoke into the air, “Doctor…” 

“Call him again. Say the name of the beach. He’ll know what it means,” the Doctor instructed, adjusting a few dials to better consolidate the transmission frequencies. 

Clearing her throat, Rose said again, “Doctor… come to the beach. To Dårlig Ulv Stranden. Bad Wolf Bay. Please hear me, Doctor,” she said, her voice soaked with emotion.

Checking the readings, the Doctor took a deep breath. “Right. That should do it. He’ll have gotten it if he’s… I mean, he should’ve heard that,” he said, immediately kicking himself for the near callous comment. 

If Rose noticed, which she surely did, she didn’t seem to be angry with him for it. Sadly, she clearly knew what the outcome of this venture might be. There might be no-one there to meet her when her image formed on the beach.

“What now?” she asked, trying to sound optimistic as she moved to his side.

“Now we jump ahead a few hours and send the signal,” he said, making an effort to sound as hopeful as she did. This was it. They would soon know what came of his twin.

 

OoOoOoOoO

 

The cold wind whipped around him as he ran, his converse digging into the sand beneath his feet as he pushed himself forward; hope and worry warring for dominance in his mind. 

All the way here he’d tempered his excitement. It was likely going to be a projection. Either from his Time Lord equivalent or… dare he hope… Rose. But what if it wasn’t? If the Time Lords were back… and they very clearly were… then there was the very real possibility the TARDIS had come across again. The idea had his stomach flipping with excitement. Rose. 

Of course, Jackie had nearly lost it when he’d told her about the message he’d received. She’d been positive it was Rose returning to them finally after all these years, but he’d been firm in suggesting she stay calm. The possibilities for what they’d find when they got to the beach were many and he knew it would kill her if the news was bad. Who was he kidding. It would kill him. 

In the end, Jackie, Tony and Pete had insisted on coming, but he’d left them in the proverbial dust the moment the car came to a halt.

Ahead lay the very place he’d managed to get them through last time when he’d dropped he and Rose off here. Slowing to a stop, he panted air in and out of his half-human lungs looked around. This was it. The wind had picked up, as it tended to do on this blasted beach, and he felt himself shiver as he scanned the area. 

Suddenly, not three feet from where he stood, a nonspecific flickering image began to form. His heart plummeted. A projection. But of whom? His heart began pounding in his chest. Please, please, please…

The image slowly solidified and he thought he might stop breathing. Before him stood the woman he’d fretted over and cried over and nearly let himself grieve over. It took everything in him to stop from dropping to her feet in relief. She was alive. 

“Doctor!” she cried on seeing him. “Oh my God, Doctor! You’re alive!” Shimmering tears appeared on the projection standing before him and he stepped as close as he could, aching to run his fingers over her cheeks to wipe them. 

“Rose. Gods, Rose… you’re here. You’re alive and you’re alright. Tell me you’re alright,” he practically demanded, emotion nearly choking him.

“I am. I’m alright, Doctor. It’s a long story… it was horrible. The Time Lords… but it’s over now. You saved me. He saved me,” she rephrased. 

Thank the Gods. 

“But what about you? When they took me they hurt you. I heard it,” she said, anxiety clear in her voice.

“Yeah, they did. I was shot. But I recovered and I’m fine now. It took a while though… a lot longer than if I’d had my full Time Lord biology. And it was so much worse wondering where you were - if you were alright. But you weren’t, were you?” he asked, not sure he wanted to have his biggest fears confirmed.

“No,” she admitted. “But I am now. I’m on the TARDIS and I’ll be alright,” she assured him.

“Rose… the Time Lords… they’re gone again, aren’t they.” It was a statement, not a question. If Gallifrey was still a presence in universe prime then Rose would be standing here with him. 

Maybe. 

His heart stuttered with that thought. What if… what if she’d chosen to stay with the full Time Lord version of him rather than come back? Life in the TARDIS, full of adventure instead of day to day with him. The idea broke his heart. 

The image of Rose swallowed thickly. “They were sent back into the Time Lock. They’re gone, Doctor,” she said, sad and resigned. 

That was it then. She hadn’t rejected him. She couldn’t get back. The door that had been opened with Gallifrey’s return had been firmly closed once again. She was lost to him. The hope he’d been tenuously holding on to slipped away. 

“I just…the Doctor said there’s no way to get back,” Rose elaborated, the tears falling anew.

“Yeah,” he nodded sadly before gathering himself together a bit. “But… you’re alive. You’re safe and healthy. That’s all that matters, yeah?” he said, working to keep his emotions behind his assured visage.

“But… what about you? Will you be okay?” she asked, her voice cracking.

“Me? Aw - I’m always okay,” he lied. “Besides, I’ve got your family. Your Mum and Pete. They keep me busy here. Not to mention Tony who’s taken to helping me with preparing the TARDIS for her first flight when she’s ready,” he assured her. 

“Tony’s helping you? Wait - how long has it been?” she asked, her brows furrowing.

“It’s been five years.” He could barely say it out loud. 

“God. Five years? Doctor, I’m so sorry…”

“What about you?” he said, hoping desperately it hadn’t been as long for her. He knew it wouldn’t have been, but he needed to hear it.

“I’m, uh… I’m not sure, to be honest. A year? Maybe? Some of it… it’s a bit of a blur,” she said. She wasn’t telling him something.

“Rose…”

Suddenly Rose looked off to the side. “Alright,” she said sadly to someone out of his view. Him. “We only have another minute or so,” she said, her jaw quivering. “Doctor - I need you to know… please don’t ever ever forget… I love you. I’ll always love you,” she said, the words spilling from her in a torrent. 

He chuckled sadly, now barely able to contain his own tears. “Quite right, too,” he said. An echo of the words he’d said so long ago. This time, though, he wouldn’t let those be his last to the woman who’d saved him over and over. “And I love you, Rose Tyler. With every beat of my heart,” he promised. 

Behind him he heard Jackie, Pete and Tony approach. Time was running out. “But listen to me, Rose. And please do as I ask, because it would kill me knowing you might not. I bloody know you and I know how incredibly stubborn you Tylers can be.” 

Over his shoulder he heard a distinct “Oi” come from a slightly put out Jackie Tyler. 

“Just promise me you’ll go on. Have a fantastic life, yeah? With him? I imagine he hasn’t had an easy time of it without you. I know I haven’t,” he paused, trying to collect himself. “Just… please, Rose. Go on with your life. Please,” he begged. 

She shook her head. “I can’t. I won’t. Not if you don’t promise me the same, Doctor. Please promise me. If you meet someone who could make you happy… please promise me you’ll try. Please,” she begged in turn.

How could he? The only person he’d ever really loved was gone. The same wasn’t true for her. “I promise,” he said anyway. There was no scenario he could imagine himself in in which such a thing could ever come to pass, but he’d promise her if that was the dealbreaker.

A watery smile was the gift she gave him in return. “Thank-you,” she said. “Tell Mum I love her. Give Tony and Pete a hug for me, and I love them too,” she requested. 

“Of course,” he agreed. 

Lifting her hand, Rose held it up as if to touch glass. Mirroring her movement, he did the same. If she’d actually been standing there they’d be touching. 

With that, her image dissolved before him. A lone tear escaped the corner of his eye as he stood staring through the empty space she’d just occupied. Under his breath he uttered the two words he’d prayed he’d never have to say again. “Good-bye, Rose.”


	23. Moving On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! Thank-you to all my incredible readers for following this fic. Your comments and encouragement have been truly appreciated. I know this story hasn't ended like my usual 'everyone ends up happy', but it was as close as I could get without compromising the story, I think. Hope you all forgive this little blip in my usual joyous story endings. If it helps at all, I imagine Tentoo moving on to travel the alternative universe with Tony at his side - showing him everything he would've liked to have shown Rose. :)

### 

The transmission ended with Rose standing staring ahead, tears streaming down her cheeks, her hand held up as if touching someone. And of course she had been.

The TARDIS hummed her sadness through his mind as he watched Rose curl in on herself. Moving as if drawn by a magnet, he found himself beside her wrapping his arms protectively around her pathetic form as her body was wracked with heaving sobs. 

After many minutes, Rose raised her tear streaked face to look into his eyes. “Thank-you,” she nearly whispered. 

“It was the least I could do,” he said. 

Allowing herself to be helped to her feet, the Doctor led Rose to her room and helped her remove her trainers and climb into bed. Surely she’d want to be alone right now. To just let it all sink in. 

Moving to her door he heard, “Don’t go.” Turning, he found her looking at him entreatingly. “Could you… could you maybe just stay with me for a bit?” she asked. 

Anything she wanted. The suns, the moons… anything. 

Toeing off his own trainers, he pulled off his jacket and folded it over the back of the chair by her vanity. Rose pulled back the covers and slid over in the bed giving him room to climb in beside her. Nudging her onto her side he spooned her from behind and wrapped what he hoped was a comforting arm around her. 

As if sensing her occupant’s need to be soothed, the TARDIS dimmed the lights in the room to a third. The Doctor sent her a mental thanks. She always knew what to do to help, it seemed. And Gods knew they both could use some TLC right about now. It went without saying that Rose was heartbroken. The man she wished she could be with was essentially gone and every hope she might have had to have a normal life vanished with him. As for himself...

Nestled against his chest, Rose spoke then, snapping him from his reverie. “This isn’t because I wanted to leave you, you know. I know what you’re thinkin’,” she said, still facing away from him.

His hearts plunged into the ground with her words. Gods… was he that pathetically obvious? “Rose, it’s only right that you’d want to go back. I wouldn’t expect anything else. I’m just sorry I can’t give you that,” he said, actually meaning it in the sense that he knew he was never gonna measure up to his twin in her heart.

Turning over in his arms she leaned up on her elbow. In the dim light he could still make out the redness of her eyes left over from her tears. “Doctor, do you remember what I said a few weeks back… about one day being able to really be with you?”

He nodded. He remembered it well. He’d lived on its promise while at the same time trying not to get his hopes up too high.

“On the beach… he told me…” her voice caught then, but she cleared her throat before finishing, “he told me to have a fantastic life. With you.”

The Doctor swallowed. So his twin had given them his blessing. Just as he had when he’d dropped he and Rose off in the alternative universe those years ago.

Rose continued before he could formulate anything coherent to say, “I… I’d like that to happen,” she said, even as a single tear slipped from the corner of her eye. Her hand came up then to run her fingers lightly down his cheek and a watery, affectionate smile found her lips. “You’re all I dreamt of for years while the cannon was being perfected. You were in my dreams even when the Doctor slept beside me. Because you are both _you_. You’re him in every way that really counts, Doctor. I couldn’t hurt you anymore than I could knowingly hurt him. Do you see? I love you. I have for years.”

“Oh, Rose…” he started.

“But I need to take it slowly, yeah? I need to be able to be with you without guilt. Without feeling like I’ve abandoned him. I believe he really does want me to be happy. I believe that because I truly want that for him as well. But it needs to really sink in… that it’s alright for me to move on… to be happy with you without feeling like I’m dishonouring him. Do you know what I mean?” she asked, her eyes pleading for understanding.

“Yeah,” he said softly. “I do.” Raising his hand, he stroked her cheek just as she stroked his. Leaning forward, he touched his forehead to hers and closed his eyes, trying to memorize this feeling. It was joy and relief mixed with a tinge of sadness for her and what she’d lost. He wanted to internalize it and make it part of his awareness, because he never wanted to forget what she’d given up to be with him. He would never ever take it for granted. 

Moving in, he planted a soft kiss where their foreheads had just been touching, then pulled back to look in her eyes. “Time is something I’ve got a lot of, Rose. No matter how long you need, I’ll be here.”

“Thank-you,” she whispered. They lay looking at each other then, the air between them charged with both affection and attraction. For a moment Rose’s eyes flitted to his mouth, and before he knew what was happening, she was leaning in to place a chaste kiss on his lips. 

Every cell in his body wanted nothing more than to chase her lips as they pulled away, but he would wait. She needed time and he would give it to her. 

Rose brought her hand up then to trace his lips with her fingers. Closing his eyes, he lay there simply relishing the feeling of her touch. After a few moments, she spoke again. Her words formed a promise meant for the him beside her and the him she’d lost. “Just remember, Doctor. No matter where or when you are. You are loved. In every form, and in every universe… I love you.”


End file.
